Is my living in vain?

In the midst of this dark cloud lingering over my head, I am forced to work through tears shed.

No matter what I am doing, in the blink of an eye, I will find myself crying. I snickered to myself appreciating the fact that I do not wear make up. What a waste it would be right now.

Funny, no matter what we go through as parents we still must be sure our children are living their best life. For me that is forcing a smile with uncertainties lingering like a lone cloud on a sunny day.

Isn’t it ironic how we do so many good deeds and it feels, sometimes, as though they measure up to nothing? I remember when I was a young girl, my mom told be to be sure that my good far outweighed my bad. I literally live by that staple. Yet, I now find myself perplexed as to why.

Why then, do I still endure such unbelievable pain? Why is it life seems a constant test? When the heck is the exam so I can pass already!

I don’t know everything there is to know about life, but I do know this, its yours to live. Choose happiness and pass it on.

I’ll tell you what. When my daughter passed away I no longer took each moment I had with my children for granted. Not that I ever did but every breath seems even more previous to me. That is part of my reason for homeschooling. I always say that God has given me a charge (or 10) and I take that charge very seriously. These are little people who will soon try to find their own place in the world. It is my job to assist them as much, and as early, as possible.

Does my heart hurt every morning? Absolutely.

Do I have butterflies since this incident. Always.

But it will not stop my unwavering love and care. I push through, as we all do.

Am I always going to get it right? Nope.

Is my living in vain. Of course not.

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Day two

Today was harder than yesterday. I had to sniff dinner for a slice of mental satisfaction. I am light headed but I think that is all in my mind because there have been plenty days where I have inadvertently eaten way less than these smoothies and celery. I will admit that I have had a bit more clarity- when I am not thinking of food. Oh my gosh, a whopper right now though! I would like to add that, even though I know your weight fluctuates on this challenge, I am still going to take pride in the fact that I lost three and a half pounds in one day. My detox tea I ordered from Amazon will be in tomorrow too, apparently I was supposed to have some on hand before starting but better late than never right.

I was able to come up with a few financial plans for myself and family. My goal is to help as many people as I can build a foundation of generational wealth, whether it be from starting your own company or investing/saving. I have decided to get back into multi level marketing, or mlm as some may know it. I had my eyes on this one venue but I have been introduced to something else so now I have to make a decision…or do I? I have no problem with multiple streams of income especially when I can afford the initial start up cost which for some companies can be astronomical. I will keep you posted as to which ones I am looking into and choose. I have no problem passing on information.

As far as homeschooling, today was pretty basic, I actually let Te’ teach the children their math essentials and number recognition. He seems to make it more fun than I do so I may have to start paying him for his services and hire him on Tuesdays. I have also come to realize that my children absorb knowledge better in the evenings. So, I will now be teaching them in the evenings after they have played out all of their energy. This also works in my favor because I have decided to give social media a rest for awhile so I can focus on good old fashion foot work. Yep, I am getting out and hitting businesses face to face. I am a little nervous because while this is nothing new to me, I have a direct goal to meet by November so I have to be more firm and not so passive which is hard for me because I am a big ol’ softy. You can pull on my heart strings with a sneeze.

I think that about covers it for today.

-Rush
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