Month: August 2022

I was too exhausted to blog last week although I did start, I fell asleep then life happened. In fact, I can’t be sure that I won’t doze off now.

I was doing so good too. Despite still waking ever couple of hours to feed Kera I actually woke up pretty early. I fixed the RushBunch breakfast and decided to start dinner. I made a big Sunday meal, breakfast and even cleaned my mess. I looked up and saw it was just after 4 and everything was finished. I was geeked. This meant we could get to bed early and be well rested for Monday. Well, it’s currently 3:06a and half of the house is still up. 🤦

You know who’s not up? Kera. So as soon as I get to bed she will probably wake up. You know. I can show every mother in the world how to manage their life but this night owl in me is defiant.

We all have that 1 thing. That’s mine. What’s yours?

I blogged earlier this week so..

If you don’t know by now, I don’t plan what I write in my blog I just start typing. I fund its best to be my rarest and most transparent self.

With that being said, I have a secret to tell you. Remember on my prior blog I told you money was tight? Well today my boys, 5, 6, and 8, had their game today. Football. My favorite sport EVER. I enrolled them in the teams because I love the sport but also to get them more socialization. Of course you all know that I have been homeschooling my crew since 2016. Having a house full is fun, exciting, and exhausting. They socialize alot with each other. Too much if you ask me. Always giggling and whispering. Sleepovers and sharing dreams. Bleh. Lol. I’m kidding but they are very close. We put them in extracurricular activities so they make their own friends. It’s working so far. Anyhow, football.

Today was Gabriel’s second game but it was Ian (5) and Cameron (6) first game. Earlier in the week I loaned someone some money, my last really. I was thinking with my heart instead of my brain. Eh. I don’t regret it. However, today, this loan prevented me from affording my family from seeing my boys play their games. I sent McRush instead because I think it’s important for young boys to remember that their dad was at their games. But I was livid. Like I’m the football junkie. It was my idea to sign them up for football and because so, it was me who has spent almost 2k on the sport and necessities needed for them. I tell you what though, it snapped me out of the rut I said I was in with my last blog. Whew Chile. It was like a fire was under my feet. I believe I got more done today than I have in the last two weeks. I can’t help but wonder though if I am selfish for feeling the way I am about missing their game. What do you think?

I haven’t blogged in the last two Sundays because I have been in a rut. I don’t really know why but my head just hasn’t been in the game. Due to this, work has piled up, my children are completely off schedule, and I think I may be depressed.

When I get like this everything shuts down, including my body. For those who don’t know, I suffer from nephrocalcinosis. It’s debilitating within my kidneys. It causes me to pee blood. I know, tmi. But I am dedicated to always being transparent and honest in a way that shows my weak points so that those that follow me know that I too am human.

We got my nephew back. Cps took him away from my brother and his wife again. Having him back is alot. Dealing with the ramifications of having someone else’s child, seized unwillingly can cause a strain on the entire family. Including mine. McRush doesn’t want to go through that again, understandably, but I cannot have him in a system that will only create another statistic.

Mentally I am going through alot, business is not great right now so money is tight. Like TIGHT. I am pretty optimistic that we will get through all of this, even my internal battles but I cannot help but wonder when.

My oldest just joined the Marines and he leaves next month. That’s pretty stressful although I am extremely proud of him. You can never gage the outcome of the world and where he will end up though. He’s my first born, my baby. I know you are reading this and thinking “you have to let hem grow up”, and I am it’s just a scary world out there and I just want to protect him from the things I can’t protect him from.

Life is kinda all over the place but I am hoping I can shift things back to a normal soon.

Pray my skremph. 😆