To beat their butts or not…..

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I’m not here for a debate so I will just jump right into it.

As a mother to 9, soon to be 10, children, I assure you that this is the most asked questioned we get. It is usually dressed up nicely by those who try to be politically correct or just plain nosey. “How do you get them to behave?’ or “What do you use?”

The answer in my head is, none of your dang business, but I play nice and smile and say “Love.”

Believe it or not children do respond well to it. Now, please do not be misinformed, they CAN get it but it doesn’t resort to that.

I have my days when I want to pull my hair out or simply state to my husband, ..”and we have NINE”. I get headaches and I fuss. Most times I put myself in time out which is usually the attempt to hide in my closet from the littles who have not yet learned my moods and patience level.

Every time, and I do mean every time, we are out in public we are approached with statements like, “I can’t even get my two children to behave, I cannot imagine having nine”. The truth is, if you cannot get your two children to behave then you probably should have stopped at one. I know, that was harsh but you are the parent.

As for me I am the most impatient person I know and I do not accept anything less than your best and that goes for my children as well. If they are wrong, I tell them they are wrong. If they are not doing their best, I tell them that too. If they are acting like a jerk, I let them know that as well. I am really bad at sugar coating things and that goes for my children as well. I pretty much treat my children like I treat my clients. I am not here to feed you fairytales about how wonderful you are and how great the world is. I am here to tell you the truth and prepare you for an even harsher truth called life.

So I suppose by now you are like, answer the question already! So, No. No I do not beat my children into submission otherwise my life would be much simpler. My children are very well behaved in public but let me tell you something, they are absolutely barbaric at home! I mean really, flipping through the house, jumping down the stairs, running around like loose weirdos, but in public, not a peep.

There really is no secret to it at all. Do I believe children should get their butt beat? Yup. I have seen some children that I just want to beat on site, old school with an extention cord but they are not mine so I digress and mind my business like I would like people to do about mine.

Again, I definitely have my days, especially trying to work on my businesses and homeschool whilst continuing to be a good wife and mother. It is tiring and oftentimes stressful. I recently spoke with someone about this issue I have about feeling like I was going to go crazy and she suggested I, get this, get organized!!! What, the nerve! But I took her advice and spent the last week in June creating a slew of schedules that I implemented starting July 1st. And although it is only the second of July, my life has never been so smooth sailing, even before the RushBunch. We stick to those schedules like my life depends on it (because I think it does). This is the second night where nine o’clock hit and all of my children are asleep. This feels like heaven! If I keep this up, this may not be the last Rush out of me yet [LIES].

I am so grateful for her and her wise words to me. Now I am like a child in a candy store; excited to get to bed before one a.m.

Family vacation my FOOT!

Posted on by JustAskMaia

So I have been off of here for a few days and there is so much that I would like to share with you guys, my thoughts, interactions, and goings-ons, that I am going to have to post a few blogs tonight just to catch up.

Let us start with this “family vacation” we have recently gone on……..

I do not even know where to start but let me first say that whoever came up with the term FAMILY vacation was obviously delusional in every aspect of the matter. At no point during our trip to Myrtle Beach did I feel or have the remote inkling that I was on vacation. There was nothing that I did that said vacation. I will admit though that everything said, family.

We were blessed to be able to get a room for a very reasonable rate that had a kitchenette in it. There was a pool right outside our door and the beach was like a 45 second walk. The customer service was awesome. The keep was exceptionally pleasant and I even messed up a plate and they did not charge me for it (mostly due to the fact that I was honest and brought it to their attention first). The best part is they were a family and couples only hotel which meant everyone was civilized and respectful of one another. The best part was they never one time turned their noses up or turned us down once they found out that we have 9 children; this is especially a rarity for us when we travel.

Now, the trip. While I felt very extended while away because i was not only doing the same everyday things that I do at home, I had to do them in tighter living quarters and if you know me you would know that I hate clutter and cluttered situations but I digress for the good of the trip. I still had to get up and cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I still taught school and created daily lessons, I still worked for one of my clients (which I will not do ever again), and I still had to pack, unpack, and clean. This has brought me to the sad conclusion that no matter where I am I will always be slave, er, I mean mom.

My children are spoiled to the max and I am okay with that sometimes; on vacation is NOT one of those times.

I am just whining. Although I still felt like the nanny-cook-housekeeper-slave, the smiles and enjoyment from my children makes it all worth it. We went to the beach that my children beg to go to all the time but when we get there, they remember that they are deathly afraid of the water. The laughter I get from that alone makes the trip worthwhile. Lol. Likewise with the pool. Sai almost drowned in 3 feet even though he is 4 foot 2 inches tall. I laughed so hard at his dramatics that I almost forgot to save him (so his brother jumped in to do it). I kept yelling stand up but he was too busy being dramatic. And before you flood me with the fact that it is possible for him to drown in three feet while being over four feet tall, yes, I am well aware of that but if you knew Sai you would totally see why it was funny.

In the end (and even some parts of during) I did thoroughly enjoy the trip <—— (notice I didn’t say vacation). It was fun plus I got to hit some cool Thrift Stores on the way home.

 

-Rush

Lost in a relationship.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

No. My relationship is not in trouble, just a few thoughts I have been pondering from watching other people.

There are several things that turn a relationship sour. There is not a top of the list and no one thing that is better or worse than the other. I believe all of these issues are attributable to the demise of a relationship. I have been in relationships where some of these were a factor and I have been in a relationship that possessed all of them…stupid ex. But after all the tears and anger, I managed to come out stronger than I thought I ever would and I am able to consult and encourage those who are. Alas, as much as I dislike what I was taken through in life I owe my success to it. Pay attention because this is free advice that I normally charge $50 an hour for. I, at this point, am just tired of seeing our black men badger our black women on their big mouths and bad attitudes; their lack of subordination and respect. I am also tired of seeing our black women badger our black men on their inconsistencies and inabilities to keep them happy; Their lazy and selfish ways. Both sides are angry and both sides are hurt and I think it about time we meet at the round table to discuss our issues and the roots that plague us.

Lets start with the list. [Lack of] communication, respect, compassion, and honesty. The root; poor upbringing from our parent’s poor upbringing from their parent’s poor upbringing, etc.

How many of us can honestly say that our parent(s) taught us about being a good mate? How many have discussed it with us that it is important to not carry the aforementioned characteristics? Even the more, how many of us had examples of what a healthy two parent household relationship should look like? There is your root that is more than likely their root and so on.

We forget that we are one people. Men want to be able to come home and relax. They want a good meal and conversation. They want to be able to unload and unwind from the struggles, worries, pains, and injustices of their day. They want to be held and told that everything will be alright. They want to feel at home. But here is the kicker.. So do women. We forget that we face the same issues in our daily lives, its just painted differently. We do not know how to communicate that to each other. Your wife does not want to nag you to death, she wants you to understand that she had a rough day too. and when neither one can civilly communicate with each other they search elsewhere for someone who will let them release. We do not respect that we both go through the same trials in life just trying to get ahead. We are so angry at the world that we get angry at each other for not being there. We are not honest with one another. When something is bothering you tell her/him, don’t just say ‘nothing’ or ‘I’m fine’, that is dishonesty. Learn to pour your heart out to the person you pour your soul into during intimacy. You are one, how can you be mad at yourself and never seek to resolve the issue. LISTEN. Don’t just hear the words and wait to interject your opinion/disagreement by taking mental ‘get-back’ notes. What your mate has to say needs to be heard because they are worth it. Aren’t they?

By not respecting one another and being there for one another we are continuing the cycle of our own extinction. It is a hard journey for us all but just because you hurt on the left and I hurt on the right does not make my pain any less important than yours. It starts with a conversation and continues on by passing the gathered information.

So who’s going to meet me at the round table? There is plenty of room.

 

-Rush

usies

National outcry after mom arrested for whipping child

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I am going to make this quick and painless for you because I rarely make it a point to blog back to back. Shoot, I can barely blog daily like I want to. However, I just read about a woman who beat her children and was arrested for it. Not only that the children are now in child services custody.

Now, I know a lot of people don’t believe in spanking, whooping, beating, or tearing that behind up….wait, let me first say that I think that is a load of crap because every parent has their moment when they know their child needs a quick hand to the back side. Okay, now that I have said that….

This woman is a great mom! There are some mothers who would have done nothing nor would they have made their children give the stolen goods back. This woman, this MOTHER chose to do what needed to be done to set them right. people can say all day that she should have talked to them or grounded them but talk to them about what, how stealing is wrong? At the age of 13 I am sure that even if this conversation had never taken place, which I highly doubt, I am so sure that the children involved already knew that stealing is not right. As a toddler you even know when you sneak things its wrong so I impose upon you to riddle me this, what should she have talked about?

I have been blessed with children that I do not oftentimes have to go to this extreme, and I use that word lightly because there is nothing extreme about lighting some fire on that tale, but I will. I tell my children all the time, I will dial the number for you and pack your bags for you honey. My children think I am the worst parent ever because I use the method my mom and dad used on me, they talked me to death about my actions. Half the time I was crying because I just wanted them to shut up not because I felt bad but that’s a secret (even though my mom reads my blogs faithfully. (HI MOM!)) But it worked. That is not going to work for everyone and that’s the truth. My best friend used to take everything she ever bought her daughter. Bed, clothes, toys, dresser, etc. All she had was the carpet to sleep on and what clothes she had on her back all weekend. That worked for her daughter. I have a friend that uses scripture to discipline her children. Whatever they did wrong, she would find scripture for it and make them write it 100 times and then write an essay about what they did and why it was wrong. That didn’t work for her kids because they are bad as hell, but you get my point. Everything doesn’t work for everyone. This woman knows her children. Let her discipline her children because the death penalty is much better right.

 

-Rush

Only a black woman will truly understand

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I had a moment. Its gone. I am so angry and I just don’t know why. Is it a stigma I was born with because I am a black woman? I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that we are all bred to be angry. What happened? I am going to lay it all out on the paper today. I will not proofread it or I will change it or not publish it.
I am on a journey to dig deep onto the revelation of the “Why” of an angry black woman. THIS angry black woman. As I sit and ponder about this subject, I began to wonder if it truly is our upbringing. We as women are bred to believe that we are to keep our mouths shut and find our place as a child. and mind our parents, suppressing any thoughts of anger or resentment without speaking how you feel. Taught to do as you are told and do as I say not as I do. I oftentimes wonder if this is the root of the anger of a black woman. Black boys are allowed to go out and dig ditches and play in the dirt,get into fist fights with other boys, argue with their neighbors children. They don’t have to do the same chores that we have to do. As I dig deep, I think about the difference in the way that we are raised as a black family. We are raised as little girls to act like a lady, carry of yourself accordingly, never really given the opportunity to express ourselves. On the other hand, boys- black boys- can do what they want “they’re just being boys” we are taught not to scrape up our knees or scuff our shins, hold your pinky up when you drink your tea. There are no rules to being a black boy. Now that I think about it we are raised to be angry black women not purposely and not because something happened to us. Its just the way that families are raised. “Girls don’t do that, girls don’t behave like that, black girls don’t act like that.” We’re raised to suppress what we are really truly feeling and usually the first relationship we get into we act the way we were raised; our first boyfriend respects that but as soon as we speak on something that we are angry about they give us a sideways look like we’re trying to act brand new but the truth is we’re mad and we are mad from within. We over react when we’re upset because we don’t know HOW to react when we’re upset, we weren’t taught to say what’s on your mind. We weren’t taught to say how we feel. We were taught to be delicate and soft and gentle but the truth of the matter is, some of us aren’t soft and delicate and gentle. The bottom line is we don’t know how to connect with our emotions, we don’t know how to casually speak that we’re angry or say that you did something to upset us. We hold it in and we suppress it. There’s a box of sensitivity within that holds that suppression and we get angry and we put it in the box we get mad and we put it in the box. We suppress it and suppress it and suppress it until the box of sensitivity can explode with just one touch. One wrong word from anyone. Who is that someone? Our mates. Because no matter how angry we get we were raised to respect our parents to act like a lady to stay in our place and to stay dainty. So that box of sensitivity will never explode on our parents. I believe that the anger that we hold with in starts from a very young age so yes sometimes, sometimes I am an angry black woman. And do you want to know the truth about it? I hate it. I hate being labeled as an angry black woman. I’ve been married for years and there’s a woman within that my husband doesn’t even know because I’m taught to suppress it and when I start to express it I lose my mind and he hates it so I suppress it. I don’t know how to express it so really there is no one thing that makes me mad there is no one man that’s made me mad, its life. Life is expression but if I can’t express myself then I’m not really living am I? I make a vow this day to teach my daughters that’s it is okay to express themselves. It is okay to say when you are upset or when you are hurt or when you are angry. It’s okay to be mad. It’s okay to be hurt. It’s okay to be angry. It’s NOT okay to hold on to it. I employ all of my black women, light skin, brown skin, dark skin, honey, peanut butter; it doesn’t matter what complexion you are, a black woman is a black woman and I am a black woman. I am raising black women we need to stand with one another and for one another find the roots of your anger and confront it. Our anger is not towards each other. We need to learn that, we need to know that, we need to own that. Accept that the key to growing is accountability. Take the accountability for your actions, it is the only way you can grow. It is the only way we will shake this stigma from our bones. I will lead the way by starting with me.
-Rush

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