Stepping back

You would never have convinced me that I would be here today. Never in a million years.
I was on the fast track to being a lawyer. I was a beast! I was attending school full-time year round and managed to juggle two jobs at the same time plus I managed to maintain a B average. I was focused and diligent. My home was immaculate due to my slight, okay overbearing OCD. I even managed to go out every now and again.

Now look at me, Married, 10 children, and successful business owner. People would think I was living the life, yet I have days of inadequacies when I fall short of feeling great. Truth is, I have those days more often than not. The days where I want to just quit.
Being a mother is something I never foresaw for myself let alone 10 children. I never would have thought I would be married. I always figured it wasn’t in the cards for me, seeing as I was going from one jerk to another.
Yet here I am.

What is the point of this blog?
This blog is for all the people who feel like I am some type of super mom because I homeschool 10 children while maintaining my home and successful business, but the truth is, I get burned out. I want to scream sometimes. And there are many days that I go without just to get it all done. But I get tired too.

For those that do not regularly follow my blog, two of my blessings are not mine biologically and that has sometimes taken a toll on my life because of the unwanted input and opinions placed on me and McRush, I swear some days I just want to change my number and block everyone I know. It’s hard enough raising children but to have the constant selfish interference can take its toll on even the strongest of moms.

After the death of my daughter and still-born experience of my son, I just want to be left alone most of the time. No one seems to get that. I am forced to put on an extrovert face when all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read a book and close myself off from the world.

Is that selfish? Probably, but I have spent all of my life being selfless to people who could care less about me. Smiling and giving. Now, I have nothing left to give to myself.

I am very grateful for each and every one of my babies, both birthed or blessed my handsome husband McRush, and my business where I get to help people live out the life they always wanted. But for right now, I think I need a vacation.


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What is your happiness moms?

So I have been pushing through some issues in life and sometimes it is hard to see clearly when you are a mom. That is not to take anything from you fathers out there but like I tell McRush all the time, I can only speak from the perspective of a mom and wife.

There is always someone who wants to pass you some advice that’s common sense but really not logical like, “take a nap when the children take a nap”. This of course going off the assumption that you can get all of your children down for a nap simultaneously. In addition, while this may seem a good idea, most moms know that this is the most opportune time to actually get some work done without the children in the way calling you for everything.

Another one I find hilarious is, “you have to take time out in the day for yourself”. My response,and the response of many moms is, I can’t even pee in peace. Where exactly is that time located because I have been looking.

I watched Red Table today and heard something profound. Something I have always known to be true and even experience but it was put into words. It’s the assumption that I am doing a great job because I maintain my family and every one around me is doing well as a result of my encouragement and tenacity to be there for them. But no one, not even me, considers me.

I found myself questioning why I am. And while that may sound borderline suicidal, I assure you it is anything but. My inward emotions in no way reflect my outward appearance. I have everything I could ever want. Even under the presence of the full moon there is nothing I can ask for to make my life better. Inwardly, however, I feel like something is missing. It’s crazy because I am doing exactly why I love to as far as business and my family is picture perfect.

What is it then? I have lost myself. There are questions I can ask myself and not know the answers.

What do you like to do for fun?

What is your favorite color?

What makes you happy?

What makes you laugh from your soul?

So, that is my new quest, to make myself as happy as I make the people around me. Its going to be a bumpy ride but I have my seatbelt on. 😉

What is your happiness?


Pineapples. Nasty Sex. Uncle.

Some people wonder how I manage to get it all done in a day. I am often called supermom or superwoman. I am neither of these things. I am just an everyday woman trying to live my best life now.
With 10 children and a business, I definitely have my days and at 11:04 p.m. its hardly began to end.
The post topic is keywords I have used or set to use when I am at my wit’s end. Today I need all three. Today started out rough. I woke up late. I didn’t get to do the things around the house that I wanted to do and I was rushed which means I forgot to pack a few things for our trip to the beach, which was amazing by the way.
I am a part of this awesome stay at home mom group where the women look and think and struggle just like me. It is a beautiful feeling to connect with such beautiful kindred souls.
However, I am sure I do not have to tell you how stressful a day at the beach is with 10 children and daddy couldn’t make it. Constant counting, chastising, searching, and the famous interruptions. But in between those moments, I was able to talk on an adult level.
Packing up…not so fun. The drive home…even worse. everyone in the car fell asleep including me a couple times. But we made it safely.
I stopped by the grocery store to pick up veggies for dinner and came home to cook for everyone except me, because I am now Raw Vegan, that in itself can be stressful. I made a salad for myself and waited until McRush was finished putting my radiator in so we can eat together. He didn’t finish until almost 10:30 and by then I was exhausted from cooking, bathing, cleaning, singing, fussing, and feeding #10.
Unbeknownst to McRush that I was waiting on him, he came in and started eating… without me. I am so tired and flustered that I have a migraine and, after I blog, I still have to do some client work.
Being a mom is hard. You want to remain soft and gentle yet firm and strong, the attempt to balance is stressful.
I oftentimes feel bad (and so I don’t) mentioning these woes to McRush because he empathizes with me but I wonder if he gets it. He gets it enough to step in and had I asked, he would have but then my car wouldn’t be fixed.
BTW, I no longer want my salad.


The pause.

So this week has been pretty hectic, If I calculate properly, it’s been hectic these past few weeks. In the midst, I had so many great things to blog about. I would pre-process it in my head how I was going to start off, the fluff in the middle, and the spectacular ending.  At this moment that I had to take a pause in the craziness of it all, I forgot. Every single detail, gone. Just like mommy brain. So many great ideas to implement and when you get the time, crickets, every dang time.

Although I am slightly saddened my this mush memory of mine, I love blogging so I decided to free flow like I usually do.

Let’s start with the bad decisions I made.

I threw out my last pair of contacts (from my eyes). As I dropped them in the toilet ( I found that this is best so #9 doesn’t try to eat them) I can literally see me doing it in slow motion as I realized a second too late that I did not have another pair to replace them. So now I am forced to wear these bottle cap glasses until I find time to get a new prescription. The plus side to this is I have noticed Oprah has been wearing her thickumms glasses so I am just going to go with it as if she inspired me to do so too. Embrace your blindness honey!

This next one is a pro and a con.

I overpaid my credit cards. The good in this is, well, I overpaid my credit cards. The not so good is, I could have used that money to go shopping. I know you may be thinking, just use your cards to go shopping but that’s counterproductive to the goal of eliminating debt.

A good thing that happened is I was asked to speak at the College of Charleston. It was kind of last minute so I was a little nervous and felt ill-prepared. The most nerve-wracking part was, I was talking to a bunch of teenagers. Now, I can talk business with adults all day long but teenagers always give you this look like ‘ I really don’t want to be here, listen to you, or care what you have to say’. I must admit, it’s a little intimidating but in the end, they were going with the flow and I felt less like I had to pull teeth or interact with myself.

I hosted a Stay at home mom event at my home. Those who know me are aware that I do not host at my home but I am stepping out of my comfort zone and I am glad I did. I had a wonderful time and was able to interact with families which is always awesome.

Family wins.

I bought six school desks for $5 a piece and they are pristine condition. My babies leveled up this week in their academics.  We scored more books for our home library. #1 got his drivers license (I don’t know how excited I am about this one). #8 is very close to being potty trained. And McRush is going back to school. And I have decided to slowly pick law back up, and I do mean slow. Like one class a semester, cash. Remember the eliminating debt mentioned above.

That’s just some of what has been going on in the Rush house.

What’s going on in your neck of the woods?

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Homeschooling 101

Because it is our most requested blog…


So you want to homeschool.

I often get many questions and blessings about homeschooling. It is usually followed up by statements like, “I wish I could homeschool but I don’t know where to start.” or “I don’t have the time.” Well I am here to bust both of those questions and many more in this blog to help you get started.

First, in case you do not know, I am a Business owner of a small consulting firm called Rush Consulting Firm. This business is my pride and joy. It is one I built from the ground up and am able to work anytime and anywhere. With that being said, though my schedule is very flexible, it is still a very demanding position as I wear many hats within the company. So while I can bend my schedule like some of you may not be able to, that also means…

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Seeing Black Panther was the WORST

I had this awesome idea to take the RushBunch to the drive-in movies to see the biggest movie of the year, Black Panther. I have been hearing so much about it and undoubtedly was strongly considering taking part in cosplay with the tiny people.

Weeks have gone by and I was still unable to clear my schedule to go. Then I thought about it, what are the odds we will get seats together as a family and how much will this run us. Perhaps wait until it comes out on DVD? I did not want to wait another day though! Everyone is raving about this phenomenal movie and I want to see, for myself, if it is worth all the hype.

Well, today we drove almost two hours to the nearest drive-in. But before McRush and I did this, I went to the local dollar store and racked up on snacks. While we do not take part in easter, all of those goodies came in handy for our trip. I also found some huge egg-shaped containers with lids that I could put the stuff in. How cool is that?

It would have been cooler if I did not have to utilize a good part of the drive to put the goodies together but they came out lovely so I didn’t mind so much.

We get to the movies and it’s too cold outside for them to sit as we’d anticipated. so now they have to stay in the car. For those that don’t know, we drive a Ford Transit which is pretty much the only decent looking vehicle that holds my family comfortably. Although roomy indeed, it is not ideal for the drive in.

Just think bus.

McRush turns the vehicle sideways so the children can look out the side windows and not be squeezed by me and on my lap in the front seat like they were. Okay, now I can get a little more comfortable.

Well as soon as the movie starts every child in the car, outside of #1 and #2, were asking me to open their candy and popcorn and juice. #9 needed a diaper change and guess who got to do that? Then I had to fumble through the dark car to make #10 a bottle. Then they started debating and talking through the movie. And, remember McRush turned the vehicle sideways? Well, my seats don’t swivel so I had to catch what bits of the movie I could with my head turned to the side so now my neck hurts.

Needless to say, I did not get to fully enjoy the movie but what I did see I loved. It was action packed and twists and turns at every scene. What I thought would happen didn’t and I am very good at predicting scenes and endings, and this I never saw coming…. any of it.

I will be going to see this again within the next couple of days either alone or with McRush not just because my great family idea turned out to only be a great idea for them to enjoy and not me, very common by the way, but because it is just that good.

Black Panther had me smiling from my soul, and I felt very very proud and I cannot even explain why.



Under my bed?

So the other day I posted a picture of me stealing a moment in our truck eating pretzels.

In a matter of 5 minutes the RushBunch not only found me but bombarded my space. So there I was, sharing my pretzels.

Prior to the hideout in the truck it was my closet. Before the closet, the bathtub. Before that the downstairs bathroom. Is there no place these tiny human will seek me out?

They started out invading my body, I did not know that having children that it meant an all inclusive invasion of my life.

Running a business and homeschooling is a rather tiring feat on some days, today being one of them. But I would not change it for the world. I am.proud to be able to allot my children the freedom.of life as it should be even though instead of exploring they are under me.

I am at lost of hiding spaces but I guess I could share.


Thanks for the memories FaceBook.

Facebook gets annoying with its algorithm and lack of proper refreshing of the page. Lately, I have been having to go to my personal page to see any updates on my posts because my notifications are all out of sequence. You have people friend requesting you that should clearly be spam pages and from some, I hear people are being systematically unfriended. Whats up with that? To add fuel to the fire, they are cutting back promotions.

Now that we have all of that negativity out of the way. Facebook has this awesome memory feature that populates what you posted on that day a year or more back. I love that feature because it shows growth in both thought and writing. It’s fun to see where I was mentally back in the day. unfortunately for me, I have only had facebook for a few years so my growth tracking is minimal. But I did get to see this awesome blog that I blogged four years ago and I wanted to share it with you.

‘I turned in my letter of resignation today. It is time to take my own words to heart and stop holding on because of fear. I thought that because I was pursuing my dreams of being an entrepreneur and working my 9-5 was okay as long as I kept my determination and focus. But I was only kidding myself. How can I fully be true to my greatness if a piece of me was being dedicated to someone else’s goals? How can I say stay focused if a large portion of my day was consumed with a job that has nothing to do with the path I desired to walk?

I was a hypocrite. Bottom line.

I find myself on many nights working into the wee hours of the morning typing, scripting, marketing, building my own dreams because from 7:30 in the morning until 4:30 in the afternoon my focus was on building the dreams of my employer. I was pushing for myself but I wasn’t giving 100% so I cheated myself out of 40 hours a week. I was getting the short end of the stick. I believed I was worth it but did I really?

I am telling you this because, as I stated in an earlier blog, I write to inspire you and in inspiring you I was inspiring myself. So here I stand, inspired. Determined. Relieved. Excited. Nervous. READY.
People refuse to jump for fear of failure. You won’t jump for yourself but you put your trust and security in the power of someone else’s hands because THEY won’t fail you? We have to believe that we are meant to be amazing. So BE AMAZING.

When is the last time you trusted, and I mean really trust yourself? When is the last time you gave yourself the push you know you needed and just went for it, from your soul?
We have a tendency to blame others for our failures but when will you begin to take control of your own life and accept the destiny that you know you deserve.

Look around, is that all you want? For the rest of your life?

We have to begin doing the things that are for our betterment and happiness. Stop allowing consequences to change our path to prosperity. We have to learn to trust our instincts and stop second-guessing ourselves. We have to start believing in what we set out to do. Know that with or without the support we WILL prosper. You will stand on higher ground and take a look in the mirror and smile saying to yourself “I made it.”

Trust that you can. Believe that you will. And you shall prosper.’

I thought this was dope and hella honest so I wanted to share..


Twitter handle is @Rush_consulting

Chaotic organization

Another super late night. I woke up with a headache and children calling my name. One of these days I am going to stop believing I am still a teenager and can hang out all night with my husband watching movies and giggling. Its crazy how I continue to repeat the same process. Insanity I suppose.

That’s the best part about homeschooling and running your own business.

The worst part about homeschooling and running your own business?

Another super late night. I woke up with a headache and children calling my name. One of these days I am.going to stop believing I am still a teenager and can hang out all night with my husband watching movies and giggling. Its crazy how I continue to repeat the same process. Insanity I suppose.

Yes. That my friends is what you call a two edge sword. The ying and yang.

Perhaps I love the insanity of it all because I haven’t changed the cycle.

Some would think that having 10 children running around all day calling you for every little thing would be crazy. And as.much as I have my moments I would probably be bored with just 2 or 3 children. I think it’s because I am a city girl at heart. When I was back home, in Philadelphia, I can’t think of a time that I only had 1 job. I do remember having just 2 but I was also a full time college student too. I long for the hustle and bustle. I was made for this.

I should probably have a more strict schedule but for right now the children have run-through-house-driving-each-other-crazy time and down time. Believe it or not, that’s it.

Down time is when I am working and they are schooling. Everything else, do what you like.

We unschool and it is very beneficial to our home. Next year I will begin to implement schedules for the purpose of self discipline and preparation for “the real world”.


Rude or nah

I have come to the conclusion that I may be raising what society may deem, rude children.

Oftentimes I blogged about how we raise our children and there will always be that question with their nose turned up, ‘why?’.

Why do I not allow my children to apologize or say they are sorry.

Why do I allow my children not to speak back when spoken to.

Why don’t they say God bless you when someone sneezes.

Why don’t they say grace before eating.

These along with a multitude of other non conventional methods like,

Why don’t I help my children up when they fall or why each child has to ask for something even if someone (or everyone) else has it.

Some say I raise them rudely but I say self sufficiently. When you expect too much you get your feelings hurt.