Who thought of this!

I am pretty flexible in my homeschooling agenda, I am sure you all know that. But in this, my third trimester of Rush number 11, I find that I have limited amounts of wanting to adult, or mommy, or well, anything that involves me getting out of the bed. But oh have I finally mastered a method that not only I love but my children do as well.

All of these resources, literally hundreds, that I have meticulously collected and taken the time to organized and strategize. The implementations and tedious goals; Worthless for the rest of the year because this, this I love!

What is it you say? Well, I’m glad you asked.

Unschooling.

Now I know I have already spoke about utilizing this method some days but now, NOW I feel like I was doing it all wrong because honey my children are taking flight in this learning thing. My children are well above their traditional grade levels and they loving every moment of it.

It is so simple and the children easily grasp it. Not only that, they look forward to it and so do I. The time goes by so fast when using this method because we all enjoy it.

Y’all! Mind BLOWN! πŸ’₯

iRush

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It’s the time.

This morning was spent with my girls. We sat on my bed eating Doritos, drinking Cheerwine soda and watching Maid In Manhattan. Our hairs were in a beatiful morning disarray as we were all in our pajamas; they climbed up on me getting comfortable and it was quiet. It was peaceful. It was love. I looked down at my babies and I just smiled.
We push so hard to give our children all the things that we never had, to live a life we never did. We strive to be the best providers we can be. Tilling the grounds and pulling the weeds making sure no rock of prosperity is left unturned. We work day and night losing sleep and not taking care of our bodies for the betterment of our families. We lose ourselves in the translation of happiness. We find ourselves pitifully unhappy with failure and it eats at us yet it feeds on us. It sits and festures until it reaches the pit of our souls and sours us to the bones.
We have to take a moment and look. Look around. Look at your babies. Look at your life.
Do I want the best for my family? Absolutely. Financial prosperity and stability is essential but it is not primary. We had something that was more important than money. We had time.
In all your getting, don’t forget to spend time with family. Its priceless and its irreplaceable.

i

Rush

(This blog is old to me but new to you)

Let it go

Sometimes we must be reminded that the only one with our best interest in mind is ourselves. As long as I have been blogging I have always danced around issues that were near and dear to me because of the people that read my blogs. I am usually an open book but some of the people around me are not and I respect that. I am no fiction writer so to change names just to tell a true story or statement would never sit right with me. Well, I am happy to announce that that will no longer be the case. My life was recently turned completely upside down but what I didn’t know is it was just what I needed to make my life right side up. I am actually breathing a sigh of relief. Initially I thought it was going to be the worst thing to happen to me, my stomach was in knots and I could hardly eat. I was so stressed out that it was affecting my health, literally. At one point I thought I was going to go into labor. But alas, the release was like a ray of sunshine. I was trying so hard to hold everyone and everything together that I myself was holding on by tattered threads. There was a time I was placed on an antidepressant because the tension was too much. That was over a year ago, I stopped taking them because my husband said they made me a different person and I zoned everyone and everything out. Since then I have been trying to cope. Smiling while crying inside, laughing like my migraines weren’t killing me, and being a ray of sunshine while I couldn’t see my way through my own darkness. Even though I had my husband loving me through it all and praying with and for me; and I have my children to make me laugh and smile, anger followed me while confusion was the start of my day. Why me? What did I ever do to always have my name spewed out of the mouth of people who secretly hated me so much? Not once did I realize that the very people who surrounded me lay wait for my demise and failure. But why? When did I go from this loved person to one that was hated so much that I began to question my own existence and purpose? I was walking in a very dark place tripping over every fallen limb in the forest of deception. All while evil spirits swarmed around me laughing and poking, taunting and teasing. Tears fell from my eyes so much that I half the time didn’t realize I was crying until someone was staring. What in the world makes people act this way, treat loved ones this way? But you know what? Hindsight is absolutely 20\20 because I see it now. It was there all along but I just never connected the pieces, I never thought I would have to. Excusing every motive and action as a random act of lashing out while being the fall guy for someone else’s intentions, but it was really me all along. It was little glimpses of anger showing that they could not hold in. While I still cannot figure out for the life of me why, I now realize not only do I not need to, I don’t want to either. Spending my precious time trying to figure out why someone is filled with such I’ll intent is none of my business nor any of my care. I have decided to take another path, a path of happiness and success; a path of joy and prosperity. Why should I allow you to take up so much time, energy, and space in my life when you have contributed nothing to who and what I am today. So I would like to take this time to say Good bye. Good bye to all my mistakes you like to hold over my head. Good bye to the times you came to watch and wait for me to fail. Good bye to the negative words you said. Good bye to your ill will and harmful intentions. Good bye to your list of my failures. Good bye to you. I release you from my life but I wish you well. See, even though you wish me to fail, I will prosper. Even though you await me to fall, I will stand. Even though you hate me now, I will always love you but you are not welcome here. You have allowed your anger to consume you and though it is contagious I will not allow it to contaminate me. So this is goodbye. It is bitter yet sweet and everything I need. I

let it go.

  1. iRush

    This is a blog (from an old site) I blogged two years ago. The eeriness of how relatable this is today, tell me that someone needs to read it. Enjoy.

Step 2

Surround yourself in love.

I know many have read my blog a couple weeks back↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ https://justaskmaia.com/2018/09/20/then-there-was-the-protective-services/

The process has been grueling to say the least. Never in all of my life would I ever think that the government would be in my business. I have sought to do everything right, from my heart, for the happiness and well being of my children. Veganism, homeschooling, always being open and honest with them and of course, protecting them at every turn.

The thought of being separated even for a moment in time, is the most heart wrenching, agonizing, most nauseous feeling that I never want to encounter ever EVER again.

This process cannot be over quick enough.

I awake every morning not knowing who or what will happen. Anyone who knows me knows I do not like surprises, especially ones I probably will not like.

When lies of a person snatch your soul, what more can you do but cry.

My family often questions my religious stance.

I don’t have one. I left religion a long time ago. It just took my physical awhile to follow. But what I do know is this, and this came to me through another morning of waking in tears;

When I need a moment to cry or grieve,
you will find me beneath the flowing trees.
The peace of mind the leaves remind me,
that no trial is too hard that Elohim will not guide me.

Focus on light when darkness is present.
THAT is the only way you will ever get it [life].

iRush

Homeschooling DESE chirren? BRUH!

Today was one of those homeschooling days where you just want to throw the whole process away.

A few years ago you would hear me shame such thinking of negativity as I would force you to find a moment and whoosa… Not TuhDay!

“Biz, what is 2 plus 2? Counts on fingers for 37 and a half seconds. “7”

🀦🏾😭

Please tell me why math is the one thing that generally boils our nerves?

Its okay. The best part of homeschooling is having the ability to shut down and try again. Oh how I love the flexibility of ‘I am not doing this with you today’.

And while we are talking about homeschool frustrations, I would like to add that I am no longer going to be a willing participant in Rush Academy’s Technology Tuesday’s. Nope. My patience is not cut out for that. The technical difficulties they kept having due to user errors had me about to walk off the job! I don’t get paid enough for this!

Wait… πŸ€”

iRush

The mental stability of a homeschooling mom

Homeschooling is wonderfully beneficial. Not only to your children but to your family and life its self. The flexibility is a tremendous plus. More importantly than that is the ability to see your children flourish and grow right before your eyes. The time you get to spend with them is additionally amazing.

Some of you may say, I can see them grow and flourish while they are at school as well. One of the debates I often get is, it gives us something to talk about at the dinner table. My rebuttal is, imagine all of the things they left out. And sure, you can talk about it, but to see it is even better.

Now, I am not here to badger you or make you feel guilty about homeschooling because I have my days where I just get to the point that I do not want to do this anymore. Those we call teacher planning days. πŸ˜‰

I am here to be honest with you and I am definitely not looking through rose colored glasses. Like any other day of being a parent, you get tired. This is why I am going to discuss the importance of taking care of your me real self.

Theses tips are not exclusive to homeschooling parents so feel free to take notes either way.

1. Get a good friend. This is important for some that it not be a family member or friend who is,already on the fence, or even against homeschooling. You need to be able to laugh, chat, cry and vent without the preconceived notion and attitude of “I told you so”. This friend needs to be able to listen without interruption or judgement in addition to ‘closing out’ with positive words and energy of encouragement.

2. Get out. I know for me, being a mom, homeschooler, plus run my business from home, life can often feel like I am on house arrest. McRush bought me a small car so I can periodically ride out to my ratchet music without worries of getting the radio edit version.

3. Grab a book and go outside. I am all about nature. I kick my shoes of and walk barefoot in the grass to release tension and stress. I also like to lay out in the sun and get re-energized. Take a book, find your spot, and relax.

4. Go for a walk alone. Sometimes you need some one on one with yourself to just clear your mind and breathe in some clean air. Its a great way to get in a little exercise too.

5. Take a nap. Sometimes we really just need a break and a nap is just what the doctor ordered. Relieve yourself from thinking for awhile. Turn on some soothing music and doze off.

For me, some days I need a couple of these remedies! Take it easy on yourself and remove your cape because Super Moms need energy to be great!

iRush

Homeschooling Business Owner

Many who know me will attest to my abhorrence of being labeled a mompreneur. I really have no ‘legitimate’ reason besides I have never been one to jump on the bandwagon, so while this word was making and empowering movement for women across America, I did everything I could to avoid being labeled as such.

I suppose its the Leo in me when I say, “Give me all my labels please”. I work hard for all my titles, and that is not to belittle anyone who chooses to use it, for me, it’s just so condensing.

That’s not what I want to talk about. I want to discuss running a business while homeschooling. Recently, I blogged about homeschooling in 20 minutes a day. I will be honest, some days this will not work. Its all in the planning for the most part. Now if you follow my blogs you already know that planning is NOT my strong suit but I am working on it. I plan in my head and act, but I promise, I will do better starting October 1st. <——- We’ll discuss this importance later.

Some have asked how I manage to juggle running my businesses and homeschooling the RushBunch. Simple. I work when they work. Just like in school, they should have independent time, this is also my time to focus on the important tasks that need my undivided attention. You start with these tasks first and get them out of the way. After that, the other tasks should be okay with interruptions, because you will surely get them. In addition, if your children are old enough, give them some business stuff to do. For my 4 years old she will do stuff like sort papers or put documents in sheet protectors. Be sure to give age-appropriate tasks as to not have to double back and correct or have to redo the tasks. The best part about this is children love to help and feeling needed makes them feel all the more special. Remember to give hugs, kisses, and thank yous.

At the end of the day, school is complete and so are things on your business to do list.

*Level #Supermom status

iRush

Stand in your truth, its all you have.

Most people will not tell you that they had a run in with cps. I am not most people.

What I believe is that we all go through circumstances that not only mold us into the person we are going to be, but also to share our experiences for the strength and encouragement of one another. In addition, there is a lesson to learn and pass on.

I do not believe that in my 17 years of minding my business, generously helping others, and being an advocate of no abuse/healthy living/homeschooling I am faced with something I do not care for, outsiders in my personal business. Because, while I am a always an open book and transparency is my thing, I do not like people prodding and looking for a problem that does not exist.

If you have been reading my blogs, thank you. You know that I recently sent my niece, whom I have been raising and loving since she was a baby, to stay with my mother. From the moment we went to pick her up we gave her nothing short of what we have given our other children and that is unconditional love. It is my assumption that because we sent her to another state she decided, possibly out of anger, to create stories of what goes on in our home.

I cannot describe the emotions I have. It is cumbersome. I literally cannot stop crying about it.

Although I know I have nothing to hide, it still makes my stomach knot up.

Just to keep you abreast, the case is open for 45 days but I will do everything in my power to speed it along.

In the meantime, its Tuesday and for the RushBunch, that means Technology Tuesday. I have shared with you how this goes, so read up! 😁

For me, that means I get to clean while they are in class! YAAAAAAY! ←insert sarcasm.

Happy teaching!

iRush

Is my living in vain?

In the midst of this dark cloud lingering over my head, I am forced to work through tears shed.

No matter what I am doing, in the blink of an eye, I will find myself crying. I snickered to myself appreciating the fact that I do not wear make up. What a waste it would be right now.

Funny, no matter what we go through as parents we still must be sure our children are living their best life. For me that is forcing a smile with uncertainties lingering like a lone cloud on a sunny day.

Isn’t it ironic how we do so many good deeds and it feels, sometimes, as though they measure up to nothing? I remember when I was a young girl, my mom told be to be sure that my good far outweighed my bad. I literally live by that staple. Yet, I now find myself perplexed as to why.

Why then, do I still endure such unbelievable pain? Why is it life seems a constant test? When the heck is the exam so I can pass already!

I don’t know everything there is to know about life, but I do know this, its yours to live. Choose happiness and pass it on.

I’ll tell you what. When my daughter passed away I no longer took each moment I had with my children for granted. Not that I ever did but every breath seems even more previous to me. That is part of my reason for homeschooling. I always say that God has given me a charge (or 10) and I take that charge very seriously. These are little people who will soon try to find their own place in the world. It is my job to assist them as much, and as early, as possible.

Does my heart hurt every morning? Absolutely.

Do I have butterflies since this incident. Always.

But it will not stop my unwavering love and care. I push through, as we all do.

Am I always going to get it right? Nope.

Is my living in vain. Of course not.

Then there was Child Protective Services….

I have never in my life contemplated suicide. Not on a serious level. Maybe when I was a teenager and didn’t get my way.

On Tuesday September the fourth my entire world shook from one phone call and on the account of one person.

After two failed marriages I gave up on the thought that love would find me, you know the type that smiles at you in the morning and kisses you on your forehead. The kind that knows all of your deepest darkest secrets and all of your lives mishaps but still loves you like their world revolves around you. I wasn’t even looking for it yet stumbled upon it without even knowing it.

It was when my second marriage was dwindling down and after the loss of my only daughter at the time.

I was in church and my then husband was being ordained as a deacon. I sat there as a proud wife but inside I was so angry because it was a scam, to me. I knew that be was not going to hold up his end of the commitment. He couldn’t even stay commuted to me, just one person. How was he going to commit to an entire organization? It was all a ploy to make me feel like he was trying so I played along like I had so many times and situations before.

After service, everyone was in their bunches meeting and laughing. Being new to this particular location, but not the organization as a whole, I didn’t know much about the people but I was is the South and I hear they are pretty nice. I walk up to a couple of people and introduce myself, make small talk, and move on. I came to a woman I had met prior. Very pretty lady. She was always kind to me and didn’t hesitate to greet me with a big smile. Genuine and welcoming, her eyes glisten as if she were proud of me, although I didn’t know her very well. I approach and was welcomed with open arms. She hugged me like a protector, I liked that. We spoke for a few when this tall kinky man walked up. His stature lean and serious. His glasses slightly hang from his nose. He was dressed in a suit that looked like it had been in the back of the closet awaiting a special occasion. His skin was the most beautiful brown I had ever seen. The woman introduced him as her son but I had never seen him before. He smiled at me and looked straight in my eyes. Locked, only momentarily. He was handsome. Skinny, but handsome.

This was in Sunday, April 12.

In June I had suffered a miscarriage. I was not too far along but I had to give birth at the hospital. I awoke covered in blood and panicked. I called my husband who had finally gotten a job at a fast food restaurant and told him I had to go to the hospital. He asked me, β€œWhat do you want me to do about it? I’m at work.” I hung up the phone and called my pastor then drove myself to the hospital. He eventually showed up relieving my pastor of my bedside.

By August I was throwing him out for his infidelities and dishonesty. This had been two years of stress of being the woman on the side yet having the title of β€˜wife’. He stalked the house for a few days. Pacing the grounds and continuously calling my phone. Eventually he left and I didn’t hear from him.

In the fall I got a phone call that the woman from church was in the hospital and it wasn’t looking good. I drove a couple towns over to visit. I was greeted at the front desk by her daughter and the tall dark handsome son. While we boarded the elevator, she explained to me what was going on and although it did not look good, she was hopeful. There was a moment of silence and I noticed the son staring at me. I jokingly asked his sister why he was staring at me like that and she laughed and said she didn’t know. He later revealed to me, in private, that he was staring at me because God told him I was going to be his wife. He went on to say that he didn’t know how this was so because I was married. This he knew for sure because he met my husband on the date of his ordainment. I laughed and told him that we were separated and I was doing for divorce. He smiled so bright that it illuminated the room, I’m sure.

We have been inseparable every since. Although prior to my divorce finalization he insisted I remain true to my vows of the marriage.

10 children and one on the way, I am now faced with losing the best love I have ever known in my entire life.

Two years after we got married, my sister in law called me and asked if I could come to Florida to get their daughter because my brother was locked up and she could not handle a baby on her own. With my husbands hesitation, we obliged.

This was June 2012.

The baby, we eventually started calling Tiffani, was 7 months at the time. A difficult child indeed. She screamed all through the night and sat solemnly during the day. A few months in, she acclimated herself to the house and children. We had to take my brother and sister in law to court to get custody because they refused to give us paperwork for her and the refused to come get her. It out us in a jam to where only one of us could work because we could not put her in daycare. I worked because my job paid more. Then He found work and I stayed home. We alternated like this for a few years until we had proper documentation to treat her as we would our own.

This court process took a toll on my relationships with my brothers and sister but mostly my mother. We were always close but my mom has this soft spot for her boys and it just got really bad really fast. Over the years we have been able to mend it a little but I am sure the pain is still there for her because it is for me. My brother’s and I’s relationships are beyond repair and my sister and I just don’t talk about it. It was something I would not wish on anyone. Ever.

Tiffani always was somewhat of a loner. She liked to play by herself. Most times I would encourage her to interact with the rest of the bunch but it was usually short lived. As she grew older she became more and more obstinate and defiant. Sneaky and malicious. I swear it is in her genes. I was positive I could love it out of her though. As young as she was, the older she got, the less I was confident in this gesture.

One day, recently, she did something shocking and didn’t know what to do. I gave us space. Over the next 2 week’s she continued her path of disobedience and blatant disrespect. I made arrangements for her to leave my house. It was on of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. My heart is broken.

No matter how hard headed she would be and no matter how much she lied and snuck around, I promised I would never leave her feeling unwanted. I did not want it to be a pattern in her life.

But I had given her all of me. I had cried some days on my husbands chest because even though I knew I couldn’t, I wanted to heal her. He would tell me all the reasons why I couldn’t but I refused to listen. I just kept fighting. But that incident was something I could not see past atop of the insubordination she had been giving me for weeks prior.

I decided to send her to my mother. She has been there days shy of a month.

I get a call from my mom telling me that she took her to the clinic and they called CPS. (I had lost my cool and beat her butt before.)

Now, all the way in California, I am still connected to her but now in the worst way possible.

I have been crying for hours. My pregnant stomach in knots.

And all I can think about is my children.

Tiffani’s mom has lost a total of seven of her children, or all. She refused to do what cps said to do in order to get them back. I know this for sure because I have her brother placed with me as well. I never understood why she couldn’t just do what they said. I would. Now I may be faced with the opportunity.

I want to throw up. I want to die. These children are my life and I love nothing more than I love my family. I have finally found someone who felt I was worthy to be faithful to. To be honest with. To build and grow with. I am at a lost for words. My heart is so heavy.

Since I am the only one in question I will leave to be sure my babies are safe with their father. But where will I go? The shame I feel and the fear is indescribable. My husband, I know, will fight to keep this family together. But I will die if someone says they will separate my children.

What do you do when everything you have lived for and everything you have built can be stripped away in the blink of an eye?

-Rush