Author: JustAskMaia

I dreamed of her last night. It was the most vivid dream I have ever had of her. She was beautiful. I cannot forget her face; I don’t want to.

This dream, I have had before but never like this. I was able to interact instead of being this week vessel watching and doing nothing as I have always done. This time I held her. I held her close and I held her tight almost consuming her into my essence.

It was the last time I saw her alive. She just looked at me and our eyes locked for a moment and I had second thoughts, and thirds until I just walked away before I changed my mind about leaving her. It was for the best is what I kept telling myself, although I didn’t believe it. That is my last memory of her alive and it keeps playing over and over in my dreams. I don’t have any regrets in my life because I know that by changing one little ripple of life, my waves would be totally different now. But if I could change one thing with no repercussions and still be in this very moment, I would have taken her with me. My spirit tells me that is a bad idea because she died because it was her time, and had she been with me her time would still be up.

McRush asked me what I was sure of when he woke me from this dream and we talked about it. Death. Death was my answer. That is all I am sure of in life. Death is not judgmental and has no respect of persons, it is imminent. It doesn’t care if you are a bad person or a good person, you are going to die. That is why I do not fear it. I do not fear death  because its going to happen. What I do fear is the pain and suffering it will leave upon  my family.

I search for the truth and I live for the truth. I stand in my truth no matter how ugly it may be sometimes. That’s all I can do. Sometimes the truth hurts because truth is nothing more than the reality in which we live. And the truth is, she is never coming back to me and that is a painful feeling. I would have assumed, being the person I am that This would not be affecting me like it does eight years later, I’m just not that kind of person but I guess it is true what they say, you never stop mourning the loss of a child. I think about her, I want to see her. I want to hold her and tell her that I love her even though we are energies apart. I would rather have died with her but that is not entirely true because my children would be mourning me and I cannot bare that thought.

If you know me at all, you know I am not sentimental, touchy, or even intentionally give off much loving affection but losing a part of my heartbeat is enough to make you change that…just a little, no mushy stuff.

Well, its 5:19 am and I am beyond mentally drained. I couldn’t sleep because all I could think about is putting my thoughts and emotions on paper (or in this case, blog). Now that I have done that I am going to try to lay down for a few.

The picture is the last time I would see her see me. I love you Madison.

Love, Mommy

-Rush

 

 

Something is missing. All of the things that I have to keep me busy in life; businesses, homeschooling, mom, wife, philanthropy, yet I am so completely bored. I have no idea what type of thrill I seek but overdoing life is not it. Maybe I just need a vacation. Maybe I just need a job. I was never bored when I had a job, miserable yes but not bored..that’s probably not something I want to add then huh? Vacations are no good for me because while the family is vacationing I am simply continuing on with my everyday chores of cooking, cleaning, packing, scheduling, etc. Taking a vacation without the RushBunch littles is out of the question, no one wants to watch 9 children PROPERLY no matter how much you pay them. 

What’s a girl to do? I no longer smoke or drink. No cussing and partying, just Momming. I found some solice in exercising and weight training but this pregnancy has me so blah. I need some excitement! Where are all the people who have as many children as me or even more? I need relatable friends, preferably married. What do you do to spark your day to day life? 

This is not an blog to make you feel sorry for me because despite my lack of excitement I am very happy. Its just that even with all these people around me, I still get bored I guess. They say you can never please a woman, I am starting to think that’s true because McRush laughs and cries with me in addition to giving me the world and letting me expand my horizons everytime I have a new great idea. Maybe I should go skydiving (that made me nauseous thinking about it). Maybe I am too comfortable with being uncomfortable in the sense of trying new things. I am definitely open to any advice from my fellow mommy entrepreneurs. 

Rush

Greeting Reflections. I messed up, kinda. So, remember awhile back when I posted that I was offered a blogging gig with a magazine? Well upon our speaking prior to being offered the job, she was very open about being able to blog on a universal level, and by universal I mean everyone could relate to and I agreed. Now let me first say that I honestly thought I could do it, I really did and it was on money so I was like, yeah, everybody likes money, I can do that for sure. But more specifically stocks, no problem right? Uh huh, problem. See, I research and dig until I am filled with so much new knowledge that I think I am going to burst if I don’t get it out and that is when I know its time to write. Well ol’ McGenius me came across all types of statistics about black people and their presence, or lack thereof, in the stock market. Before I knew it I was reaching out to prosperous black investors and getting their input on this big new project that was once a simple little blog. Now, I have this amazing article and no where to put it. What am I going to do with me ya’ll. I mean, first off, I pick up a new hustle like I have all the time in the world and am well rested (as I type #9 is staring at me to pick him up at 12:33 a.m.). In addition, I know I should have known better than to think that I can create something universal with all the love I have for my Reflections and my desire to push for more growth within our communities.

Please do not misinterpret what I am saying. I love everyone who loves me back I just feel like my Reflections need more love, encouragement, and support and I am all for it. Now if you are not a person of color and you can take something from what I write, then I implore you to go be great as well with it.

The biggest issue I am having is, with me being an entrepreneur at heart, I instantly went into creativity mode when I realized I could not blog like I thought I could, ‘universally’. With that being said, we need a magazine called Black Money or Black Dollars, something that can shine a direct light on the financial opportunities to and for people of color. Blogging and articles about money, from banking to investing to sharing and checking. You can also have interviews with people in the financial industry, there will be advertising spots as well as small business spotlights. The same as any other magazine. Now I will be the first to pat myself on the back but I truly believe that this is a good idea, I would even be an investor to this magazine. *Hunches Shoulders* hopefully someone will read this and get the ball rolling because I know a few people who own magazine companies and I know it is no easy task so I  can say with surety that this is not something I am looking to start up, but I will help you if you do decide, let me know.

Rush

I have been one busy Mama! I know some of you think, “you don’t say”. But really, this time its true. This may seem like boasting but I assure you, it leads to a point that shows my pure laziness.

As you all know, I homeschool our 9 children as well as run three businesses and just incorporated a healthy vegan lifestyle (which in itself is a full time job), in addition to picking up a new reading fetish (I literally get an average of 1 or two books in the mail daily). I can imagine you look at me like superwoman but do not let social media fool you honey, I am beat!

As you all know I am a city girl at heart so everyday hustle and bustle is like home to me but let me assure you, I give minimal effort. I am not lying to you. I haven’t made a sock in months, my last Heels and Hustle event was like October I think and Rush Consulting Firm is thriving of residuals. Homeschooling is sucking the life right out of me. In addition, the vegan life demands you cook every single meal including snack. You are constantly checking labels on everything which leads me to my new home made ventures of making my own toothpaste (no fluoride) and deodorant (to many things that were not beneficial to my skin. Aaaaaaand I exercise a lot more so when I lose weight I won’t have loose skin, no I have had no surgeries I just want to be cute.

Welp, I have decided to jump back in 100% on everything. Now before I do that I figured I would spend this weekend doing absolutely nothing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha said the universe, YOU, do NOTHING. Apparently God thinks I am a comedian because my children would not let me be great in my lazy endeavors. I tell you what, my babies have stressed me out more this weekend than any weekend ever. There was more crying and whining and fighting and tattling, as well as more calling me by my nickname MommyCanI. Ugh! Calgon PLEASE. It also didn’t help that McRush worked 12 hour days this weekend so he was not here to help as he oftentimes does.

But, I suppose I could chalk it all up to pregnancy. YUP! The RushBunch is expecting baby number 10 in November, which I am hoping is triplets and they come in October.

Triplets you ask. Well with triplets we will have our dynamic dozen without me carrying two more times and October babies because we already have two November babies.

So, there you have it a quick life check in.

Rush

I definitely have my days where I am pushed to what seems like my wits end, whether its by a child of mine or a client of mine. Days like today where it is almost 1:30 in the morning and I am just wrapping up homeschooling. I am a stickler for completion and half trying is not going to get it.

One of the RushBunch decided that today they were going to be stuck on stupid and pretend not to know what simple review work was. And by simple, I mean #7 could do it. But I played along with initially even denying snack as punishment until the work was completed. But oh no, not my stubborn one. No snack? No problem. The other children played and this one just sat there, defiant even. So, instead of sitting I said to stand with a clipboard and do your work. They just stood there, looking at me look at them. Cool. I clean up, scurry the other to bed after dinner and goofing off, I come back downstairs and nothing. I do my casual nonchalant thing and carry on allowing this one to think they won. See, one thing I learned is never let them see you sweat. I go upstairs leaving them to their work. About an half hour goes by and they get called upstairs to get their work checked. Nothing more was done than what was done at 7pm. So I go over the work again, I am assured they know what to do and they began to walk off.. oh no playa! Not so fast! Now you get to sit right by me and all of my craziness until completion. So, angrily, they scribble until holes are in the paper so I politely say “erase it”.  They erase until the paper rips. I calmly say, “let me see it” and I ball up the entire packet. Smiling they feel victorious until I pull out a bigger packet and there will be no sleep until its done. There were tears and tantrums but alas I pulled myself together and watched meticulously as they angrily finished their work. At 1:15 I checked the work and sent my sleepy baby off to bed with a kiss.

Mom 135,907,542,771                            child 0

Homeschooling is not always fun and games because your child feels like, its mommy, she’ll slack up on me. Don’t do it. Love them so much that you cannot imagine them not being as smart as smart can be. And remember, wear one hat at a time. During homeschool, you’re teacher, not mom and your job is to teach. After lessons are over, give them the love the ‘teacher’ wouldn’t give them. 

Namaste.

-Rush

Hello my loves!
Not quite settled into our new home but I am definitely settled into the joy of having a place to call my own when it’s all said and done. Its been a long road traveled for McRush and I. I remember first talking about buying a home with him; We were in our college math class, one we both hated by the way. That seems like many moons ago. Either way, we made it!

This, however is not what I wanted to blog to you guys about. I wanted to talk to you about gossip. Its such an ugly thing and unfortunately,  sometimes even unintentionally, most of us do it. I know I did. I grew out of it and moved away from it and to keep the temptation away, my circle of trusted friends is very small and one that does not have room for negatively,  ever.

In this home buying journey with the slight tinge of homelessness,  I found myself with alot of free time to do some soul searching, as some would say. But it was more of a search of “who am I and why am I here”. I am happy to say I have found the answers to both of those questions and have found solice and much forgiveness for myself. I have ultimately grown closer to the God of my understanding and can now grow because of it.

I reflected much upon my teenage years. You know, when I was stupid and made a lot of mistakes. Friends that I often think about thst no longer talk to me because our paths are now different but I am grateful to have gone through life with them in it. The person that I am today is strong because of them and the silliness thereof.

I do wonder now looking back,  did they grow? I mean, obviously their physical appearance shows signs of growth but I mean mentally and spiritually. I think back to the times I was often used as the scapegoat and for a long time it hurt because I could never understand why my kindness was also my weakness. But now, I am just grateful.

I just wanted to remind you that words hurt and for people like me, sensitive, it hurts for a long time. Twenty years I have been pondering this and finally I had to learn to accept what I could not change and use it as a tool of knowledge.

I said all this to say, mind your words. You words mean something. In the effort to leave an impacting memory on those you love as well as a legacy, mind them. Use them wisely. May they embrace all those who come in contact with you that you leave a smile upon their heart. Namaste.
-Rush

(Two of the three of my heartbeats.  #SistersAndBrothers)

I know. I keep popping up and disappearing but in my defense, I have been feeling very lazy. Yup, that’s all I have. The truth. No real reason not to blog except laziness.

To be honest, nothing much is going on. I am still homeschooling my nine. I am still running my companies from home, although I have been contemplating opening a little shop in town for Slips Socks and Bows. But Moncks Corner is so dead right now, I wonder if it would be worth it, besides, these people out here think they can charge you New York rent for these beat down properties….uh, no!

I have contemplated, however, pushing an initiative to get more of these properties rented or sold to minorities and their small businesses as it seems the minority here is the majority (as anywhere else in America) but that a story for another day.

I am also considering doing a seminar to teach people to start their own businesses for less than a months worth of groceries. I do it for people all the time with Rush Consulting Firm. The thing is, you end up paying me much more because you are paying me for my time. And if you don’t know, time is the most precious thing that you can offer anyone, it is one of the only things you can never get back. I want everyone to follow their dreams and reach their goals, but I can’t make you want it bad enough.

Anyhow, enough lecturing.

I have been transitioning to becoming an alkaline vegan since around mid December. This month, I decided to jump all in and I am dragging my family along with me. Being an alkaline vegan is different from being a vegan which is different from being a vegetarian. We follow the late Dr. Sebi and his common core fundamentals on balancing (more increasing) you pH for self healing and cleansing. I feel great. There are a lot of positives to this lifestyle but the only drawback is COOKING. I cook for every single edible moment of the day, as a mother should but uhmmm, I didn’t factor this in with a family my size. I feel like I live in the kitchen! I homeschool in the kitchen. I read in the kitchen. I research in the kitchen. Pretty soon, I’ll be making love in the kitchen. SHEESH. TMI, I know, but that’s me.

Speaking of making love in the kitchen ( I see that creeps you out). I made the decision to remove my IUD, so I am sure it will only be a matter of time before I am gracing the earth with another Rush. In  my defense birth control never worked for me anyhow, I had the IUD with #9, so I suppose you can just say we have been lucky so far. However, I am using an app to keep track of my Ovulation days because I have got to get my body into some type of shape, even if its a square. I cannot be out of breath running up and down theses stairs all day long. I had better breathing when I was a smoker. So it stands to reason that having children is worse on your health than smoking.

 

-Rush

What if your wife told you she was leaving you in a letter
Would you remember back all of the times you could have done better?
What if she said it was because of the children
Would you question whether she was still the woman you believed in?
What if she told you that she felt like a single parent, because even though you were actually there, your presence was never apparent.
Would you ask your God why he had not made her barren?
What if she told you that she has found an intellectual breakthrough
and that she wanted to introduce you
But you rejected it like VooDoo.
Would you consider for a moment what you would do if she were no longer with you?
What if she was tired enough to contemplate suicide?
Would you tell her to suppress it on the account of your pride.
What if she said she needed to get away
Would you get angry at her and make her feel so bad that she’d stay?
What if she just wanted to grab our attention
Would you give her a glance, a smile, a mention?
What if she needed you to shield her from herself
Would you make her feel as if she were your world, above all else?
What if her smile hid tears and her laughter hid fears
Would you notice, did you care.
There is alot going on in the mind of a woman
and yet we stand firm to protect our man.
I understand that it is hard for you but what about me? Would you do what I do?
See, my attitude is embedded from birth, I inherited from my mother; the earth.
Though I rise from the dust, you kick me like dirt but i continue on in stride, as if it doesn’t hurt.
I put in my work, with overtime.
Thats why whats mine is mine and whats yours is mine.
I have earned my place. And I will no be disgraced.
I offer you more than a pretty face.
I offered you me.
From the knowledge in my mind to the plumpness of my behind.
From the melanin in my skin to the God that lives within.
I offered you me.

-Rush