Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️

Family vacation my FOOT!

Posted on by JustAskMaia

So I have been off of here for a few days and there is so much that I would like to share with you guys, my thoughts, interactions, and goings-ons, that I am going to have to post a few blogs tonight just to catch up.

Let us start with this “family vacation” we have recently gone on……..

I do not even know where to start but let me first say that whoever came up with the term FAMILY vacation was obviously delusional in every aspect of the matter. At no point during our trip to Myrtle Beach did I feel or have the remote inkling that I was on vacation. There was nothing that I did that said vacation. I will admit though that everything said, family.

We were blessed to be able to get a room for a very reasonable rate that had a kitchenette in it. There was a pool right outside our door and the beach was like a 45 second walk. The customer service was awesome. The keep was exceptionally pleasant and I even messed up a plate and they did not charge me for it (mostly due to the fact that I was honest and brought it to their attention first). The best part is they were a family and couples only hotel which meant everyone was civilized and respectful of one another. The best part was they never one time turned their noses up or turned us down once they found out that we have 9 children; this is especially a rarity for us when we travel.

Now, the trip. While I felt very extended while away because i was not only doing the same everyday things that I do at home, I had to do them in tighter living quarters and if you know me you would know that I hate clutter and cluttered situations but I digress for the good of the trip. I still had to get up and cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I still taught school and created daily lessons, I still worked for one of my clients (which I will not do ever again), and I still had to pack, unpack, and clean. This has brought me to the sad conclusion that no matter where I am I will always be slave, er, I mean mom.

My children are spoiled to the max and I am okay with that sometimes; on vacation is NOT one of those times.

I am just whining. Although I still felt like the nanny-cook-housekeeper-slave, the smiles and enjoyment from my children makes it all worth it. We went to the beach that my children beg to go to all the time but when we get there, they remember that they are deathly afraid of the water. The laughter I get from that alone makes the trip worthwhile. Lol. Likewise with the pool. Sai almost drowned in 3 feet even though he is 4 foot 2 inches tall. I laughed so hard at his dramatics that I almost forgot to save him (so his brother jumped in to do it). I kept yelling stand up but he was too busy being dramatic. And before you flood me with the fact that it is possible for him to drown in three feet while being over four feet tall, yes, I am well aware of that but if you knew Sai you would totally see why it was funny.

In the end (and even some parts of during) I did thoroughly enjoy the trip <—— (notice I didn’t say vacation). It was fun plus I got to hit some cool Thrift Stores on the way home.

 

-Rush

National outcry after mom arrested for whipping child

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I am going to make this quick and painless for you because I rarely make it a point to blog back to back. Shoot, I can barely blog daily like I want to. However, I just read about a woman who beat her children and was arrested for it. Not only that the children are now in child services custody.

Now, I know a lot of people don’t believe in spanking, whooping, beating, or tearing that behind up….wait, let me first say that I think that is a load of crap because every parent has their moment when they know their child needs a quick hand to the back side. Okay, now that I have said that….

This woman is a great mom! There are some mothers who would have done nothing nor would they have made their children give the stolen goods back. This woman, this MOTHER chose to do what needed to be done to set them right. people can say all day that she should have talked to them or grounded them but talk to them about what, how stealing is wrong? At the age of 13 I am sure that even if this conversation had never taken place, which I highly doubt, I am so sure that the children involved already knew that stealing is not right. As a toddler you even know when you sneak things its wrong so I impose upon you to riddle me this, what should she have talked about?

I have been blessed with children that I do not oftentimes have to go to this extreme, and I use that word lightly because there is nothing extreme about lighting some fire on that tale, but I will. I tell my children all the time, I will dial the number for you and pack your bags for you honey. My children think I am the worst parent ever because I use the method my mom and dad used on me, they talked me to death about my actions. Half the time I was crying because I just wanted them to shut up not because I felt bad but that’s a secret (even though my mom reads my blogs faithfully. (HI MOM!)) But it worked. That is not going to work for everyone and that’s the truth. My best friend used to take everything she ever bought her daughter. Bed, clothes, toys, dresser, etc. All she had was the carpet to sleep on and what clothes she had on her back all weekend. That worked for her daughter. I have a friend that uses scripture to discipline her children. Whatever they did wrong, she would find scripture for it and make them write it 100 times and then write an essay about what they did and why it was wrong. That didn’t work for her kids because they are bad as hell, but you get my point. Everything doesn’t work for everyone. This woman knows her children. Let her discipline her children because the death penalty is much better right.

 

-Rush