Trying something new

So, I am going to try to speak to text. I am currently working on some success work for this new membership coming up on rush consulting fine. I am also trying to type up some lesson plans as well as print out some school work for Bella and Isaiah. While I am sitting on my bed trying to drink this water..I have a ton of things going on right now and I really am trying to be disciplined in blogging so here I am talking it out and of course I’m going to have to go back and put in the proper punctuations but this is what you get for right now. I do not have much to check in with. I have been extremely busy with the becoming habitual sessions that start June 1st. I am still trying to get the children to get their work done for the last bit of this school year so that I can give them exit exams. Bella wants to do dual enrollment for college and high school classes? So we are also trying to prepare for that? In addition to her business that she started, we are trying to get that up and legitimize. We are also in the process of hiring 2 new people at the firm, and we are training McRush on some more technical details so that we can. Extend our reach in the technical world. If that’s not enough, we are also slowly transitioning to minimizing a lot of stuff in the house so that we can make the. Move that we’ve been longing to make for years. We finally found a house that is definitely huge enough for us, if not more, but there is so much that we need as far as space for running additional. Portions of the business. That includes the print shop as well, so there’s a lot going on in a little bit of time. I’m trying to take it all in mama needs a vacation. I’m tired. I am in class, I am prepping class, I am learning, I am reading, I sleepy. On the plus side my children are healthy. We did get a letter stating that our insurance would be cut off because we no longer meet certain criteria or whatever the case may be, so I need to call them. And see what’s going on with that because it took us years to be convinced that we need to get insurance and not pay out of pocket, and it’s been slightly easier as the children get older especially the boys because they tend to hurt themselves more often which means we go to the emergency room more often so we. Definitely need the insurance like we didn’t think that we did, so I have to also deal with that. In addition, my brother is seeking custody of Charles, which you all know is my nephew whom I’m had since birth. But I’m perfectly fine with that. He’s older, and my brother got himself together. I haven’t a problem with that. The problem is that the courts want to give us the run around, so we can’t seem to get a proper court date to get this all situated and done. I would hope that we can get this done by the end of the year so I will no longer be known as a dozen and a cousin it will just be my dozen, and that’s fine.

Alright. Let me get back to work. Love ya 😘

I’m tired of me

I need to get life together. We took pictures, with all my children in it. Girl, ewww. And im.nit saying eww because of what I think people will say. I’m saying ew because, just NO. So today is my [new] start. I eat pretty healthy, but my exercise regime is subpar, and I have got to do better. πŸ€¦πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

I still have confidence, but confidence is also knowing where you need to do better at, with love. I learned a long time ago that I can not beat myself into submission. The best way to get the results you want for yourself is to do it with grace, discipline, and love. I didn’t get where I overnight, so I surely will not snatch back overnight. Le sigh. πŸ₯± Realistically, I need to lose 100 pounds, but I’m going to aim for chunks if 30 at a time. As with anything in life, you have come with real goals and break those goals down into chunks. With that being said, I am aiming to lose 30 pounds by my birthday. That almost 3 months. πŸ“…

What’s crazy is I have a whole ass gym in my house. Treadmill, Bowles, aboutachime, squat machine, DB method machine, weight bench, and more. I walk past that thing every day like I’m sexy slim. 🀣 Talk about denial. πŸ€ͺ

This time, I’m for real about cutting this weight down βœ‚οΈ. Not only because I want to feel better about myself but also because I know it’s good for my health.πŸ§˜πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ

To be honest, I’m super excited. πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ So let me get off this phone and get some exercise in. πŸ’ͺ🏾

What are you up to this week? πŸ‘€

Did you know that motherhood DOES pay?

Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out because I was literally on child #9 when I realized and it was buy (misspelled intentionally to make my point) accident. 

These children will work you until your soul is tired. I know mine do. My every waking moment is dedicated to my children even if not directly but in some way shape or form it is my children who impact my decisions. Work, school, my business. And the fact that I always seem to have a baby just meant that one of the first things I do in the morning is change a diaper or make a bottle, it is also the last thing I do. Its fucking exhausting. I don’t hate it, I just want some acknowledgement in the form of cash sometimes. Its quite actually the least paying job I have ever had. The benefits are trash and the boss is an asshole who doesn’t allow time off. And when I did take a quick run for my favorite sandwich at Panera Bread, I would scan the menu to see what I could get the children. They were in my head. It was ridiculous. We go shopping for them about every three months, or quarterly, and run up credit cards from  The Children’s Place, Old Navy, and carnival shoe store. I mean LOTS of money. That’s just on the littles. And then there were the bigs who want Nike, and Champion, bags from Gucci. Its crazy. After shopping I have to sift through their clothes and shoes to see what is good enough to donate and what has to be trashed. All the while, I’m running around in mom clothes. Sweats, oversized shirts and jeans I probably should have thrown out ages ago, but luckily torn and tattered jeans are in. 

I remember when I was younger, cause I’m still young, I used to care so much about how I looked. I would spend $600 on a pair of jeans and $75 tee shirt. I was always fly, I think. At least I felt like it. I was the girl who went to dinner and the movies alone with zero cares. Where did that girl go?

And then I realized. πŸ’‘ I am the asshole boss. I managed the money and delegate trips. Why would I treat myself like this. Honey. When I woke UP! It was a complete game changer. If I decide where the money goes, why wasn’t I paying myself? The craziest part is, this is business 101 and as a business consultant I should have known better. Why did it take 9 children for this lightbulb to go off?

Now, at the time that I realized this we were not making a lot of money. Some would even wonder how we were making it. We had a mortgage, car note, car insurance on 5 cars, utilities and the expenses of my business. We won’t even get into the $2000 a month grocery bill. But I figured that shit out real quick. We don’t get “paid” to be a mom because we choose not to get paid as a mom. But girl! You better pay yourself. You will enjoy your role as mommy so much more. This whole being- a -poor -miserable -mom -so- my- children- can -be- happy is for the birds. Cause that is not the life I signed up for. I joke all the time saying God left out some parts when He asked me to play this role because ikyfl! I’m supposed to pour into tiny people who don’t care about me until they become parents! Nah. I’m going to live my best life because that’s what the universe wants for me and I accept that shit with honor. 

It all started when I went into Marshall’s to see if I could find some shoes for my second oldest. When you walk in the door of this particular Marshall, there are handbags to your immediate right. I never really noticed because you know, I was just a mom on a mission. But this day something stirred up in my spirit and was like, “sis! LOOK!” And you know my nosey ass was like “oooh Chile WHERE?!”  

Honey! When I looked over and saw those bags, I swear the angels of heaven were singing 🎢 Get you a bag. Get you a bag. Get you a bag so you can be happyyyy 🎢

I mean, that may not be the words verbatim or whatever but it was something like that. And you know, you gotta obey the angels so I sure as hell did. I sent McRush ahead with the children and shopped in peace. I was being modest at first but then I remember the angels singing and was like, nah. They would want me to have the best. So I grabbed three of the best handbags I seen. I believe there were, Steve Madden, London Fog, and Gucci. These were a step up from my $1.99 bag I got from Goodwill and I was on cloud 9!

McRush was finished with the children before I finished digging through the selections. I forgot all about them and it felt SO good. 

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship (with myself). 

From that day on I made sure I had extra cash to grab something I liked for ME. 

It’s amazing how it started with a few handbags that turned into a few outfits, some wigs, some simple makeup. That led to going to PAID events, eating meals without sharing and saying no, going out of town on solo trips OVERNIGHT! Whew chile. New me who dis? I got to the point that I bought fancy hangers, rearranged my closet, color coordinated my clothes. All the things that made me feel good. And you know what? Not one child was harmed in the makings of the new me. In fact, it was better for them too because a happier me meant a better attitude towards them. 

See. Forgetting yourself will lead to resentment. Every decision you make is out of obligation with little to no reward. I mean of course their little smiles and thank you mean something but lets be real, it ain’t much to last.  And it damn sure didn’t make me feel good. Proud, yeah but in crummy sweats? Yeah, nah. 

The moral of the story is, pay you girl. Pay you until it feels good. Start small. Get your favorite expensive coffee, take them shoes out of the online cart by paying for them. If you don’t deserve it I don’t know who does. 

Being aΒ parentΒ is hard work. Why do a job that doesn’t pay you?Β