Deeper inside.

I hate living with insecurities. Whether its an obvious insecurity or a hidden one. We all have them and we deal with them the best way we know how. I have decided to write all of my insecurities down and deal with them head on as opposed to applying makeup to cover them up. No, not necessarily actual makeup because your insecurity may be in how you walk, or speak. It may be in the way you do something or NOT do something. It may be something like mine,  I have insecurities in parenting. I have no idea what I am doing and everyday I wake up I am absolutely petrified of getting it wrong. There are so many personalities in our home so there is no child rearing that is the same. Some of my children respond to timeouts, some to the silent treatment, some to fussing, etc. It in itself is a daily strategy. But somehow I manage to get it right. Each day is different from the one before so everyday takes a different strength but all days take prayer.
I commend all parents because we face much critism in the way we raise our children because somehow people think that every child should be raised the same; alot of love and no rearing. To me, those are the bad parents, the ones that pass judgement. It is not for you to tell me how to raise my children and it is not my business to tell you how to raise yours.

Another insecurity I have are my looks. The list is far too vast to name but I assure you that there is no part of me that I am in love with. Yup, not one. I do not hate myself in any way, shape, or form so please do not think I am saying that. I still get up and get out to meet people and spread the word about my busineses. No, I will not get modifications to change the way that I am. I just have not fully come into liking all of me the way that I should. I do love me though, if that makes sense.
I want to do videos and such but when I look over the video I am just like ugh, what if they see my missing tooth or I wish I didn’t do my face like that. My face looks fat or my hair looks stupid.. I guess its more of me caring what other people think which I definately shouldn’t be doing. Eh, what can I say? One thing I know for sure is I am a continual work in progress because I have come a long way from where I once was and that’s not just economically but naturally and mentally as well. Everything in due time. And that is basically what this post is about. People tell me all the time “you have it all together” but I don’t, I really don’t. I have days that I have to dragged myself out of bed or look in the mirror and puff myself up just to get started but its okay, I still get started. There are days I feel like I can conquer the world and I do, in my own little way.  Baby steps ya’ll. 
-Rush

image

(I took this picture yesterday. What a beautiful sight)

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