Accountability day 5

Posted on by JustAskMaia

You know, I’m glad that I did this experiment. It really let’s me know, HOW BAD I FELL OFF! 😭 Guess how many of my focused habits I done today. One. 1. Uno. I can’t even count the blogging because although it’s night time it’s after twelve so it’s technically tomorrow.

I didn’t exercise because I haven’t been feeling and soreness although I have been working out daily. But really, that’s an excuse because I could have simply stuck to this experiment for 2 more days and then rested. I read that you must have rest days for optimal results. while I already knew that, I thought that because my workouts were not high intensity I could do it daily but apparently not. But I am all.about H.I.T.S so let’s call it what it is. Self sabotage. Because I was looking for a reason not to dedicate myself today. 🤦🏾‍♀️ Welp, seek and you shall find.

I actually DIDN’T eat before 11:30 this morning but I most definitely did eat after 6:30 p.m. Do you know the crazy part? I actually ate better throughout the day. I was very intentional. Just to throw it all away. 🥴

I did not walk because honestly, I was already defeated. I walk in the evenings. Its easier to stick.to when you’re already on track for the day but if not it’s like, it’s not even worth it (even though it is).

I did read. Both a physical and an audio book. But that’s prerty simple, all I need is an excuse to read and im going to do it everytime.

And obviously I did not blog (in time). So I am sure that it’s safe to say that today was a bust. I’m still excited to try again tomorrow so all is not lost.

I’m Hella sleepy 😴 so I’m going to bed.

I dont think I’ve had a perfect day yet so fingers crossed for tomorrow. Wish me the best!

OH!!! H.I.T.S. is an acronym from Rush Consulting Firm. It stands for Honesty, Integrity, Transparency, and Self accountability. It keeps you from.making excuses for your not so good habits. ❤️

Words mean something.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

Sitting here having a conversation with McRush about words and the root of them. I posted a while back on Facebook that I do not teach my children to say I am sorry, I apologize, or any variation thereof. Some people feel like I am cold for having this approach, you know because people are […]

Words mean something.

Accountability day 4…😬

Posted on by JustAskMaia

Okay, surely, if you’ve been reading my blogs, you know what task I missed on yesterday. Yes. Yes it was blogging. 🤦🏾‍♀️ If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I have A.D.D. but I know that I am all over the place because I have nothing written down and what IS written down I don’t look at. 😩 What am I going to do with me?

I spent yesterday running to doctor’s appointments, both mine and Ian’s. Ian had his one hour EEG where we got to learn how a machine can tell what your brain is doing. Surely I knew that this existed but the depth of ability of a machine was very fascinating. In fact, since Ty wants to be a neurosurgeon (God I hope this sticks because that would be perfect for him), I found out about a certification that he could get that would allow hime to get his foot in the door in about a year! My appointment was less fun. I went to the dentist and if you have been following me long enough, you know all of my secrets. One secret is that I had most of my back teeth pulled because with each pregnancy came molar problems and slowly but surely I had to have them removed. So, if you see me eating a steak cooked anyway BUT medium rare, it’s a front. 🤣 I couldn’t chew properly if you paid me a Trillion dollars. 💰

Welp, my next dental appointment is Wednesday to prep my mouth for partials. And, despite already having paid thousands of dollars out of pocket, my next visit cost $737 and some change. 😭

Uhm, why can’t life be free and when/where did I agree to this current payment system. 🤭

Anyhow. That was my day. And although I didn’t blog as I should have yesterday, im giving myself a pat on the back for staying mostly consistent even whilst having a full load and driving two and a half hours each way to get Isaiah from my mom’s house.

Plus. I got to see my mommy. 🤗

Ps. Wanna hear something childish? Yesterday, I hugged my mom going out the door and my children hugged my mom afterwards. I got a slight attitude, when my mom asked what’s wrong, I told her that my children hugged over mine. 🤪 My mom, being the greatness that she is, wiped away their hug and let me give her another one.

Who has a better mom than me?  🎶nobody🎶

🤣🤣🤣🤣😆

Pps

I did get on the scale this morning 🤭 but to see what it said you have to tead tonight’s blog. This is, after all, about yesterday. 🏃🏾‍♀️👀

Meh. Accountability day 2/3

Posted on by JustAskMaia

If you read my blog from yesterday then you know that I am on day two of accountability but day three of action hence the title. So do not be alarmed when you see day four tomorrow. 🤪

So today started of well. I got up at 7:30, yes, I know from a workout point of view that’s pretty late but im not a gym rat 😅. I did my workout, I read, I did not eat after 6:30, and I am about to go for my walk. Just know that anything can happen at my house at any point so that walk is tbd and I will check in with you tomorrow about that but I’m pretty confident. 😬

(For those that dont know confidence is the nemesis of parent life. You just never know what life is going to throw at you. 🤣)

Lastly, Of course, I’m blogging.😊

Its co-op day so instead of our regular morning agenda in homeschooling we spent the first hours doing arts and crafts before we headed out. Unfortunately we couldn’t stay long, I just wanted to keep my commitment and show my face. Ian had a neurology appointment all the way down town which, when we got there they rescheduled it because one of the eeg machines were down. 😑

That was really the highlight of the day. Did some laundry. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Tuesdays are usually pretty hectic but this one was pretty easy. Drop college kids off-teach-pick up college kids- co op- doctor appointment- home. 😩

Currently cooking dinner and prepping for class tomorrow. Thats it.

I did weigh myself although I vowed that I wouldn’t do that because what I HAVE learned in this journey is the numbers will deter and defeat you daily. Ain’t nobody got time for that! 🤣 I came in at a smooth 200.1 pounds 🥴. I’m trying to lie to myself and say since my cycle is on, it’s about 2 pounds extra but im not buying it. I’ll take the big win when I get on that scale at the end of my 7 days with no period and pretend that it’s that much more of a victory.

Aye. A win is a win. 🤗

Accountability day 1….ish

Posted on by JustAskMaia

So for those who do not know, honestly I dont know how that would be possible if you follow me on any platform because I have been telling everyone who will listen, I lost around 120 pounds. Yup, I went from 288 to 168.

*a brief moment of celebration* 🥳

Thank you. 🥰

Well. In August I went on a family trip to Myrtle Beach. I do not like the beach. I do not like anything about the beach. I dont like sand between my toes, the dirty water, annoying birds hovering, sun beaming down with little to no shade, not the wind blowing sand in you face and or food. I dont like being in the midst of people, I dont like the random dogs walking and peeing in the water (like seriously, eww). There is nothing and I do mean nothing that I like about the beach BUT I took one for the team. Next day SWOLLEN. I mean, I gained 21 pounds within the course of 2 days.  I got tested at my doctor, did a water fast. Nothing was wrong besides, I am allergic. You jeard me right. I believe I am allergic to the beach. I am for sure allergic to seafood and salt makes me instantly swell. While all of this is new to me at 40 years plus, I make no excuses.

Well, I was like, meh, 189 isn’t too bad, I can casually work it off. Nope. I kept ballooning. I got off track and couldn’t find the motivation to get back on. I literally settled. Next time I stepped on the scale was because 2 pairs of jeans fit a little too snug. Do you know what the scale said? Of course you don’t 🙄 I dont know why I asked as if we were sitting amongst one another. 🤦🏾‍♀️

201 🤯. Get. The. Fuck. Outta. Here.

I panicked just a little but I know what I need to do because I got this far. And do you think that I did it? No. No I did not. I got on the scale today and it said 203.4. 😭 Bruh, what am I actually doing here!?! 😬

So today, I sat and made a list of disciplined focus with the hopes of holding myself accountable without overwhelming myself. Let’s not forget that I have a husband and 10 children in the house. I also homeschool and run a Firm. AND I just registered for a statistics class so I can brush up. I am also the cook and runner of the family. Doctor appointments, practices, jobs. I know my limits.

The focused disciplines for the week of October 25 are:

  1. No eating past 6:30 or before 11;30
  2. Exercise 30 minutes daily
  3. Walk nightly
  4. Read daily
  5. Blog

I did not get to walk this evening and I ate some broccoli as I cooked [late] dinner. I feel pretty bummed about that but im blogging to hold myself accountable. While this was not outlined until today, I did get all the tasks except blogging done yesterday. I’m not off to a horrible start just a bumpy one. 😊

What are your goals for the week?

Well that WAS a bumpy ride.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I was looking back on some old blogs and decided to look back at my very first blog. March 2, 2016. 😬

Its exciting to keep a log, or in my case a journal, to be able to actually see how far you’ve come because sometimes it feels like we’re not moving at all. 🤗

Let’s take a look. *I changed and/or edited nothing. Look past the poor writing* 🤭

Today I have decided to take charge of the direction in my life. I thought I had already done that but I was only fooling myself. Looking back at all the things I have set out to do there was no true purpose, no goal, no passion. An idea would pop into my head and I would run with it. I have approximately 17 websites I have purchased, dozens of cards I have ordered, and countless social media pages I have sat for hours setting up. None of which I use, half of them I do not remember. There was no true direction I had no true desire to diligently work any of the ventures I’d embarked on. I am 36 years old still toying with life. I should be much further than I am right now. Of course, I have no problems where I am right now, a wife, mother, entrepreneur; as we have already clearly established. But I want more. I know, who doesn’t want more? I don’t mean more money, not that I would turn it down, I mean more purpose. I want more reason to say I am who I am. Although you can google me, I think that’s cool. But really, no one wants to live without a purpose. How does one find their meaning to life? What do I have to  do to know my calling? Of all my ideas and endeavors which one is meant for me?

I used to want to be a juvenile defense lawyer working predominately pro bono cases. I thought that was where my heart lied. When I was 15 I was sent to a detention center for stealing. I was appointed some fresh out of college guy who never asked me if I was guilty (which I was but that’s not the point). I met with him once and he didn’t even ask me my name. he walked up to the table I was sitting at along with other first time children. I was a nervous wreck, I could’ve peed on myself right there. My palms were sweating and I could feel my heart beating through my throat. He stood over me and said ”you are going to plea guilty and they will give you one year”. My eyes widened as tears inadvertently streamed down my cheeks. I felt sick to my stomach. He asked if I understood. I said no. ”with all the evidence they have against you, you could be looking at 15 years, its best this way, trust me.” I said okay knowing there was no evidence because there was no evidence (story for another day). I was just a frightened little girl who hung with the wrong crowd on the wrong day. I went back to the hall where 25 other young ladies stayed awaiting their fate and I cried. One of the guards came over to check on me. I told her what the man said and she explained to me that they all come in and say that, it makes their case load lighter and frees up some of their time. I remember being outraged. How could you have me throw my life away like that? From that day until the very moment I am writing this I have read and continue to read hundreds of law books, studying case law for fun. I vowed to sincerely help the children who are victimized by the system by making them plea out; even innocent ones I found out. I believed from that day it was my calling, my destiny to help children fight for their freedom.

I went to school for paralegal studies, I figured I would take that route because so many others who aspired to be a lawyer were majoring in English, I hated English, as some of my writing skills may reflect but I am working on it. But as I furthered on in school life happened and I dropped out vowing to return. I took on three jobs and became a single mother. Returning didn’t happen for ten years. I returned and hit a stumbling block, the school I had attended in preparation to transfer to a university, no one accepted the credits. Feeling defeated I quit. I tried at it again online but that was unrealistic for me.

I found myself working to support my family trying my hand at many things but finding myself bored no matter how prosperous my ventures had become. Now I am a housewife raising nine children and a husband still trying to find my purpose in this crazy world.

Fasten your seatbelts, the road may get bumpy.

-Rush

And boy has it been bumpy. I no longer have the two children we fostered. They have been reunited with their parents. I’m still a housewife but more spoiled. 🥰 we have had 4 more children (birthed). I homeschool them all (minus those who graduated). Started a consulting firm, made 6 figures, hired staff, and traveled for business AND leisure. Been on Business Talk Radio, a few podcasts, the news, a handful of shows, and the paper. I’ve been nominated for a few awards (no wins 🤷🏾‍♀️). Helped hundreds of small business owners scale, entrepreneurs start, and corporations stabilize.  Sold the contracts to “retire” and now starting it back up again! I have lost over 120 pounds and took control of my heath.  We’ve bought a house later that year as well.

Life went from seeming like a mess with no direction to soaring with the stars. I love it here! ❤️

Depression.. Is that you girl?

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I woke up at 6:30 this morning. Its Sunday. I dont do early on Sundays. Alas. Here I am. I drag my feet towards the stairs to wake Isaiah who has to be to work by eight a.m. clear across town. It works out I guess because I have been putting off grocery shopping for so long that the only thing to snack on in the house are some ranch chickpeas. Don’t ask. If the bunch wants to eat, I cook. It was some form of responsibility  that we were teaching the kids that I forgot somewhere along the way. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It was definitely punishment for me though. 🥴

Of course he is knocked out and now on the verge of being late.

After dropping him off I headed to the one place that, for one reason or another, is the bane of my existence. Walmart. I dont even know why I dont like shopping at Walmart.  They have fair prices and it really is a one stop shop. I think its because of all the bad publicity they get from people looking every way but decent when shopping there. I just dont want any parts.

Anywho. You may have guessed that Isaiah moved back home about a month ago. We’ve been working on getting his footing again.

I woke up feeling meh today. Which is not totally out of the norm for me but this was a deeper level of meh that I just couldn’t put my finger on. I still got that 10 minute workout in. I’m starting again and easing myself  back into exercising. So, 10 minutes a day this week, 20 next, 25 after that.

I’m proud of me. I have a lot going on mentally and still manage to push through the actual chaos of life. Somedays it’s a lot harder than others. I usually just take a moment before I get out of bed to breath through it and remind myself that everything is not for me to control. Today I hit the ground on go so I didn’t get my moment.

I’d forgotten some things at Walmart and there was no way I was going back in there so I ran to food lion. Way more expensive so I was in and out $163 later. I rush home to cook breakfast and get my prep work and cleaning done. Taking a pause to run to the store to grab some school supplies for Ty who starts his college courses Tuesday (🤗).

Getting back home in time to start dinner, collard greens, baked Mac and cheese, corn bread, and turkey loin with a glass of lemonade, and doing laundry all while battling a “girly things”.

I fixed the plates and washed the dishes.

I promised I would blog today but I really dont feel like it. But one thing that I dont do is a break promise to myself.

Maybe I should promise to hit the lottery. 🤔

I just want to make clear that I am okay. I blog my good days and my bad days so people know that they’re not alone. But know this,       I. Love. My. Life. I am living the life that I literally prayed for, everyday. And for that, I am ever so grateful.

Hard is worthy. A tribute to my husband ❤️

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I am easy on the eyes. Easy on the smile. Easy with my heart. Easy with my care. Easy is giving and I’ve got Easy down packed. But there were hard parts of me.

Hard to lead. Hard to carry. Hard to direct.
My Hard was not accepted by some. Abused by others.

But my Hard was worthy of love too. I never knew that.

I never knew that I didn’t have to be perfect.
I never knew that it was okay to fall.
I never knew, until he showed me.

He came from no where. Belonging to no one. Held to no time. But he was mine.

I was so broken I couldn’t see it.
I was always the leader, the guide, the breadwinner. I was always in the wrong role, I thought.

I thought that’s how it was meant to be. Somebody’s gotta get the short end of the stick. Right?

Wrong. I was so wrong.

He came and showed me what love should look like. What love should be like. What love should FEEL like.

He showed me that my Hard parts were worthy of love, of patience, of embrace. He showed me that hard parts aren’t hard, they’re wounded parts wearing a disguise. He said I didn’t need the disguise anymore. I was safe.

Thank you to the exes that fumbled me.
The boys that played with my heart, manipulated my mind. Thank you for dropping the ball, for trading me in.

I have a home team now and the owner adores me. He loves me soft and he loves me  hard.

And I love him down.
-Rush

I’m always making a face.

What is going on here?!

Posted on by JustAskMaia

We start school tomorrow and I have really been contemplating going back to school (again) myself. Outside of the student loan I may have to get to supplement, I cant think of any reason I shouldn’t. 🤔

What have you been considering for yourself?

Last year we did a split, homeschool and public school. This year we’re back on homeschooling exclusively because my children do not perform well. Not for lack of trying or their actual ability but because my children, for whatever reason, are instantly popular. And honey they eat that UP! Unfortunately they cannot multi task. I wish they could keep up their grade and be mr/Mrs popularity.

I am so excited to teach full time this year. Courses will be harder, rules will be more strict, and deadlines will be enforced.

Thats the hardest part about homeschooling really, turning off mom and turning on teacher. Everything else is a breeze.

What will be tricky is navigating current events. The news changes up constantly, not everything is being reported, and most news outlets lean left or right. I just want the honest truth.

It almost seems like school isn’t worth it. Everything my generation was taught is a lie, I dont know what to believe as new files are being unsealed and declassified.  But it’s fun learning all the things I didnt know but thought I did.

I think back to times when an education above elementary was null because we used our hands more.  We thought more. Now with everchanging technology you dont know who’s smart and who’s stupid because nothing is a fact. It’s like we’re in a dystopian world.

Despite that, I’m teaching everything. Old, new, and changing.

We have different sets of encyclopedias to compare how things change. I like this method of teaching because it keeps them flexible and open for more knowledge. I want them so enthralled with knowledge that they believe that they can do absolutely anything that they set their minds to. Because I believe they can.

Trouble with technology

Posted on by JustAskMaia

With a large family like mine, you would think that there is no shortage of family time. And, while, for the most part, we do activities together there is a big disconnect that can bring up arguing and bickering. The feeling of not connecting or everyone really getting to know one another.

I attribute this to the overwhelming dependence of electronics. McRush and I definitely spoil our crew so its surely on us. Mostly me. When I see something I think the RushBunch would like, I’m pressed to get it. Whether its clothes, games, vacations, or electronics.

I suppose, in some way, I feel a sense of guilt for having 12 children. I always want to make sure they  feel loved and appreciated. This is more than likely from the pressures and whispers of friends, family, and even strangers, that “there is no way those children are getting enough love with that many children”.

I’m a giver. I give every part of me and that includes my pockets.

We have family night on Fridays and monthly family trips. But it doesn’t feel like enough to me. I am constantly loving on them. I talk to them one-on-one. I (probably) overshare. And yes, I buy them whatever they want. We even have one-on-one lunch dates.

The problem with this, aside from me being drained in every way, is that I fear I have created Takers. And while much of this could be a compilation of them growing up and finding themselves in addition to them being regular teenagers, they bicker A LOT. So much so that it feels, to me, like having an aversion towards one another. Though not disrespectful to myself or their father.

So, starting this month, today, McRush and I have implemented the following.

Now, while they do share time together, the dependency on their electronics has placed a bit of a strain on their relationships. This is my resolve, agreed to by McRush.  I thought I’d share in case anyone else needed it.

Things To Do
Tea party with the girls.
Play football with the boys.
Go for a walk with 2+ people
Play a family board game.
Get to know a sibling better
Play jump rope
Play hopscotch
Go skating together
Go for a bike ride with someone
Go skating outside
Play cards
Start (and finish) a chapter book with a little
Write your grandparents a letter
Volunteer for a neighbor
Teach someone something of value
Organize an area of the house
Do a chore for a sibling
Practice your signatures together
Do an art project with a little
Draw with someone
Color together
Teach someone a new dance
Create a handshake
Wash the cars together
Tell someone 5 things that you like about them
Journal with someone
Walk the Milo with someone
Have lunch with someone
Have a friendly competition
Do a chore together
Help someone reach a new goal
Create a ritual/habit together
Meditate with someone
Give out hugs and gratitude
Fix a family meal
Build something together
Share your hopes and dreams with someone
Create a new dish together
(You may create a group idea to be approved by parents)

Each of these quests should be dedicated a minimum of 15 minutes. No arguing or bickering, just calm resolve. You are required to do a minimum of three (3) per day. Failure to do so will result in the forfeiture of your electronics for 24 hours 1st offense, 48 hours the 2nd offense, 1 week your 3rd . Failure to cooperate will result in 30 days of forfeiture.
Electronics include TVs, laptops, switches, phones, iPad, and electric scooters.
-Mom & Dad

What do you think? Am I overthinking? Are my expectations too high? Let me know in the comments and feel free to share. ❤️