Rest

May you be obedient in direction.
So often we find ourselves at an imaginary fork in the road, one that we have placed there out of fear and mistrust even unbeknownst to ourselves.
We spend all of our lives hoping, wishing, and praying to make it to some [unreachable] point in our lives but really sabotaging our own true happiness.
Have you ever heard the statement that to whom much is given much is required? Sure you have. Do you know what that means? Good, now do you know what that means to you?
Most times we have a tendency to place glass ceilings over our heads and after awhile feeling like we cannot break through it. Why is that? Usually it is becaise we have found complacency in the safety net of ‘right now’.
Everyone that I coach and even those that I speak to or even consult with will always say they are not where they want to be but when asked to elaborate why they feel that way the response is usually ‘I don’t know’.
Why don’t you know? Because you have never given it any true thought.  Just a ponder here and a tinge of envy there, now you feel like you deserve more but more what? More of what someone else has? What is it that you really want out of life?
I challenge you to sit in a quiet moment and ask yourself, what would make me happy? Nothing materialistic because that is not true happiness that is a perk of happiness. What makes you happy is that thing that makes your heart skip a beat and your lips turn upward inadvertently in a smile. That is happiness. Happiness is when you lay your head on the pillow and doze off as soon as you close your eyes because there are no serious thoughts to ponder.
Find rest in trusting yourself. Just take a moment to find out what you really want in life and set it in motion to make it happen.
-Rush

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Check out the chunky girl.

As I stood in the mirror sadly wiggling my arms, like most women do I had an epiphany. I noticed my arms were bigger than I would like them to be so I began to mentally assess the rest of my body. I imagined my mommy pooch that I am completely embarrassed by despite the fact that I have birth more children than are common for this generation. I do not like that my thighs are not as toned as they used to be (I am certainly grateful that they do not rub).

I oftentimes spend more time than naturally necessary to get dressed in the morning, or afternoon depending on my mood, due to my dislike of what I see in the mirror. I have some of the most appropriately adorable clothes hanging in my closet. Some of them never worn with tags still on them. Everyday I go to the closet and pick out what I want to wear all the way down to the coordinated jewelry. I jump in the shower feeling confident in my upcoming cuteness only to get dressed and hate what it looks like on me. It kind of like that feeling you have when you go to the store and see an outfit all decked out on the mannequin only to try it on and feel like a modern day umpa lumpa.

Why? Why must I feel shamed so deeply to the point of considering… well I haven’t quite gotten to that point but I do desire change.

Then I thought, why do I complain about every aspect of myself instead of loving my what I have been given. I mean, what is complaining going to do? What is hating myself going to do? Nothing, absolutely nothing. So I am left to ponder, when am I going to do something? I mean, I can do one of two things. I can learn to love me and my sexy chunkiness and keep it moving (also shop for better fitting clothes), or I can get my eating habits in line with healthiness and go to the gym. Those are my options. Complaining is not an option. I hope as you read this and think on your own insecurities you begin to feel the same way. Confidence in life is very important because without it we will fail in life miserably because the affects of our own body discomforts will begin seap into every function in life, so much so to where it will bury the true emotions of what really is bothering us. That is where depression comes in and frustration and hatred and anger. None of these are meaningful in life for the purpose of happiness and prosperity. So I urge you today to love who you are even before you decide to make life changes, I know I will. Will you join me?

-Rush

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Right versus wrong

It saddens me to a deep extent that my husband and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum on many life issues. Almost every event in life we have different views on. We have different interests and different peeves. We come from different lifestyles and different backgrounds. We do have some things in common but its not nearly as much as our differences. I am pretty much an open book but him, he is like a locked roster. I have to bite my tongue a lot of times on the account of how my husband may feel about a certain issue and letting people know too much detail in our lives. He was raised in the country, I in the city. I found my independence at 16, he at 27. I had my fun in the world sowing my wild oats, he was a good guy always home at a decent hour. I smoked drank cussed tried drugs and he did none of that. I am a news junkie always knowing whats going on around the world, I love to read self help and development books. He’d rather watch comedies and tinker with the latest gadgets. I want to change the world by the masses and he’d rather do it one person or step at a time. I always jump right into everything while he would rather test the water with his thermometer. Its funny how different we are sometimes though. I just smile at how calm he is as the world around him is at war he is just as happy as God made him to be. Me, I’m affected as soon as I hear “BREAKING NEWS” on the television. Thank God our children, for the most part, inherited his calm and assessing demeanor. He keeps me grounded. I don’t know if I would be sane if it not for him. I tend to go into information overload where I cannot even function until I have processed every thought I have taken in and in America today, thats alot.
Still, I wish sometimes that we could see eye to eye more. Its hard to plan when you aren’t in agreement. Most times he just goes along with what I want to do or what I feel is best because he just wants me to be happy, but to me, I feel like, now he’s not happy.
Its crazy because we both try to please one another which ultimately means someone has to compromise and with both of us willing to do it we oftentimes find ourselves back where we started.
At the end of the day we find comfort in our common ground we did manage to make and that’s all that matters.
-Rush

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What Are going to do about it?

I do not know what to say. I remember the stories my grandmother used to tell me about the coming of the last and evil days. I also remember my mother telling me the same thing. Not too long ago I was telling my son the same thing. And today the evil has made its presence ever so prevalent. I suppose in hindsight it has been here all along. I have never seen a man take his last breath of life, yesterday I saw two. Senseless as it may be it is only the beginning of even worse evil to come.

Last night, after seeing Philando Castile and Alton Sterling take in their last breath and release its counterpart, the reality became more, realistic. When my husband leaves for work he may not return. When my son leaves for school he may not come home. There is currently a standing order in my home and that is, no one leaves out of my site until further notice. Even I may leave and never return home again.

Something has to give, someone has to give! It took a lot for me not to cry myself to sleep but I am not normally an emotional person (I used to be but life has hardened me a little). Crying is not logical. All of the cryings in the world will not bring these men back or these women. They senselessly and unapologetically lost their lives because they were black, period. They continue to try and explain them away by bringing up their past or systematically call out lies like, “he’s got a gun” or “Don’t grab my gun”, or “Stop resisting”.  Lies.  Sadly we are becoming desensitized to all of this going on around us until someone we know and love becomes the next target; the next victim. I don’t want to die like that. Honestly, I don’t want to die at all but that isn’t happening.

Today I have decided to shift my focus. I have always believed that black people should own their own businesses or at the very least if you have to work, do what you want not accept whatever you can get. I always stand on the platform of ‘You Can’ because you can but now You MUST. It is imperative to take back your dollars by taking back your communities. Take back your families and take back your lives. I will no longer be passive with my tactics of stepping up. STEP UP. Take charge of your life and all that you own even if it be just the clothes on your back, or less. Stop settling for life and live life. It is time to stop sitting in your living room blaming someone else and Stand up! Step UP!

My heart has been beating double time since seeing these men gunned down and murdered in cold blood and even though these lynchings, yes I said lynchings have been happening for many years, we are now in the era of technology and now what has been happening in the dark is now coming to light. I do not believe that some police suddenly have the urge to kill and destroy black men; I believe it has been part of the agenda for many years and many more years to come. Let us not forget that policing originated specifically to keep the black race feeling inferior by harassing and beating them in their place. Unfortunately, it’s worse than that. What’s worse than that you ask? The facts that we inadvertently have succumbed to maintain the mentality of the former day slaves when the Jim Crow letter was written to keep us separate by complexion. What foolishness and how foolish of us to continue to allow this hatred and anger and bitterness to seep into our very souls to the point where we as women cannot complement one another on our daily walks of like, or where our brothers are constantly plotting and scheming against their very own. What madness we have created by passing it down to our children to continue this vicious cycle of self-hatred and mass destruction of our own people. Shame on you! Shame on me! Shame on us!

Even in this moment of murders by government officials, we refuse to stand united. Why?

I implore you to take a look in the mirror and take inventory of what you can do to better not just your life but the lives of the people around you. What can you do?

While this is not just a black issue it begins with us and I assure you that it needs to end with us.

So I ask you again, what are you going to do?

-Rush

Phil

Deeper inside.

I hate living with insecurities. Whether its an obvious insecurity or a hidden one. We all have them and we deal with them the best way we know how. I have decided to write all of my insecurities down and deal with them head on as opposed to applying makeup to cover them up. No, not necessarily actual makeup because your insecurity may be in how you walk, or speak. It may be in the way you do something or NOT do something. It may be something like mine,  I have insecurities in parenting. I have no idea what I am doing and everyday I wake up I am absolutely petrified of getting it wrong. There are so many personalities in our home so there is no child rearing that is the same. Some of my children respond to timeouts, some to the silent treatment, some to fussing, etc. It in itself is a daily strategy. But somehow I manage to get it right. Each day is different from the one before so everyday takes a different strength but all days take prayer.
I commend all parents because we face much critism in the way we raise our children because somehow people think that every child should be raised the same; alot of love and no rearing. To me, those are the bad parents, the ones that pass judgement. It is not for you to tell me how to raise my children and it is not my business to tell you how to raise yours.

Another insecurity I have are my looks. The list is far too vast to name but I assure you that there is no part of me that I am in love with. Yup, not one. I do not hate myself in any way, shape, or form so please do not think I am saying that. I still get up and get out to meet people and spread the word about my busineses. No, I will not get modifications to change the way that I am. I just have not fully come into liking all of me the way that I should. I do love me though, if that makes sense.
I want to do videos and such but when I look over the video I am just like ugh, what if they see my missing tooth or I wish I didn’t do my face like that. My face looks fat or my hair looks stupid.. I guess its more of me caring what other people think which I definately shouldn’t be doing. Eh, what can I say? One thing I know for sure is I am a continual work in progress because I have come a long way from where I once was and that’s not just economically but naturally and mentally as well. Everything in due time. And that is basically what this post is about. People tell me all the time “you have it all together” but I don’t, I really don’t. I have days that I have to dragged myself out of bed or look in the mirror and puff myself up just to get started but its okay, I still get started. There are days I feel like I can conquer the world and I do, in my own little way.  Baby steps ya’ll. 
-Rush

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(I took this picture yesterday. What a beautiful sight)

Its over now.

So I decided to take a week off from the consulting firm. That went well *shaking my head no*. I forgot how this is supposed to work but I believe when you say you are taking the week off you aren’t supposed to do any work. So by definition, what I really did was go from full time to part time. It was agonizing, you really can’t turn your thoughts off you know. So I carried around a notebook so I could jot down notes and reminders. I even created a to do list that was supposed to be for Tuesday when I went “back to work” but this list became an extensive list of things that will surely take me weeks to do. So now instead of calling it my Tuesday to-do list it is now my July running list.

I did get to spend a bunch of quality time with my babies, I guess that was nice. We would lounge around doing nothing but chat, color, sing, watch videos, jam out to old school music or play board games. This type of stuff is detrimental to your children’s memories. I mean, I have to make amends for the days I am viciously trying to meet a deadline and become some crazy devil woman. I have to somehow force out my crazy mommy memories with more fun loving ones. My children are going to need therapy for sure. I am a workaholic and I am not trying to change that. I have goals.

On a much sweeter note, yes, I have sweet notes.. This weekend I was honored to meet a young lady who follows me on Facebook, she traveled all the way across the country to see me! Okay, I mean she drove from North Carolina! Okay, maybe not JUST to see me but she did squeeze me in. Gosh, you guys sure know how to crush a girls ego, sheesh! Anyhow, She was a lovely lady and her son, Tre was amazing as well, I think I want to be like him when I grow up….wait…scratch that. He was amazing though. I am sure I was boring as I was stopped by some fanatic wanting to know how I managed to keep control of my well behaved children AND have a business and a husband. She didn’t believe me when I said we didn’t have a nanny or caregiver to help us out. I want one but I don’t have one…yet. She was thoroughly intrigued in the upbringing of these well mannered children. The questions lasted forever. For now on, I am just going to tell people I AM the nanny and I am only hanging around because the mother ran off and I felt so sorry for the children. Maybe they’ll start giving me money, you know, pay me for my time that they keep asking questions. People are so invasive, ugh!

This fourth of July was spent with my love bugs. Thomas grilled and the children played in the pool and back yard. I, of course, was cooking. I saw a post long ago that was so relevant to my situation today. Men get all the credit for grilling but really, the women do all the work. We clean, season, and prep the meat for the grill assuring that they have every utensil known to man for grilling. We cook all the sides and we serve the plates. I don’t clean the kitchen though, that’s what slaves, er, I mean children are for. bwahahahahaha. I am sure my son does not think that’s funny, but I do! hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well. I am off to get a cup of coffee and go to bed.. Don’t judge me. 🙂

-Rush
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Spoiled

Everywhere we go we are stared at and whispers fill the room. Sometimes people point, oftentimes people even turn their nose up in disgust but more often then not we are asked questions like, ‘How do you do it’ or ‘Are you finished’. I smile and answer the plethora of questions that usually follow and before we know it 10 minutes have passed. Sometimes it feels like we are a circus act or something, just more normal looking.

Yes, we have nine children that we bring with us just about everywhere. Not only is it hard to get a sitter that will not charge us, understandably, out the yin yang, but we do not trust many people with our babies, not with the horror stories swirling about and all these young ones losing their lives senselessly. Shoot, if you will hurt yours I know you’ll hurt mine…I’ll pass. Its not as hard as some may think. I tell people all the time that its not like God just one day said, here, take these nine children and raise them. They came one by one at their own time in their own way. I love them all equally and specially for their different personalities. That is not to say that I do not need a moment for myself sometimes and if we get lucky someone will come along and ask if they can sit for us (this number is small because well, so is my trust). In the many years my husband and I have managed to steal away on six dates. We are so dull when we go out, we never want to wander too far in case of emergency. We usually stay within twenty minutes drive time. We do not mind at all though. We could sit in the car in the driveway for all we care. No, we are not paranoid, we just like to cherish every moment we can. The same year Madison passed away, Thomas’s mom passed so we know what its like to lose a parent and a child so we learned to value every moment. Most people do not understand but really, its not for them to i suppose. Thomas and I do take “breaks” from one another briefly though. I may go get my nails done or he may take a drive. We always remember to thank God for the moments we have as well as the love.

I came on here to blog about my confusion as to why my children are so spoiled. I do not mean collectively as a whole but individually. Each one of my children behaves as if they are the only child. Its ridiculous. They literally will fight over who sits the closest to me or their father. You would think that being raised with one another they would have figured out by now that its not just them but eight other children but no, they haven’t. I try to tell myself that they will break out of it eventually but honestly I am beginning to lose faith in that theory seeing that my oldest will soon be sixteen and he acts the same exact way.

One thing I love about blogging is the clarity I gain in chatting. I can see why my children are spoiled. They are loved and adored. They get everything they need and mostly what they want…except Reggie who wants a dang hover board and his life insurance doesn’t cover foolishness. I may break down though.

I want to say I love you to my husband who is at work right now but as soon as he gets an alert that I have put up a blog he will read it on his break. I love you Thomas Rush because I get on your nerves and you love me anyway! ❤

Oh and to answer the question everyone asks, we do not know if we are finished. Only God knows.

-Rush
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Get better, always

 

Why do people feel the need talk about others? Just a thought on my mind today. I mean how much better are you than they are just due to the simple fact that you’re talking about them? You know, gossiping.

People often say that I have a holier-than-thou attitude. But I don’t think I am holier-than-thou, I know that I am holier than the old me and I am very proud of that.

A little history about Maisha Rush

I was born in a City—–> city girl HEEEEY! I am the oldest of seven brothers and two sisters. I thought I was grown when I was sixteen after I got my diploma so I started smelling myself and left home shortly after, I was 17 by then though. I found out pretty quickly how hard life really was but my pride wouldn’t let me go back home. I guess it was really my shame and guilt. I left one day while my mom was asleep and I didn’t say bye or anything. I still feel a skip in my heart and a punch in my gut when I think about doing that to my mom. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I went to Philadelphia and registered myself for college. I worked two jobs while going to school and in the semesters I decided not to go, I worked three. The city life, you have to love it. At one point I started stripping at a club called Princess’s Lounge. It was a creepy place but it paid good money. I was grossed out every time I walked into that place. The owner was nice but she didn’t play. That’s when I found out you had to pay to be a stripper.

I eventually moved back to Florida with my mom for awhile. I hooked up with my old friends and it was party heaven. I was clubbing, smoking, drinking, cussing like a sailor, and yes I had a boyfriend so I was fornicating too. I was back and forth between Philadelphia and Florida doing everything I was old enough to do. I loved it! My best friend was a big time drug lord so I was always spoiled. I knew him before he got to be a big-to-do in the city so no; I didn’t have to sleep with him. I was surrounded in crime and illegal mess, even some legal mess. I got pregnant. It all stopped.  I wanted better for my son. I knew it was wrong all along but I do not mind being held accountable for my actions but when I had my son, my whole outlook on life changed. He was more important than the air that I breathed. He was my everything. I got on the straight and narrow. I did everything in my power not to be a recipient of the welfare system, within legal limits. I struggled so badly. I wanted nothing to do with my old friends because I didn’t trust myself not to fall back into that life again. I found myself homeless and living on the streets with my almost one year old boy. It wasn’t working like I always dreamed it would. I sent my son to my mother until there was a better handle on things.

I have been on an up and down roller coaster most of my adult life. My stepfather died. I lost a child to SIDS. I Had a horrible miscarriage. I have been homeless twice. I have an anger problem I have been working on. I was a stripper both personal and public. I have been married. I have been divorced, I have been in an abusive relationship where I could have lost my life, I have been a habitual liar, you name it I probably went through it.

I decided one day to get saved and lived right and I haven’t turned back since. I sometimes get so stressed out that I want a cigarette or a nice shot of Vodka, but I don’t.  I sometimes get so mad I could cuss, but I don’t.

I do still strip occasionally but I’m married to the person so I believe it’s okay ; )

I said all that to say. You may think I believe I am holier than thou but it’s not you I feel I am holier than. It’s the old me and I like the life I am living now. Does it get hard sometimes? Absolutely. Do I make it through? You better know it.

I am smarter than I once was. I am stronger than I once was. I AM holier than I once was. And I love me better for it. If you get offended, maybe it’s something within yourself that you desire to change. Or maybe you just want to be more like me (okay THAT was a joke. I do have some humility about me).

That’s why I just really want to go out and talk to people, volunteer, and give my testimony because no matter what you go through you will be alright. You have to first take accountability and then you can grow. As long as you have someone in your corner to talk to and to push you through your rough patches, everything will be okay. So be mindful your premature judgment of others, you don’t know what they have been through or what they are going through. Your harsh words may be their breaking point. Your kind words may be just what they need to be encouraged.

Be mindful today, it could be you.

-Rush
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off? Says who?

So, I decided to take the week off to refocus and clear my mind of all the business mess I had swirling around. I tried to write things down to shift it from keeping me awake at night but that wasn’t working, I figured I must need a break.

As an entrepreneur it is hard to not think of work or how you can make this thing or that thing better. Oftentimes some grand idea pops into you head and you want to execute it before it seeps into those corners of your mind where you forget stuff.. Oh, that’s just me?. Oops.

No matter how hard I tried to fill my schedule this week with other things outside of working and promoting my business, something would always creep up or I would find myself checking Facebook or God forbid Twitter. I get sucked into Twitter because I get so much motivation from my followers that it usually inspires me to tweet encouraging words myself.

I must also admit that I made a few calls to check on my clients. A break is never a break when you are in it to help someone other than yourself.

Please do not think that everything is peaches and cream for me because it isn’t. I struggle just like you, as a mother, as a wife, and as a businesswoman. Trying to juggle tasks is somewhat of a boost for me but that is not to say I do not get overwhelmed or take on more than I should have. It happens a lot. Even now, it is 3:10 a.m. and here I am blogging instead of sleeping.

I always tell my clients that it is so important to be organized and it is. It makes your business and your life in general run more smoothly. But my goodness, if I do not start taking my own advice I am going to be a lost cause.

I attempted to hire a coach but I am not so sure that is in the works for me right now. I have been pounding my brain trying to figure out how I am going to pay her because she is awesome, just one phone conversation with her gave me so much clarity. But when you run a business and people owe you money it can get financially tight. Credit cards are maxed out and my business is all of the finance I get. I have to call her tomorrow and let her know and oh how I do not want to. Do you want to do it for me?

Even in my over extensions and lack of organization God still finds me worthy to bless me though. I managed to get a new client tonight. He messaged me via Facebook. Its just a consult right now but I love helping out and we will see where it goes from there.

Although I am exhausted I have no intentions on stopping anytime soon. I always wanted to touch peoples lives and here I am. Its not where I want to be right now but I can see it coming and I am doing what I have always wanted to do. I am really living my dreams! I can feel it even. Keep pushing and believe in yourself and everything will work out for your good.

Stay prayed up my loves.

-Rush