Good evening my beautiful Reflections.
I have been meaning to come on here and say hello and check in but when life grabs a hold of you, honey, you just have to enjoy the ride! How are you? I hope we are all being productive with the time we have because our time spent is detrimental to our happiness.
Anyhow I am not here to lecture you, I just want to make sure you are happy where you are in life, right now.
I was recently watching a live stream of the beautiful Dr. Stacy Patton and I felt condemned to write to you as I reflected on my own mishaps in raising my portion of a nation, the RushBunch. If you are unaware of who Dr. S. Patton is, do not worry, neither did I. This was my first time this evening and so I did some research which I will share with you.
Dr. Patton is an author, journalist and advocate for children who have been abused or neglected. In her most recent video she talks about an article she wrote awhile back for, I believe, the New York Times. It spoke about not beating [our] children. Now we all know that I am not a big advocate for beating the babies however she went into more depth as she was reading a fan letter from a white woman and her response to the article. The fan spoke about how she hears us speak to our children and her perspective. Dr. Patton spoke as response that we oftentimes speak harshly to our children as if we do not love them as an internal feeling of ‘taking up space’ or being judged. Now as ridiculous as this may sound to you, I implore you to analyze this as I did.
In my home, I speak daily to my children about empowerment and self confidence. I push them to do the things they say they cannot. But for me, this sparked a sense of condemnation in my spirit as I realize that I too do this but in public. At home they are allowed to explore and investigate. They can run around and be loud and inquisitive. But in public I am constantly saying things like, don’t walk like that, stop talking so loud, don’t touch that. Now while I still feel that some of these statements are imperative on how they conduct themselves in public, I will say that having nine children makes me uncomfortable at times in public. I get the very feeling that we do take up alot of ‘space’. We are often bombarded with stares and people counting and for that reason, I do not care to be in public often. I am far from ashamed, I just do not want to be judged more than I already am. A black woman who has no shame in displaying her disgust when made to feel belittled or statisticalized (yup, not a word but I’m using it and moving on).
I cannot believe that I seek perfection in my children in public but push them to be themselves, different, at home. Its funny the double mind we sometimes have unbeknownst to ourselves. I owe my children an apology. Which strings me to another topic but not at all relevant… Well maybe a little.
I have decided to use this huge extra room we have for our family room. I know you’re thinking, whats so big about that. Well, I’m glad you asked. This will not be that kind of family room but more therapeutic. there will be different types of seating, chairs, bean bag, cushions, etc., and this is a place where we will gather and talk out our issues with one another. There is sometimes anger among some of them and I believe they need to talk it out. I used to harbored a lot of anger and I believe I projected it onto my children. So despite the fact that McRush and I never argue and we make it a point to never debate in front of or around the children, what is embedded into their spirit is already there and I need it to be purged.
I think that it is very healthy to talk things out. I have learned that there is nothing healthy about suppressing anger. With my first son, I always taught him that if he was angry with me for chastising him, it was okay and we could talk about it, my mom didn’t really agree with that method because she is more old school. Somewhere along the lines I lost that. I find myself telling them, I don’t care if you are mad but I really do an we need to talk about it.
I am dedicated to raising a happy and healthy nation and for me that goes beyond homeschool and veganism.