My onlyfans

There are so many options to make money out here. I was applying to jobs fir the holiday season but the biggest obstacle I encountered is I own my own company so getting a position in the same line of work is damn near impossible. I suppose it’s because people feel like I am going to take their trade secrets or clients. The only thing I was trying to do was make a few extra dollars. Alot of jobs say I am over qualified. I always hated that statement but being a business owner I get it. If I hire someone and not maximizing their full capability (because I’m not paying them enough) it more than likely will not work out. This is when most people get bored and start looking for work elsewhere especially if they are unable to get a bump from you.

I hate shopping so while the Amazon position I seen was quite appealing I knew I would not stick with it for more than a week. Ian, I am a mom of 12 who homeschools and I am also a wife so shopping never even makes my list of things to do. Either McRush does it or I shop online.

I also considered starting a side hustle but I would want it to be fully legit. That is, afterall what I teach. With that being said I would need to invest in it first which means I am doing the opposite of what I set out to do…. make money.

I considered a yard sale for all of the unwanted and unused things we have but that takes more work than I am willing to put in. 🙃

The Way I see it, my only option is OnlyFans. People are making hundreds of thousands of dollars with it. I mean they are probably doing some things I am not willing to do so my rate goes down exponentially. The problem is I cannot think of anything I can do on onlyfans that is not disrespectful to my husband. There’s the whole foot thing but that means I would have to keep up on weekly pedicures and I don’t like them. 😞

I am such a fickle person. Particular and fickle.

I guess at this rate my family is my onlyfans and they don’t pay enough. 😂

Invisible God

While 2022 has been quite the bumpy road…. no, dirt road with gravel and stones… I am proud of myself for getting through it. There were a few scares and some stumbles but overall, I didn’t die.

Just so you know, this isn’t about to be some quirky religious post, I just couldn’t think of a catchy title. It popped in my head and voila. That is the extent of my creativity.

I will say though that I have been feeling pretty invisible myself these past few months. I mean, I have pitched clients, emailed resumes, called businesses. Even my social media is declining. I really feel like I may be caught in the twilight zone. 🤔

I already know that I am invisible to my children. I have been gentle parenting but somehow the children missed the memo to reciprocate with gentle children-ing. In case you didn’t know I have 12 so it gets a little rough around here.

My decision to gentle parent had nothing to do with my upbringing but moreso my lack of assertion. Yup. I said it. I have always been so concerned about other people’s feelings, emotions, and outcomes of my actions and behavior that I really think it has made me a bad mom. Not because I gentle parent but because I hold on to gentle parenting as a clutch to my inability to put my foot down. I can think of a time or few when my children should have gotten a swift kick in the butt instead of a conversation about behavior because let’s face it, children know better. They may not understand the full capacity of the ramifications but they definitely know what’s right from what’s wrong.

Eh. Anyway, I’m on a tangent. Those who know me understand that I am as Black and white as they come, very simple, and a self proclaimed minimalist. I am still trying yo figure out how I have not exploded because McRush and the children are the complete opposite. It drives me insane. Like why are we keeping the boxes to everything? Why do we have 40 towels? Why do we have 15 bicycles? Why do we need 2 brooms and another new one that we have had for about 6 months. I will literally be on the brink of crying but I have to remember that it’s not just my world.

I have been limiting my time and reading more which, now that I think about it could be the reason for my decline aforementioned 🤔. Anyway. Reading really calms me and since I rarely get to do it with all of my daily tasks, I have been feeling a little unraveled.

Due to my self reflections and accountability I am realizing that I have some pretty destructive safe havens. I smoke black and mild when I need to take a breath. I drink to sleep of any anxiety. I vape to relax and zone out. I cuss and yell when I am having a hard time expressing myself in a way that people will listen. To be honest, I just want a simple road. I have never had one and I do not anticipate gaining access to one in the future so, I have a therapist. We were iff to a weird start, missing calendar dates, I’ll coordinated times, forgetfulness. You name it but we got it together now.

So, here is to a new me to bring into the new year. A happy healthy more vibrant me that is as intentional as much as she is successful.