Author: JustAskMaia

I hate living with insecurities. Whether its an obvious insecurity or a hidden one. We all have them and we deal with them the best way we know how. I have decided to write all of my insecurities down and deal with them head on as opposed to applying makeup to cover them up. No, not necessarily actual makeup because your insecurity may be in how you walk, or speak. It may be in the way you do something or NOT do something. It may be something like mine,  I have insecurities in parenting. I have no idea what I am doing and everyday I wake up I am absolutely petrified of getting it wrong. There are so many personalities in our home so there is no child rearing that is the same. Some of my children respond to timeouts, some to the silent treatment, some to fussing, etc. It in itself is a daily strategy. But somehow I manage to get it right. Each day is different from the one before so everyday takes a different strength but all days take prayer.
I commend all parents because we face much critism in the way we raise our children because somehow people think that every child should be raised the same; alot of love and no rearing. To me, those are the bad parents, the ones that pass judgement. It is not for you to tell me how to raise my children and it is not my business to tell you how to raise yours.

Another insecurity I have are my looks. The list is far too vast to name but I assure you that there is no part of me that I am in love with. Yup, not one. I do not hate myself in any way, shape, or form so please do not think I am saying that. I still get up and get out to meet people and spread the word about my busineses. No, I will not get modifications to change the way that I am. I just have not fully come into liking all of me the way that I should. I do love me though, if that makes sense.
I want to do videos and such but when I look over the video I am just like ugh, what if they see my missing tooth or I wish I didn’t do my face like that. My face looks fat or my hair looks stupid.. I guess its more of me caring what other people think which I definately shouldn’t be doing. Eh, what can I say? One thing I know for sure is I am a continual work in progress because I have come a long way from where I once was and that’s not just economically but naturally and mentally as well. Everything in due time. And that is basically what this post is about. People tell me all the time “you have it all together” but I don’t, I really don’t. I have days that I have to dragged myself out of bed or look in the mirror and puff myself up just to get started but its okay, I still get started. There are days I feel like I can conquer the world and I do, in my own little way.  Baby steps ya’ll. 
-Rush

(I took this picture yesterday. What a beautiful sight)

So I decided to take a week off from the consulting firm. That went well *shaking my head no*. I forgot how this is supposed to work but I believe when you say you are taking the week off you aren’t supposed to do any work. So by definition, what I really did was go from full time to part time. It was agonizing, you really can’t turn your thoughts off you know. So I carried around a notebook so I could jot down notes and reminders. I even created a to do list that was supposed to be for Tuesday when I went “back to work” but this list became an extensive list of things that will surely take me weeks to do. So now instead of calling it my Tuesday to-do list it is now my July running list.

I did get to spend a bunch of quality time with my babies, I guess that was nice. We would lounge around doing nothing but chat, color, sing, watch videos, jam out to old school music or play board games. This type of stuff is detrimental to your children’s memories. I mean, I have to make amends for the days I am viciously trying to meet a deadline and become some crazy devil woman. I have to somehow force out my crazy mommy memories with more fun loving ones. My children are going to need therapy for sure. I am a workaholic and I am not trying to change that. I have goals.

On a much sweeter note, yes, I have sweet notes.. This weekend I was honored to meet a young lady who follows me on Facebook, she traveled all the way across the country to see me! Okay, I mean she drove from North Carolina! Okay, maybe not JUST to see me but she did squeeze me in. Gosh, you guys sure know how to crush a girls ego, sheesh! Anyhow, She was a lovely lady and her son, Tre was amazing as well, I think I want to be like him when I grow up….wait…scratch that. He was amazing though. I am sure I was boring as I was stopped by some fanatic wanting to know how I managed to keep control of my well behaved children AND have a business and a husband. She didn’t believe me when I said we didn’t have a nanny or caregiver to help us out. I want one but I don’t have one…yet. She was thoroughly intrigued in the upbringing of these well mannered children. The questions lasted forever. For now on, I am just going to tell people I AM the nanny and I am only hanging around because the mother ran off and I felt so sorry for the children. Maybe they’ll start giving me money, you know, pay me for my time that they keep asking questions. People are so invasive, ugh!

This fourth of July was spent with my love bugs. Thomas grilled and the children played in the pool and back yard. I, of course, was cooking. I saw a post long ago that was so relevant to my situation today. Men get all the credit for grilling but really, the women do all the work. We clean, season, and prep the meat for the grill assuring that they have every utensil known to man for grilling. We cook all the sides and we serve the plates. I don’t clean the kitchen though, that’s what slaves, er, I mean children are for. bwahahahahaha. I am sure my son does not think that’s funny, but I do! hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well. I am off to get a cup of coffee and go to bed.. Don’t judge me. 🙂

-Rush

Everywhere we go we are stared at and whispers fill the room. Sometimes people point, oftentimes people even turn their nose up in disgust but more often then not we are asked questions like, ‘How do you do it’ or ‘Are you finished’. I smile and answer the plethora of questions that usually follow and before we know it 10 minutes have passed. Sometimes it feels like we are a circus act or something, just more normal looking.

Yes, we have nine children that we bring with us just about everywhere. Not only is it hard to get a sitter that will not charge us, understandably, out the yin yang, but we do not trust many people with our babies, not with the horror stories swirling about and all these young ones losing their lives senselessly. Shoot, if you will hurt yours I know you’ll hurt mine…I’ll pass. Its not as hard as some may think. I tell people all the time that its not like God just one day said, here, take these nine children and raise them. They came one by one at their own time in their own way. I love them all equally and specially for their different personalities. That is not to say that I do not need a moment for myself sometimes and if we get lucky someone will come along and ask if they can sit for us (this number is small because well, so is my trust). In the many years my husband and I have managed to steal away on six dates. We are so dull when we go out, we never want to wander too far in case of emergency. We usually stay within twenty minutes drive time. We do not mind at all though. We could sit in the car in the driveway for all we care. No, we are not paranoid, we just like to cherish every moment we can. The same year Madison passed away, Thomas’s mom passed so we know what its like to lose a parent and a child so we learned to value every moment. Most people do not understand but really, its not for them to i suppose. Thomas and I do take “breaks” from one another briefly though. I may go get my nails done or he may take a drive. We always remember to thank God for the moments we have as well as the love.

I came on here to blog about my confusion as to why my children are so spoiled. I do not mean collectively as a whole but individually. Each one of my children behaves as if they are the only child. Its ridiculous. They literally will fight over who sits the closest to me or their father. You would think that being raised with one another they would have figured out by now that its not just them but eight other children but no, they haven’t. I try to tell myself that they will break out of it eventually but honestly I am beginning to lose faith in that theory seeing that my oldest will soon be sixteen and he acts the same exact way.

One thing I love about blogging is the clarity I gain in chatting. I can see why my children are spoiled. They are loved and adored. They get everything they need and mostly what they want…except Reggie who wants a dang hover board and his life insurance doesn’t cover foolishness. I may break down though.

I want to say I love you to my husband who is at work right now but as soon as he gets an alert that I have put up a blog he will read it on his break. I love you Thomas Rush because I get on your nerves and you love me anyway! ❤

Oh and to answer the question everyone asks, we do not know if we are finished. Only God knows.

-Rush

 

Why do people feel the need talk about others? Just a thought on my mind today. I mean how much better are you than they are just due to the simple fact that you’re talking about them? You know, gossiping.

People often say that I have a holier-than-thou attitude. But I don’t think I am holier-than-thou, I know that I am holier than the old me and I am very proud of that.

A little history about Maisha Rush

I was born in a City—–> city girl HEEEEY! I am the oldest of seven brothers and two sisters. I thought I was grown when I was sixteen after I got my diploma so I started smelling myself and left home shortly after, I was 17 by then though. I found out pretty quickly how hard life really was but my pride wouldn’t let me go back home. I guess it was really my shame and guilt. I left one day while my mom was asleep and I didn’t say bye or anything. I still feel a skip in my heart and a punch in my gut when I think about doing that to my mom. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to her. I went to Philadelphia and registered myself for college. I worked two jobs while going to school and in the semesters I decided not to go, I worked three. The city life, you have to love it. At one point I started stripping at a club called Princess’s Lounge. It was a creepy place but it paid good money. I was grossed out every time I walked into that place. The owner was nice but she didn’t play. That’s when I found out you had to pay to be a stripper.

I eventually moved back to Florida with my mom for awhile. I hooked up with my old friends and it was party heaven. I was clubbing, smoking, drinking, cussing like a sailor, and yes I had a boyfriend so I was fornicating too. I was back and forth between Philadelphia and Florida doing everything I was old enough to do. I loved it! My best friend was a big time drug lord so I was always spoiled. I knew him before he got to be a big-to-do in the city so no; I didn’t have to sleep with him. I was surrounded in crime and illegal mess, even some legal mess. I got pregnant. It all stopped.  I wanted better for my son. I knew it was wrong all along but I do not mind being held accountable for my actions but when I had my son, my whole outlook on life changed. He was more important than the air that I breathed. He was my everything. I got on the straight and narrow. I did everything in my power not to be a recipient of the welfare system, within legal limits. I struggled so badly. I wanted nothing to do with my old friends because I didn’t trust myself not to fall back into that life again. I found myself homeless and living on the streets with my almost one year old boy. It wasn’t working like I always dreamed it would. I sent my son to my mother until there was a better handle on things.

I have been on an up and down roller coaster most of my adult life. My stepfather died. I lost a child to SIDS. I Had a horrible miscarriage. I have been homeless twice. I have an anger problem I have been working on. I was a stripper both personal and public. I have been married. I have been divorced, I have been in an abusive relationship where I could have lost my life, I have been a habitual liar, you name it I probably went through it.

I decided one day to get saved and lived right and I haven’t turned back since. I sometimes get so stressed out that I want a cigarette or a nice shot of Vodka, but I don’t.  I sometimes get so mad I could cuss, but I don’t.

I do still strip occasionally but I’m married to the person so I believe it’s okay ; )

I said all that to say. You may think I believe I am holier than thou but it’s not you I feel I am holier than. It’s the old me and I like the life I am living now. Does it get hard sometimes? Absolutely. Do I make it through? You better know it.

I am smarter than I once was. I am stronger than I once was. I AM holier than I once was. And I love me better for it. If you get offended, maybe it’s something within yourself that you desire to change. Or maybe you just want to be more like me (okay THAT was a joke. I do have some humility about me).

That’s why I just really want to go out and talk to people, volunteer, and give my testimony because no matter what you go through you will be alright. You have to first take accountability and then you can grow. As long as you have someone in your corner to talk to and to push you through your rough patches, everything will be okay. So be mindful your premature judgment of others, you don’t know what they have been through or what they are going through. Your harsh words may be their breaking point. Your kind words may be just what they need to be encouraged.

Be mindful today, it could be you.

-Rush

So, I decided to take the week off to refocus and clear my mind of all the business mess I had swirling around. I tried to write things down to shift it from keeping me awake at night but that wasn’t working, I figured I must need a break.

As an entrepreneur it is hard to not think of work or how you can make this thing or that thing better. Oftentimes some grand idea pops into you head and you want to execute it before it seeps into those corners of your mind where you forget stuff.. Oh, that’s just me?. Oops.

No matter how hard I tried to fill my schedule this week with other things outside of working and promoting my business, something would always creep up or I would find myself checking Facebook or God forbid Twitter. I get sucked into Twitter because I get so much motivation from my followers that it usually inspires me to tweet encouraging words myself.

I must also admit that I made a few calls to check on my clients. A break is never a break when you are in it to help someone other than yourself.

Please do not think that everything is peaches and cream for me because it isn’t. I struggle just like you, as a mother, as a wife, and as a businesswoman. Trying to juggle tasks is somewhat of a boost for me but that is not to say I do not get overwhelmed or take on more than I should have. It happens a lot. Even now, it is 3:10 a.m. and here I am blogging instead of sleeping.

I always tell my clients that it is so important to be organized and it is. It makes your business and your life in general run more smoothly. But my goodness, if I do not start taking my own advice I am going to be a lost cause.

I attempted to hire a coach but I am not so sure that is in the works for me right now. I have been pounding my brain trying to figure out how I am going to pay her because she is awesome, just one phone conversation with her gave me so much clarity. But when you run a business and people owe you money it can get financially tight. Credit cards are maxed out and my business is all of the finance I get. I have to call her tomorrow and let her know and oh how I do not want to. Do you want to do it for me?

Even in my over extensions and lack of organization God still finds me worthy to bless me though. I managed to get a new client tonight. He messaged me via Facebook. Its just a consult right now but I love helping out and we will see where it goes from there.

Although I am exhausted I have no intentions on stopping anytime soon. I always wanted to touch peoples lives and here I am. Its not where I want to be right now but I can see it coming and I am doing what I have always wanted to do. I am really living my dreams! I can feel it even. Keep pushing and believe in yourself and everything will work out for your good.

Stay prayed up my loves.

-Rush

Do you know why so many of us oftentimes have this overwhelming feeling, most times later in life, going on a journey to ‘find’ ourselves? Its not just some old cliche people use as an excuse to travel the world backpacking or dodge responsibilities one day. I believe it is actually a legitimate feeling, rather knowing, that you are not the person you always thought you were.

Alas, all these years you have given yourself the illusion that you are one way when all the while you are another person entirely. No, not like Bruce Wayne as to Batman but literally. Its seems all your life you have been ‘Simone’, the outspoken, responsive, always vibrant party girl but sometimes you really want to sit down with a big book and some hot cocoa and be alone for the weekend. However, you have set yourself up to be the way you are for as long as you could remember. Heck, even your parents partied every other weekend and they seemed perfectly happy with the person they have become. Clearly it can’t be bad. And what about your friends? They are going to think you are crazy to just up and change your entire life for no reason. You’ll have no friends. You’ll be alone. But unbeknownst to you there is a reason. It’s called happiness. We are so used to locking ourselves into one type of way that we create a fear within ourselves that we cannot change. We cannot become who we want to be so we get stuck trying to maintain the person we no longer desire to be.

I know I went deep on you tonight but I want this to resonate with you. I want you to know, see, and realize that it is you who controls your happiness. If you have a day job working in an office from morning to evening and you secretly always wanted to own a hair salon for the rich and ratchet, then DO IT! We are so fixated on what other people are thinking or how other people are going to react to us or change on us that we keep trying to make other people happy while placing our own true desires in the background of life.

So what they don’t want to be your friend anymore. So what your family will disown you. At the end of the day the only thing you control in your life is your happiness. It is easier said than done, I know, trust me, I know. The worst thing that you can do with your life is live it for someone else though. If you don’t believe me, just ask me and I will tell you again.

My business is in the business of helping you not just recognize your strengths but build upon them to help you be the best you that you can be without limitations or feelings of guilt. God only made one of you so show Him that you are proud of it by being all that wants you to be and more. Happy.

Its funny that I teach this to people on a daily basis but I cannot get my son to see it. Teenagers.

“Life Can Be Beautiful.”   S.C. Madison

-Rush

Sometimes I speak and no one hears me. Oftentimes its my children, sometimes my husband but he hates it, he’s getting better so not so much anymore.

All I can remember about my tone is when my cousin and I would get together in the summer my mother would constantly yell at us about being so loud and using our inside voices. I suppose it became a habit, so much so that I usually have to repeat myself with everything. When I do try to remember to speak up I am left questioning ‘was that too loud?’.  Ugh, my mind is always racing and analyzing. I must admit that sometimes it is annoying, mostly when I tell a joke and no one laughs, I find myself walking off saying something like ‘Well, I make ME laugh’ but lately have become more accustom to ‘I tickle my fancy’, which only makes me laugh harder. Of course comments like this usually draw attention to those around me whom inquire as to what I am talking about. Oh, no. You didn’t want to hear me but now you want to laugh at my jokes. No no no.

It doesn’t bother me much anymore. I don’t think I want everyone all up in my head with my random thoughts and crazy shenanigans. I mumble and complain about how days are too short and to do list are too long. I am pretty private, as is my husband, but if we open up to you, then you’ll get to see the goofy, lame, dorky family we are.

I used to wonder what it would be like to have a show about us but when it became an actual conversation I became very leery and shunned the idea altogether. I am not open to being the subject of gossip and judgment but then I thought, I, WE, already are. Anyone can be victim to it. What if no one likes us? I suppose I could just write it off as an accomplishment. To face the fear of being center front. I know you are probably thinking, ‘you blog to us all the time’. Its not quite the same thing, shoot, I don’t even know if anyone reads these blogs. Here I am just typing away to my imaginary friends and smiling all the while because whether or not anyone is reading, I like doing it.

In my defense, I am a mother to nine children.. NINE!!! If they can have imaginary friends then hamtramock so can I!!!! In addition, I run three companies, THREE! I believe it is quite appropriate that I have a few loose marbles. Aaaaaaaand I have a husband. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

 

If you don’t want me to continue to talk to play-play friends, please feel free to like or leave a comment. Or even better, If you want to see the Rush Bunch mayhem and foolishness live, share this and bring awareness to this awesome family of 11 who aren’t rich yet do not qualify for government assistance…later for that Tom Foolery though. I like you guys. Make sure you laugh today, it is good for the soul you know.

 

-Rush

Hello my long lost loves. Okay, maybe it was me who was lost but who’s really pointing fingers?

I have always been taught that God will always answer prayers, sometimes His answer is just no. But instead of accepting this “no” we will continue to wait on what God has already moved on from. It’s our natural stubborn nature. But I wonder… My mother used to tell me that God knows what you are going to do before you do it and that He gives us accordingly as it is beneficial to you. That makes me wonder. No matter how hard I pray to be a multimillionaire, God has yet to bless me with this request. I mean I live right. I help people. I extend myself to those less fortunate. What’s up? Maybe what my mother has always told me does ring truth. Maybe God said no, or at least not right now because its best for me. I personally don’t get that, I mean, I am a child of the Most High. Why WOULDN’T He want me swimming in money with all of my bills paid up for five years? I keep trying to convince God that I will do right by him with my riches. I will help those in need financially. I will pay off all my debts. I will buy a new house. I will save and invest more. I will be more attentive to my financial obligations to the church. But no matter how much I keep trying to convince Him, I just have yet to open my mailbox and see that 9.9 million dollar check! Why is God punishing me? Does He know something I don’t know? I hope He will soon reveal it so I can make the changes necessary to come into my overabundance of financial increase.

Perhaps with all of my shopping habits God is under the impression that I would spend all of my money on shoes… He knows me so well.

 

-Rush

Recently Thomas and I took the children to this community park, we rarely do this because we have a huge back yard but every now and again we like them to get some other human interaction. Now, in case you did not read my bio we have nine children, 10 actually but I always have to explain and then hear stories so I have sadly gotten into the habit of saying nine. I have birthed seven and I was blessed with two. I lost one a few years back so I usually say ‘I have 10 children, 7 birthed, 2 blessed and 1 in spirit’. Anyhow. We were at the park and I was playing around with the children, like always, you can see the people counting. It may be rude but when I see them count I just blurt out ‘NINE, there are nine of them.’

I am at the children’s plank to go to the slide with my girls, then Gabriel calls for me to get him, I am like seven feet above ground so I called Reggie to hand him up to me. There is a little girl, a black little girl, who was walking the plank behind us. The girls and I are shaking the wooden beams pretending to try to keep our balance until we reach the slide. Once we get there, Thomas hands me Charles to slide him down as well. I release Gabriel to Thomas’ awaiting arms at the bottom and then Charles. Suddenly, Isaiah says ‘Mom, look!’. No sooner than I look over the young girl, about 11, looks at me and says, “Dang how many children do you have?!” Nine, I reply. “So you have NINE baby daddies?” The look of sincerity and confusion on her face made me want to smack her mother on her nose. Why does she seem to think that in order to have nine children, I must have nine ‘baby daddies’? Poor parenting is why. I looked at her and smiled, no baby, I said to her softly, just one. Do you know she had the nerve to roll her eyes and suck her teeth like that was impossible and I was the biggest liar in the world. Where is HER daddy? I shook my head and slid down the slide with Sara.

Later I saw the little girl walking pass Thomas and I so I asked her to come here. I introduced her to the ONE father and told her when you are in love there is only one that needs to be the father. Now I am aware that some of you are saying that he isn’t the father to all of them, and I disagree. He is there to wipe tears and behinds. He is there to make rules and make pancakes. Sick or well, good or bad, their father is there. He has more than earned the title and Thomas wears it well.

I understand that some people do not always end up with their first child’s father, or their second, and sometimes not even the third. But for her mind to be warped into thinking that the amount of children you have equals the amount of fathers there are is just sad. As a young lady, even if she is in a home with siblings whom have different fathers, it is her mother’s responsibility to teach her and it is her mother’s responsibility to set a good example so she does not have to think like this. My daughter is five and we already have had talks about life, babies, love, menstruation. You cannot wait and hope they will learn or wait too long to teach them because the streets will have already implanted the seed that will grow the tree of womanhood for her. As a woman her mother should have sat down with her and told her, even though you and your brothers have different fathers it does not have to be that way for you, mommy had to learn so I could teach you; Or something along those lines.

Listen I am not perfect but some things are just common sense. I’m just saying I should not have had to have that conversation with that baby girl.

-Rush