Trouble with technology

Posted on by JustAskMaia

With a large family like mine, you would think that there is no shortage of family time. And, while, for the most part, we do activities together there is a big disconnect that can bring up arguing and bickering. The feeling of not connecting or everyone really getting to know one another.

I attribute this to the overwhelming dependence of electronics. McRush and I definitely spoil our crew so its surely on us. Mostly me. When I see something I think the RushBunch would like, I’m pressed to get it. Whether its clothes, games, vacations, or electronics.

I suppose, in some way, I feel a sense of guilt for having 12 children. I always want to make sure they  feel loved and appreciated. This is more than likely from the pressures and whispers of friends, family, and even strangers, that “there is no way those children are getting enough love with that many children”.

I’m a giver. I give every part of me and that includes my pockets.

We have family night on Fridays and monthly family trips. But it doesn’t feel like enough to me. I am constantly loving on them. I talk to them one-on-one. I (probably) overshare. And yes, I buy them whatever they want. We even have one-on-one lunch dates.

The problem with this, aside from me being drained in every way, is that I fear I have created Takers. And while much of this could be a compilation of them growing up and finding themselves in addition to them being regular teenagers, they bicker A LOT. So much so that it feels, to me, like having an aversion towards one another. Though not disrespectful to myself or their father.

So, starting this month, today, McRush and I have implemented the following.

Now, while they do share time together, the dependency on their electronics has placed a bit of a strain on their relationships. This is my resolve, agreed to by McRush.  I thought I’d share in case anyone else needed it.

Things To Do
Tea party with the girls.
Play football with the boys.
Go for a walk with 2+ people
Play a family board game.
Get to know a sibling better
Play jump rope
Play hopscotch
Go skating together
Go for a bike ride with someone
Go skating outside
Play cards
Start (and finish) a chapter book with a little
Write your grandparents a letter
Volunteer for a neighbor
Teach someone something of value
Organize an area of the house
Do a chore for a sibling
Practice your signatures together
Do an art project with a little
Draw with someone
Color together
Teach someone a new dance
Create a handshake
Wash the cars together
Tell someone 5 things that you like about them
Journal with someone
Walk the Milo with someone
Have lunch with someone
Have a friendly competition
Do a chore together
Help someone reach a new goal
Create a ritual/habit together
Meditate with someone
Give out hugs and gratitude
Fix a family meal
Build something together
Share your hopes and dreams with someone
Create a new dish together
(You may create a group idea to be approved by parents)

Each of these quests should be dedicated a minimum of 15 minutes. No arguing or bickering, just calm resolve. You are required to do a minimum of three (3) per day. Failure to do so will result in the forfeiture of your electronics for 24 hours 1st offense, 48 hours the 2nd offense, 1 week your 3rd . Failure to cooperate will result in 30 days of forfeiture.
Electronics include TVs, laptops, switches, phones, iPad, and electric scooters.
-Mom & Dad

What do you think? Am I overthinking? Are my expectations too high? Let me know in the comments and feel free to share. ❤️

Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️

Transparent ask for help

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I need a mentor.

Where I am:
Business is at $850,000. 1 location. 2 employees. I am paying myself less than 5k a month. I’m busier than I’d like to be.

Where I’m going:
Open another location in Philadelphia. Get RCF to $1.5. Hire 3 more staff members. Featured in Forbes and Inc. Magazine (without paying for it). Increase my salary by Q1 2024

What I need: Guidance from someone who has been where I am trying to go. Introductions to more c-level executives through networking. Collaborations to scale. Knowledge to increase my expertise.

What I bring to the table:
The tenacity to excel. The audacity to know I can. I am a quick and zealous learner. I have knowledge and expertise that just need to be molded to the next level.

When:
I am looking to connect with a mentor and outline what we can do together this week and be ready to start by 8/15

Reach out if this is you, Maisharush@gmail.com
#ad

Is my living in vain?

Posted on by JustAskMaia

In the midst of this dark cloud lingering over my head, I am forced to work through tears shed.

No matter what I am doing, in the blink of an eye, I will find myself crying. I snickered to myself appreciating the fact that I do not wear make up. What a waste it would be right now.

Funny, no matter what we go through as parents we still must be sure our children are living their best life. For me that is forcing a smile with uncertainties lingering like a lone cloud on a sunny day.

Isn’t it ironic how we do so many good deeds and it feels, sometimes, as though they measure up to nothing? I remember when I was a young girl, my mom told be to be sure that my good far outweighed my bad. I literally live by that staple. Yet, I now find myself perplexed as to why.

Why then, do I still endure such unbelievable pain? Why is it life seems a constant test? When the heck is the exam so I can pass already!

I don’t know everything there is to know about life, but I do know this, its yours to live. Choose happiness and pass it on.

I’ll tell you what. When my daughter passed away I no longer took each moment I had with my children for granted. Not that I ever did but every breath seems even more previous to me. That is part of my reason for homeschooling. I always say that God has given me a charge (or 10) and I take that charge very seriously. These are little people who will soon try to find their own place in the world. It is my job to assist them as much, and as early, as possible.

Does my heart hurt every morning? Absolutely.

Do I have butterflies since this incident. Always.

But it will not stop my unwavering love and care. I push through, as we all do.

Am I always going to get it right? Nope.

Is my living in vain. Of course not.

Accountability in the Black community

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I recently posted on Facebook;

There is a lot of blame going around in our communities but no accountability. We have to start being honest with ourselves Reflections. Ase’
With that being said, I decided to take a moment to reflect on my own accountability of the negative statistics within our communities as a whole. Of course I know that my Philadelphia roots and Florida upbringing do not directly affect the Texas statistics but I am talking about US as a whole which is something we need to start focusing more on instead of concentrating on “just me”. I am aware that we need to concentrate on ourselves sometimes but we also must keep in mind the bigger picture.

I have decide to make a list of the things I personally am responsible for in addition to a list that I also contribute to the black community, not for the purposes of justifying or otherwise erasing what I did to negatively affect us but for the purpose of showing growth. Well, here it goes.

I have negatively affected the statistics of the black community in many ways. I dropped out of high school and was a habitual runaway. I hung out with what I knew was the wrong crowd resulting in getting taken into a juvenile detention facility at the age of 15. I was promiscuous, though never resulting in pregnancy, in my teenage years (16-17). I engaged in a cohabiting relationship that resulted in children out of wedlock. I was married and divorced twice. While in college I stripped, not for school but for extra money. I was a habitual liar up until I was about 19 years old. I had no regards to the wise words that my elders spoke to me about. I stayed in a religion that affected me mentally into believing that suffering was the only way to please God (paraphrasing). I deliberately sabotage some blessings by believing I was not good enough and I let that esteem trickle down to my children. I intentionally kept my son away from his father resulting in me being a single parent for years and it was a strained and bitter relationship resulting in a broken child.

Those are my blames that I accept responsibility for and hold myself accountable everyday. These are also the things that attribute to my desire to make amends with myself for my own brokenness and my life vow to do better not only for me but for the community as a whole.

Here is my short, but growing, list of contributions I make to our community now.

I stopped lying (long ago). I went back to school to get my GED and went on to study Law, although I have not completed yet.I have started several small businesses, not just for myself but others within our community. I do free consultations for people who want to start their own business and help them along the way. I am a motivational speaker to those who feel like because they are black they can’t accomplish something. That is NOT true. I am an activist for the equality for black people and other so called minorities. I study and pass on my knowledge to others via speaking engagements or everyday conversations. I am an advocate for the less fortunate/homeless. I homeschool my children to not follow in my footsteps and teach them who they really are and to live up to their true potential. I have apologized to my sons father and we have a better relationship because of it. I have apologized to my son as well admitting my faults and role in his pain. I have been married and have since had many more children. Of course I am faithful to him mind and body. I have left organized religion and embraced my focus on having a better relationship spiritually with the God of my own understanding. I have kept two children out of the system and raise them as my own. I deliberately search out elders in the community and seek their wisdom. I openly welcome all blessings flowing to an through me as I know I am truly worth it.

That wasn’t too hard. And it actually feels refreshing to get it all off my chest in addition, it’s also good to see how far I have come. I implore my Reflections to do the same as a starting point to rebuilding our community and contribute to our growth as a whole.

Namaste Reflections.

-Rush