Maia is tired. Maia is overwhelmed.. Don’t be like Maia.

Hello, my loves. Let me first start off by apologizing for my lack of blogging. It’s not that I don’t post because I have nothing to post rather it’s really the opposite. I cannot describe how full my life is. Well, I probably can but I am too full of procrastination to do better. See, the thing is, I am honestly not sure if it is because I procrastinate, which by the way I swear is generational curse, or whether it’s because I am so overwhelmed that I just do not feel like it. Maybe it’s a little of both but I cannot rid myself of the nagging feeling that I could do better.

 

While I have a ton of things to update you on, I will contain myself to talk to you about an important lesson I seem to keep learning over and over again. Don’t spread yourself thin. Although you may have the strongest heart’s desire to do so, you cannot help everyone.

 

Last night I posted a fraction of what my family went through and why we now do what we do with Rush Consulting Firm. It stated as follows:

 

“In 2012 I lost my job and my husband had already lost his. We became homeless and living in our car. Everywhere we went no one could or was willing to help us, including the church we went to. It was hard. We slept in our truck with our children (4 of them at the time). We washed at gas stations and fast food restaurants. We would get out early to labor pools just so we could pay the car note (our current HOME note) about once a week we would be able to check into a hotel to thoroughly wash and get a decent night’s sleep. No charities, No churches would help because we were a big family and they had no resources or room for us. We applied for government assistance but could not get it because we did not have an address. That is how Rush Consulting Firm was born, initially a resource and research business for the less fortunate it turned into a full time business with an array of services. Our most important goal still to this day is helping people because we have been there. We are sincere in everything we do because we believe we were not meant to struggle and if each one of us would just reach out and lend a hand, we wouldn’t. We start with us and hope everyone we help will pass it on.”

 

My intent was to post so people know that we have been where they are and teach them how to press forward and use their experience as a mountain of hope to others and while I am sure it came across to many that way, it also was taken as an offer of assistance to those whom have found themselves in our once similar position. And though I have no financial means or initial intentions what-so-ever to aid or assist anyone, only a fool would turn a blind eye to what could easily be a nightmare to my sister or brother.

 

The strings on my heart hang very low so are easily tugged. I used to hate it because people know I will do all I can to help someone, anyone. I have learned over the years not to hate the woman that God has made me to be, sensitivity and all. I over extend myself often. I put more on my shoulders than I am able to carry. I cry when I see someone in pain. I grind my teeth at injustice. Yet, I oftentimes find myself standing alone in my troubles and drowning in my fears feeling as though no one understands and I think to myself, that is probably how these people feel. I can’t help but to fantasize about helping every single person who comes across my path. But how can I? That’s easy, one person at a time; one sleepless night at a time. I cannot do it all but I will continue to try.

 

I will not sit here and tell you that is that hard because it isn’t; all it takes is a made up mind and a lot of dedication. I have that. I also will not say it is that easy because it surely is not.

Wise words

Don’t cry over spilled milk. I’m not sure who first quoted it but it meant nothing to me the first time I heard it or the second, third, and probaby closest toward the upteenth (whatever that means) time. But now being a mother to nine it speaks volumes. As parents the most important things we need to know and take heed to is the aforementioned quote and this; we must take accountability for our part in our children’s actions.⬅ That statement, I believe,  may even far superceded the spilled milk. This comes to me as I am sweeping up the dining room floor this morning not only the fresh mess one of the littles made but the mountain full of crumbs one of the bigs “missed” upon cleaning after dinner last night but we’ll talk about that later.
This morning we had an unscheduled visit from the Department of Social Services worker so Thomas was vacuuming the floor. Me, being the fancy girl that I am, suggested we use the arm and hammer carpet fresh to spruce things up since it smells so lovely (No I did not get paid for that plug but do not mind if I do *hint*). Anyhow, upon completion of the sprinkle, he or myself; I will neither confirm nor deny the allegations that it was me (even though it probably was), but ONE of us placed it on the dinning room table and Thomas proceeded to vacuum. We have our visit and began to pack up to run some errands. I walk into the dining room and see the floor. Needs to be swept because there were crumbs on the floor I presumed from breakfast. As I am sweeping I notice a massive amount of white powder on the floor, no, not THAT white powder. I walk over and quickly realize what it is given the aroma. I simply extend my sweeping range and get it up.
As I swept I mentallly went back in time to when had only two children. I would have been livid at the fact that my hard earned money was now being swept into the dust pan with breakfast crumbs….. and rice? We’ll get back to that.
Yet, here I am cool calm and collected with a smile on my face.
Life is filled with aggravations and frustrations and sometime, heck, most times it’s misdirected. This could have easily been one of the times. I have very long days, usually starting at around 5:30 in the morninng with the prayer line I lead followed by getting the bigs off to school and getting the littles fed and organized and starting on a plethora of to dos with either one of the companies and the day goes on and on with me calling it a “day” around 2:00 if I’m “lucky”. The day surely filled with tears and anger.  When working from home it is not as easy to not bring your work home as some would say, you more have to have a switch to turn off and on at appropriate times which is in no way easy, doable but not easy. With that being said, I have foumd myself in many situations where I have allowed the dealings of my workday affect how I interact with my family and how I act with them. Its horrible. I always regret it. Sometimes it makes me want to give it all up and focus on being 100% mom, nothing more. That could never be so because of the way I am set up. So I make the best of it, learn from my mistakes, and vow to do better the next day.
The bottom line is, had the arm and hammer been placed in its proper place immediately after using it, it would not have been on my floor. I had to take responsibility for that not only as a parent but as a person. So no one was chastised and my blood pressure wasn’t raised. I say all the time that life can be beautiful and I believe that. It takes baby steps but it is possible.
Now about this rice from last night….. ISSAAIIAAHHHHHH!
-Rush

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Sleep? Where!

Hello loves. It is literally the middle of the night and I am wide awake like I do not have to be up at 5 a.m. Why 5 a.m. you say? We’ll get to that in a moment.
It has been a long day, but really whats new in my life? I have worked on my website for my girlie boutique, by the way, I highly recommend you hire someone to do this task if you are considering having an ecommerce store. What a headache! Anyhow. I managed to complete my consulting firm website which was pretty simple I just needed to revamp a few things. I have done some research and work on pressing forward with my speaking career.  I managed to do my customized stationary for Rush Consulting firm. Lets see, what else? Oh! I redecorated my living room with my frugal self. Maybe I will get a picture for you guys. I managed to get my children in bed by 9 p.m. and believe it or not, I feel like that is my greatest accomplishment of the day, shoot probably of the week thus far.
I am thinking about becoming an ItWorks representative. Yes, seriously. I have Absolutely NO idea why I feel like my plate has to be overflowing. It drives me crazy. I am from Philadelphia though so I am used to having multiple things going on at once clearly moving to South Carolina has had no affect on my pace, thank God. I’m like the older generation, I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Lol
The other day Thomas gave me some money and told me to go and enjoy myself….alone….without children. I sat in the driveway not knowing what the heck to do or where to go! As often as I thought to myself I needed a mini vacation I must admit I was sad to leave my babies home, I actually begged to take one with me. In the end it was good for me although I spent too much money but I can’t say I’m not looking forward to doing
it again.
In the meantime I have a ton of perfecting to do on my projects and I also started a morning prayer line. Yup, another thing to manage. It starts at 5:30 a.m. so feel free to call in.
(563) 999 2090
Access code 608759
Until then I will chat with you another day, hopefully tomorrow. 💋
-Rush

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Let me raise mine.

Hello and good morning.
My family is not your typical family and we do not celebrate holidays like everyone else. We do not do Christmas commercially and our Thanksgivings are now big breakfasts and family time; OUR family time. Birthdays are celebrated with family dinners to the birthday person’s place-of-choice. Easter and New Years is celebrated at church.
A lot of people believe we deprive our children of enjoying being a child by doing holidays the way we do but I strongly disagree.
We do not allow our children to play with any type of armory device and the action figures with guns and the like attached to them is not allowed in our home. We do not allow them to watch cable television and we still pray together. Every day.
Some say our children will grow to be resentful for being so strict.
Let me tell you about my babies.
They make good grades in school. They are never in trouble for being in fights and have not been suspended from school. They keep their chores done and are very content with what they have. If they want something they have to earn it. My son wanted a smart phone upgrade. I told him if he brought in straight A’s he could have one. He goofed around in school and brought in all A’s and a B. He did not get his upgrade.
When they argue with one another we put them in ‘couple’s therapy’ so that they can talk out their issues as opposed to just being angry.
My philosophy is this, I am raising black boys who will become black men; Strong black men. They will learn to express themselves without anger or aggression. They will be respectful to those who respect them. Those who do not respect them, they will know they are not worth their time. They will open doors for their wives. They will be great fathers to their children. And they will know that every goal they set for themselves will be achieved.
My girls are raised with pride and humility, self love and empowerment, gentleness and kindness. They have a father who treats them like they are the princesses of the house because they are. Therefore a man who steps to them will have very large shoes to fill. The first guy who says you are pretty they will not fall infatuated with them, because they are told often and they already are aware of how beautiful they are. Money and jewelry will not buy their love because they will know that they are independent enough to acquire their own riches. They are instilled with the values of family and grace, confidence and respect.
Too many African American homes are filled with one parent struggling to make ends meet, no time dedicated to family, anger and resentment for what they thought they would be by now, and heartache. Too many of us are allowing our children to fall in the fallacy of becoming rich like the man or woman on television. We let our children listen to the garbage that is put out in the music world allowing them to believe that they can live that life, but what is that life? A grown man rapping (lying) about the things he has while half naked women crowd around him being degraded for their 15 minutes of fame not one time saying something genuinely positive or saving any money for when he has been washed up.
We have to do better as a generation because it will only get worse. Instill in them the greatness that you see in them that they cannot see yet. Teach them that struggle is a word and not a destination. Show them that family means love; honesty and integrity are still alive and pride is to be handled with care.  Most importantly let them know that they are somebody just the way they are.

-Rush

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Did you miss me?

did you miss me?

so here I am a little after twelve, still awake, straining my eyes to stay awake and keep a promise I made to myself today, I will blog. I have so much to blog about that I don’t know what to blog about. It has been a very eventful couple of weeks since I last chatted it up with you guys on here. oh, where do I began?

Well I have updated my website for Rush Consulting firm. I have been thinking a lot about making the transition to a full staffing firm so I have been doing tons of research on the do and don’ts as well as the legality and finance of that. I made a post in this group on Facebook called dream catchers about the company and business has been booming every since. unfortunately I done some work for some people who, I suppose, believe I did their resume pro bono (even though I clearly stated my fees for service) but I continue to push on, Karma.

I also have been working on my Slips Socks And Bows website. It is a lot more tedious than the firm’s site. I get exhausted as soon as I pull it up to work on it, needless to say I will more than likely be passing that buck off to Thomas. its a good thing he loves me the way he does.

I have been spending a lot of time on self evaluation as well. I have watched the secret twice, its on Netflix by the way. I have also been reading this awesome book called 30 law of attraction practical exercises by Louise Shapely in conjunction with the law of attraction itself. its eye opening stuff. I always felt like I was meant to be great so I just have to live it like I believe it.

There are a lot of areas I struggle with in life, my weight being the biggest thing. I am not morbidly obese or anything like that I just know I can stand to lose some weight. I am so deep in projects though I can barely remember to eat never mind keep track of what I eat but I know I need to do it for myself. my husband doesn’t think I need to lose any weight but I tell him its his job to tell me that. so in addition to working on websites, inventorying stock, making orders, writing resumes, building start up packages, raising nine children and being a dutiful wife I have to make time to put my health in check. at some point and time I will talk more about the importance of this to me but right now I am just checking in with you guys. I want to remind you that anything you want to do you can. I am not going to lie to you and tell you its not hard because some days I want to scream, and some days I do but then I pull myself together and get back at it. you are so worth every bit of energy you put in yourself and so much more. so keep pushing. keep moving. stay prayed up.

until next time, which I hope is quicker than this time. Be Great!

-Rush

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Stepping out.

Good morning loves. Today I made my first periscope video. Its just a bunch of chit chat but I did it! I did not put on any makeup or do my hair. I didn’t put on some cute outfit or find the perfect sceneric background but I did it anyhow. I am putting more effort towards stepping out of my comfort zone and making a periscope video is definately it. I just have this longing anf strong desire to encourage people. I love it. I love that I blog it makes me feel like I am helping someone. what I blog may not be for you today, your day may be Wednesday but I am glad you’re reading. I appreciate all that is laid in front of me and I believe that is a very important aspect of growth; appreciation. 
I am trying to go above appreciation. I am stepping into manifestation. I have been reading some very encouraging books lately and have decided to embark on my own journey and take notes. Notes I look forward to passing on in the form of a book. I have a story like everyone else and I believe it is important to tell your story, you never know who you may inspire. Shoot, I may inspire you to have children or I may inspire you to STOP having children. People have asked why I do not seek for a show. Though I oftentimes think we should share our laughs with the world, because there are alot of laughs, I do still believe in a little bit of privacy. I have enough scrutiny from family about my life that I can do without the microscopic judgement of the world.
I have come a very long way from driving my mother crazy as a teenager to the responsible person I am today. The bottom line, I have no regrets. Everything I have said and done has molded me into the person that I am today. Life has written me a story and I am living it out. I want to share and encourage. You’d be amazed the obstacles I have overcome. I know I was born to lead. I was born to push and motivate, thats why my story has so many twists and turns and trials. I am able to relate to a multitude of people in different phases of their life.
We are all made for something. I was made to empower and renew.
What are you made for?
-Rush

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Peace

I’d like to say that the general rules have kept me out of alot of arguments and middle of confusion but alas, these traits were learned and not taught. So, I am going to pass on my pearls of wisdom on this subject that you may avoid conflict in your life. These simple rules or guidelines I like to call them has kept my life peaceful for many years. It is a realm I was not at all familiar with but I must say I have made myself at home and I do not intend on leaving, ever.
I like to think I am a kind and often soft spoken individual, except when I have to repeat myself which is a personal peeve of mine. But we will talk about that later.
I have found myself in uncomfortable situations many times and usually it was innocent on my part,  so I believed, but the ramifications were nothing less than demeaning and downright humiliating. I would never wish that upon anyone, friend or foe. But we have to realize that even the kindest of words or gestures can be misinterpreted or misconstrued and you will quickly find yourself on the defense of a situation that you have no idea how you got yourself into to begin with.
Some of what I tell you may be non conventional to some or just wrong to others. But trust me, I have sought other routes and have found that this is the only way for me. I am an introvert by chance, sensitive to the max, and kind hearted to a fault. I hardly ever speak my mind, will cry over spilled milk, and give you my grocery money just to make you smile. I have no idea where I got this from because my mother and grandmother are almost completely the opposite.
My mother was as kind hearted as can be, will give you the shirt off her back but as long as she has a t shirt on. She will not bite her tongue and her words can cut like a knife. It takes a lot to make her cry but when she does you can feel her pain and know that she has reach her breaking point but it makes her stronger and even harder to break. I used to wish I were more like her but, I’m just me. Over the years I have learned myself and became the best me I can be. I have lost friends along the way, mostly due to the aforementioned confusion and the fact that I don’t speak  when I should.
By now you are probably thinking, well get to it already, I know I would be. I just had to give you a little background on who I am and how I stumbled across this free wealth of knowledge. Trial and error.

1. Always tell the truth.
2. Speak when spoken to.
3. Keep all comments, both good and bad to yourself.
4. Be honest with yourself.
5. Don’t dilute yourself to appease others.
6. Value your morals.
7. If you don’t have any ^ go get some.
8. You don’t need a bunch of friends.
9. Know what you want.
10. Life can be beautiful.

-Rush

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Only a black woman will truly understand

I had a moment. Its gone. I am so angry and I just don’t know why. Is it a stigma I was born with because I am a black woman? I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that we are all bred to be angry. What happened? I am going to lay it all out on the paper today. I will not proofread it or I will change it or not publish it.
I am on a journey to dig deep onto the revelation of the “Why” of an angry black woman. THIS angry black woman. As I sit and ponder about this subject, I began to wonder if it truly is our upbringing. We as women are bred to believe that we are to keep our mouths shut and find our place as a child. and mind our parents, suppressing any thoughts of anger or resentment without speaking how you feel. Taught to do as you are told and do as I say not as I do. I oftentimes wonder if this is the root of the anger of a black woman. Black boys are allowed to go out and dig ditches and play in the dirt,get into fist fights with other boys, argue with their neighbors children. They don’t have to do the same chores that we have to do. As I dig deep, I think about the difference in the way that we are raised as a black family. We are raised as little girls to act like a lady, carry of yourself accordingly, never really given the opportunity to express ourselves. On the other hand, boys- black boys- can do what they want “they’re just being boys” we are taught not to scrape up our knees or scuff our shins, hold your pinky up when you drink your tea. There are no rules to being a black boy. Now that I think about it we are raised to be angry black women not purposely and not because something happened to us. Its just the way that families are raised. “Girls don’t do that, girls don’t behave like that, black girls don’t act like that.” We’re raised to suppress what we are really truly feeling and usually the first relationship we get into we act the way we were raised; our first boyfriend respects that but as soon as we speak on something that we are angry about they give us a sideways look like we’re trying to act brand new but the truth is we’re mad and we are mad from within. We over react when we’re upset because we don’t know HOW to react when we’re upset, we weren’t taught to say what’s on your mind. We weren’t taught to say how we feel. We were taught to be delicate and soft and gentle but the truth of the matter is, some of us aren’t soft and delicate and gentle. The bottom line is we don’t know how to connect with our emotions, we don’t know how to casually speak that we’re angry or say that you did something to upset us. We hold it in and we suppress it. There’s a box of sensitivity within that holds that suppression and we get angry and we put it in the box we get mad and we put it in the box. We suppress it and suppress it and suppress it until the box of sensitivity can explode with just one touch. One wrong word from anyone. Who is that someone? Our mates. Because no matter how angry we get we were raised to respect our parents to act like a lady to stay in our place and to stay dainty. So that box of sensitivity will never explode on our parents. I believe that the anger that we hold with in starts from a very young age so yes sometimes, sometimes I am an angry black woman. And do you want to know the truth about it? I hate it. I hate being labeled as an angry black woman. I’ve been married for years and there’s a woman within that my husband doesn’t even know because I’m taught to suppress it and when I start to express it I lose my mind and he hates it so I suppress it. I don’t know how to express it so really there is no one thing that makes me mad there is no one man that’s made me mad, its life. Life is expression but if I can’t express myself then I’m not really living am I? I make a vow this day to teach my daughters that’s it is okay to express themselves. It is okay to say when you are upset or when you are hurt or when you are angry. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be angry. It’s NOT okay to hold on to it. I employ all of my black women, light skin, brown skin, dark skin, honey, peanut butter; it doesn’t matter what complexion you are, a black woman is a black woman and I am a black woman. I am raising black women we need to stand with one another and for one another find the roots of your anger and confront it. Our anger is not towards each other. We need to learn that, we need to know that, we need to own that. Accept that the key to growing is accountability. Take the accountability for your actions, it is the only way you can grow. It is the only way we will shake this stigma from our bones. I will lead the way by starting with me.
-Rush

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Well that happened.

Working hard rarely seems to ever be immediate gratification or congratulations. Sometimes we keep digging and digging and we never reach our pot of gold, so we quit never quite knowing what our rewards was and sometimes worse off, we were a lot closer than we thought we were. Its like doing push ups, well for me anyway. I say I’m going to do 30 and when I start off I am full of energy, eager to reach my goal. It seems the closer I get to that 30 mark the harder o have to push and the more I want to quit. At 21 my arms start to feel the burn. By 23 I have to squeeze my eyes close to concentrate. At 25 my arms feel like they are going to give out. By 28 I am literally telling myself ‘that’s good enough. I hit 29 and a smile appears on my face because I know by now I can surely make it. If I quit now I will be thinking about that last push up I did not do. I would have cheated myself by one measly push up. And if I were to get back down to do just one push up there would be absolutely no gratification in it. I will still feel cheated. More than likely I will beat myself up a little thinking ‘Really! You couldn’t do just ONE more?!’ Nobody wants to feel like that yet we do it to ourselves so often. We set a goal and when it doesnt come quick enough we get exhausted. We feel it must not have been that great of an idea to begin with and we abandon it. We must believe better of ourselves. Better IN ourselves. Trust you WILL get there. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow but you will, eventually. I know, eventually seems like such a long way away but eventually can be in the next five minutes. You will not know if you quit, will you. If I just keep doing those push ups I will eventually get to 30. The only differnce is I have learned that 30 comes after 29 so I KNOW its close. When setting goals and seeking to fulfill your dreams we must remember that eventually will come. It must become such a known factor that its as easy as thinking 30 comes after 29. Because you would not have known that had you not learned that. Trust yourself. The idea you had was yours but if you do not stick to it with determination, drive, amd trust (in your idea and in yourself) someone will stumble across it and fulfil what you were umwilling to. Remember, everything in steps. 2 comes after 1 and 3 after 2. You cannot skip and jump to thirty no matter how much you think you want to. Because even worse than falling short of your accomplishments is falling short of and failing yourself. Imagine me setting that goal of 30 push ups and counting by 3’s. Sure, I’ll get there faster. But will it be gratifying? Worse yet its not true thus my goals will not truly be met and therefore it is a failure.  Before you know it you will have reached your goal. It will seem as if were suddenly overnight but what really happened is eventually finally came. Each step brings you closer and though some of those steps may seem agonizing, just know its bringing eventually closer to you. So keep pushing. Trust the process and know that eventually may take awhile to get here but it will get here. Stay positive!
-Rush

P.S.
Yes I can only do 30 traditional push ups. Don’t judge me.

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My doctor said you have been playing me.

How can it be? It’s impossible. There is no way you would do that to me, are you even capable of getting over on me? It sounds so conniving and I would never think anything like that of you. But alas, I must put you to the test to see. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow night, but soon. Right? I am so confused.

Turns out my baby has been playing me like a fiddle. I have been wondering why I am up every three hours, still. I mean he is 6 months old now and yet I find myself not getting adequate sleep. And naps? Hmph, forget about it. That’s when my time is required with my other babies.
When he sees me walk pass him, providing he allowed me to leave his presence in the first place, he cries like something is wrong, his cries tugging on my heart and as always I come running. I check him out and soothe him and I am good…until I walk by again. So that part I was not surprised but we are all told “babies cannot be spoiled”. Shoot these doctor’s haven’t met my chunky boy. I love him so much I cannot stand to see him unhappy. But this, this is low for even you mister. I get up to whimpers and cries all throughout the night to feed and cuddle then rock him back to sleep. He is a handsome healthy baby boy, bottle fed but surely at six months you are still not on a strict three hour schedule.
I was told today “he is playing you like a fiddle, he knows you will come running every time he cries through the night.” “You are going to have to break him.” I gasped at the thought… he can’t even crawl yet, which is probably my fault because I don’t like him to be on the floor too long, it looks uncomfortable.  Doctor says I should do some three night thing with him. First night, put him to bed and when he cries let him cry but every half hour I can go in the room and rub his back but NOT pick him for 30 seconds and then leave. Next night, I can go in every hour. The last night don’t go in at all and let him cry himself to sleep. WHAT!!!!!!?????? Surely this doctor must not have children. What am I raising? A soldier? Who in their right mind would allow their child to go through such agony and loneliness and fear and pain. What if he gets the stifles? Those things are annoying. Am I a bad parent for nurturing my child or am I am bad parent for strengthening my child. I don’t know about this one… what do you think?

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