I recently posted on Facebook;
There is a lot of blame going around in our communities but no accountability. We have to start being honest with ourselves Reflections. Ase’
With that being said, I decided to take a moment to reflect on my own accountability of the negative statistics within our communities as a whole. Of course I know that my Philadelphia roots and Florida upbringing do not directly affect the Texas statistics but I am talking about US as a whole which is something we need to start focusing more on instead of concentrating on “just me”. I am aware that we need to concentrate on ourselves sometimes but we also must keep in mind the bigger picture.
I have decide to make a list of the things I personally am responsible for in addition to a list that I also contribute to the black community, not for the purposes of justifying or otherwise erasing what I did to negatively affect us but for the purpose of showing growth. Well, here it goes.
I have negatively affected the statistics of the black community in many ways. I dropped out of high school and was a habitual runaway. I hung out with what I knew was the wrong crowd resulting in getting taken into a juvenile detention facility at the age of 15. I was promiscuous, though never resulting in pregnancy, in my teenage years (16-17). I engaged in a cohabiting relationship that resulted in children out of wedlock. I was married and divorced twice. While in college I stripped, not for school but for extra money. I was a habitual liar up until I was about 19 years old. I had no regards to the wise words that my elders spoke to me about. I stayed in a religion that affected me mentally into believing that suffering was the only way to please God (paraphrasing). I deliberately sabotage some blessings by believing I was not good enough and I let that esteem trickle down to my children. I intentionally kept my son away from his father resulting in me being a single parent for years and it was a strained and bitter relationship resulting in a broken child.
Those are my blames that I accept responsibility for and hold myself accountable everyday. These are also the things that attribute to my desire to make amends with myself for my own brokenness and my life vow to do better not only for me but for the community as a whole.
Here is my short, but growing, list of contributions I make to our community now.
I stopped lying (long ago). I went back to school to get my GED and went on to study Law, although I have not completed yet.I have started several small businesses, not just for myself but others within our community. I do free consultations for people who want to start their own business and help them along the way. I am a motivational speaker to those who feel like because they are black they can’t accomplish something. That is NOT true. I am an activist for the equality for black people and other so called minorities. I study and pass on my knowledge to others via speaking engagements or everyday conversations. I am an advocate for the less fortunate/homeless. I homeschool my children to not follow in my footsteps and teach them who they really are and to live up to their true potential. I have apologized to my sons father and we have a better relationship because of it. I have apologized to my son as well admitting my faults and role in his pain. I have been married and have since had many more children. Of course I am faithful to him mind and body. I have left organized religion and embraced my focus on having a better relationship spiritually with the God of my own understanding. I have kept two children out of the system and raise them as my own. I deliberately search out elders in the community and seek their wisdom. I openly welcome all blessings flowing to an through me as I know I am truly worth it.
That wasn’t too hard. And it actually feels refreshing to get it all off my chest in addition, it’s also good to see how far I have come. I implore my Reflections to do the same as a starting point to rebuilding our community and contribute to our growth as a whole.