let it go.
This is a blog (from an old site) I blogged two years ago. The eeriness of how relatable this is today, tell me that someone needs to read it. Enjoy.
let it go.
This is a blog (from an old site) I blogged two years ago. The eeriness of how relatable this is today, tell me that someone needs to read it. Enjoy.
Surround yourself in love.
I know many have read my blog a couple weeks back↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓ https://justaskmaia.com/2018/09/20/then-there-was-the-protective-services/
The process has been grueling to say the least. Never in all of my life would I ever think that the government would be in my business. I have sought to do everything right, from my heart, for the happiness and well being of my children. Veganism, homeschooling, always being open and honest with them and of course, protecting them at every turn.
The thought of being separated even for a moment in time, is the most heart wrenching, agonizing, most nauseous feeling that I never want to encounter ever EVER again.
This process cannot be over quick enough.
I awake every morning not knowing who or what will happen. Anyone who knows me knows I do not like surprises, especially ones I probably will not like.
When lies of a person snatch your soul, what more can you do but cry.
My family often questions my religious stance.
I don’t have one. I left religion a long time ago. It just took my physical awhile to follow. But what I do know is this, and this came to me through another morning of waking in tears;
When I need a moment to cry or grieve,
you will find me beneath the flowing trees.
The peace of mind the leaves remind me,
that no trial is too hard that Elohim will not guide me.
Focus on light when darkness is present.
THAT is the only way you will ever get it [life].
Today was one of those homeschooling days where you just want to throw the whole process away.
A few years ago you would hear me shame such thinking of negativity as I would force you to find a moment and whoosa… Not TuhDay!
“Biz, what is 2 plus 2? Counts on fingers for 37 and a half seconds. “7”
Please tell me why math is the one thing that generally boils our nerves?
Its okay. The best part of homeschooling is having the ability to shut down and try again. Oh how I love the flexibility of ‘I am not doing this with you today’.
And while we are talking about homeschool frustrations, I would like to add that I am no longer going to be a willing participant in Rush Academy’s Technology Tuesday’s. Nope. My patience is not cut out for that. The technical difficulties they kept having due to user errors had me about to walk off the job! I don’t get paid enough for this!
Homeschooling is wonderfully beneficial. Not only to your children but to your family and life its self. The flexibility is a tremendous plus. More importantly than that is the ability to see your children flourish and grow right before your eyes. The time you get to spend with them is additionally amazing.
Some of you may say, I can see them grow and flourish while they are at school as well. One of the debates I often get is, it gives us something to talk about at the dinner table. My rebuttal is, imagine all of the things they left out. And sure, you can talk about it, but to see it is even better.
Now, I am not here to badger you or make you feel guilty about homeschooling because I have my days where I just get to the point that I do not want to do this anymore. Those we call teacher planning days. 😉
I am here to be honest with you and I am definitely not looking through rose colored glasses. Like any other day of being a parent, you get tired. This is why I am going to discuss the importance of taking care of your me real self.
Theses tips are not exclusive to homeschooling parents so feel free to take notes either way.
1. Get a good friend. This is important for some that it not be a family member or friend who is,already on the fence, or even against homeschooling. You need to be able to laugh, chat, cry and vent without the preconceived notion and attitude of “I told you so”. This friend needs to be able to listen without interruption or judgement in addition to ‘closing out’ with positive words and energy of encouragement.
2. Get out. I know for me, being a mom, homeschooler, plus run my business from home, life can often feel like I am on house arrest. McRush bought me a small car so I can periodically ride out to my ratchet music without worries of getting the radio edit version.
3. Grab a book and go outside. I am all about nature. I kick my shoes of and walk barefoot in the grass to release tension and stress. I also like to lay out in the sun and get re-energized. Take a book, find your spot, and relax.
4. Go for a walk alone. Sometimes you need some one on one with yourself to just clear your mind and breathe in some clean air. Its a great way to get in a little exercise too.
5. Take a nap. Sometimes we really just need a break and a nap is just what the doctor ordered. Relieve yourself from thinking for awhile. Turn on some soothing music and doze off.
For me, some days I need a couple of these remedies! Take it easy on yourself and remove your cape because Super Moms need energy to be great!
Many who know me will attest to my abhorrence of being labeled a mompreneur. I really have no ‘legitimate’ reason besides I have never been one to jump on the bandwagon, so while this word was making and empowering movement for women across America, I did everything I could to avoid being labeled as such.
I suppose its the Leo in me when I say, “Give me all my labels please”. I work hard for all my titles, and that is not to belittle anyone who chooses to use it, for me, it’s just so condensing.
That’s not what I want to talk about. I want to discuss running a business while homeschooling. Recently, I blogged about homeschooling in 20 minutes a day. I will be honest, some days this will not work. Its all in the planning for the most part. Now if you follow my blogs you already know that planning is NOT my strong suit but I am working on it. I plan in my head and act, but I promise, I will do better starting October 1st. <——- We’ll discuss this importance later.
Some have asked how I manage to juggle running my businesses and homeschooling the RushBunch. Simple. I work when they work. Just like in school, they should have independent time, this is also my time to focus on the important tasks that need my undivided attention. You start with these tasks first and get them out of the way. After that, the other tasks should be okay with interruptions, because you will surely get them. In addition, if your children are old enough, give them some business stuff to do. For my 4 years old she will do stuff like sort papers or put documents in sheet protectors. Be sure to give age-appropriate tasks as to not have to double back and correct or have to redo the tasks. The best part about this is children love to help and feeling needed makes them feel all the more special. Remember to give hugs, kisses, and thank yous.
At the end of the day, school is complete and so are things on your business to do list.
*Level #Supermom status
Most people will not tell you that they had a run in with cps. I am not most people.
What I believe is that we all go through circumstances that not only mold us into the person we are going to be, but also to share our experiences for the strength and encouragement of one another. In addition, there is a lesson to learn and pass on.
I do not believe that in my 17 years of minding my business, generously helping others, and being an advocate of no abuse/healthy living/homeschooling I am faced with something I do not care for, outsiders in my personal business. Because, while I am a always an open book and transparency is my thing, I do not like people prodding and looking for a problem that does not exist.
If you have been reading my blogs, thank you. You know that I recently sent my niece, whom I have been raising and loving since she was a baby, to stay with my mother. From the moment we went to pick her up we gave her nothing short of what we have given our other children and that is unconditional love. It is my assumption that because we sent her to another state she decided, possibly out of anger, to create stories of what goes on in our home.
I cannot describe the emotions I have. It is cumbersome. I literally cannot stop crying about it.
Although I know I have nothing to hide, it still makes my stomach knot up.
Just to keep you abreast, the case is open for 45 days but I will do everything in my power to speed it along.
In the meantime, its Tuesday and for the RushBunch, that means Technology Tuesday. I have shared with you how this goes, so read up! 😁
For me, that means I get to clean while they are in class! YAAAAAAY! ←insert sarcasm.
In the midst of this dark cloud lingering over my head, I am forced to work through tears shed.
No matter what I am doing, in the blink of an eye, I will find myself crying. I snickered to myself appreciating the fact that I do not wear make up. What a waste it would be right now.
Funny, no matter what we go through as parents we still must be sure our children are living their best life. For me that is forcing a smile with uncertainties lingering like a lone cloud on a sunny day.
Isn’t it ironic how we do so many good deeds and it feels, sometimes, as though they measure up to nothing? I remember when I was a young girl, my mom told be to be sure that my good far outweighed my bad. I literally live by that staple. Yet, I now find myself perplexed as to why.
Why then, do I still endure such unbelievable pain? Why is it life seems a constant test? When the heck is the exam so I can pass already!
I don’t know everything there is to know about life, but I do know this, its yours to live. Choose happiness and pass it on.
I’ll tell you what. When my daughter passed away I no longer took each moment I had with my children for granted. Not that I ever did but every breath seems even more previous to me. That is part of my reason for homeschooling. I always say that God has given me a charge (or 10) and I take that charge very seriously. These are little people who will soon try to find their own place in the world. It is my job to assist them as much, and as early, as possible.
Does my heart hurt every morning? Absolutely.
Do I have butterflies since this incident. Always.
But it will not stop my unwavering love and care. I push through, as we all do.
Am I always going to get it right? Nope.
Is my living in vain. Of course not.
I have never in my life contemplated suicide. Not on a serious level. Maybe when I was a teenager and didn’t get my way.
On Tuesday September the fourth my entire world shook from one phone call and on the account of one person.
After two failed marriages I gave up on the thought that love would find me, you know the type that smiles at you in the morning and kisses you on your forehead. The kind that knows all of your deepest darkest secrets and all of your lives mishaps but still loves you like their world revolves around you. I wasn’t even looking for it yet stumbled upon it without even knowing it.
It was when my second marriage was dwindling down and after the loss of my only daughter at the time.
I was in church and my then husband was being ordained as a deacon. I sat there as a proud wife but inside I was so angry because it was a scam, to me. I knew that be was not going to hold up his end of the commitment. He couldn’t even stay commuted to me, just one person. How was he going to commit to an entire organization? It was all a ploy to make me feel like he was trying so I played along like I had so many times and situations before.
After service, everyone was in their bunches meeting and laughing. Being new to this particular location, but not the organization as a whole, I didn’t know much about the people but I was is the South and I hear they are pretty nice. I walk up to a couple of people and introduce myself, make small talk, and move on. I came to a woman I had met prior. Very pretty lady. She was always kind to me and didn’t hesitate to greet me with a big smile. Genuine and welcoming, her eyes glisten as if she were proud of me, although I didn’t know her very well. I approach and was welcomed with open arms. She hugged me like a protector, I liked that. We spoke for a few when this tall kinky man walked up. His stature lean and serious. His glasses slightly hang from his nose. He was dressed in a suit that looked like it had been in the back of the closet awaiting a special occasion. His skin was the most beautiful brown I had ever seen. The woman introduced him as her son but I had never seen him before. He smiled at me and looked straight in my eyes. Locked, only momentarily. He was handsome. Skinny, but handsome.
This was in Sunday, April 12.
In June I had suffered a miscarriage. I was not too far along but I had to give birth at the hospital. I awoke covered in blood and panicked. I called my husband who had finally gotten a job at a fast food restaurant and told him I had to go to the hospital. He asked me, “What do you want me to do about it? I’m at work.” I hung up the phone and called my pastor then drove myself to the hospital. He eventually showed up relieving my pastor of my bedside.
By August I was throwing him out for his infidelities and dishonesty. This had been two years of stress of being the woman on the side yet having the title of ‘wife’. He stalked the house for a few days. Pacing the grounds and continuously calling my phone. Eventually he left and I didn’t hear from him.
In the fall I got a phone call that the woman from church was in the hospital and it wasn’t looking good. I drove a couple towns over to visit. I was greeted at the front desk by her daughter and the tall dark handsome son. While we boarded the elevator, she explained to me what was going on and although it did not look good, she was hopeful. There was a moment of silence and I noticed the son staring at me. I jokingly asked his sister why he was staring at me like that and she laughed and said she didn’t know. He later revealed to me, in private, that he was staring at me because God told him I was going to be his wife. He went on to say that he didn’t know how this was so because I was married. This he knew for sure because he met my husband on the date of his ordainment. I laughed and told him that we were separated and I was doing for divorce. He smiled so bright that it illuminated the room, I’m sure.
We have been inseparable every since. Although prior to my divorce finalization he insisted I remain true to my vows of the marriage.
10 children and one on the way, I am now faced with losing the best love I have ever known in my entire life.
Two years after we got married, my sister in law called me and asked if I could come to Florida to get their daughter because my brother was locked up and she could not handle a baby on her own. With my husbands hesitation, we obliged.
This was June 2012.
The baby, we eventually started calling Tiffani, was 7 months at the time. A difficult child indeed. She screamed all through the night and sat solemnly during the day. A few months in, she acclimated herself to the house and children. We had to take my brother and sister in law to court to get custody because they refused to give us paperwork for her and the refused to come get her. It out us in a jam to where only one of us could work because we could not put her in daycare. I worked because my job paid more. Then He found work and I stayed home. We alternated like this for a few years until we had proper documentation to treat her as we would our own.
This court process took a toll on my relationships with my brothers and sister but mostly my mother. We were always close but my mom has this soft spot for her boys and it just got really bad really fast. Over the years we have been able to mend it a little but I am sure the pain is still there for her because it is for me. My brother’s and I’s relationships are beyond repair and my sister and I just don’t talk about it. It was something I would not wish on anyone. Ever.
Tiffani always was somewhat of a loner. She liked to play by herself. Most times I would encourage her to interact with the rest of the bunch but it was usually short lived. As she grew older she became more and more obstinate and defiant. Sneaky and malicious. I swear it is in her genes. I was positive I could love it out of her though. As young as she was, the older she got, the less I was confident in this gesture.
One day, recently, she did something shocking and didn’t know what to do. I gave us space. Over the next 2 week’s she continued her path of disobedience and blatant disrespect. I made arrangements for her to leave my house. It was on of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. My heart is broken.
No matter how hard headed she would be and no matter how much she lied and snuck around, I promised I would never leave her feeling unwanted. I did not want it to be a pattern in her life.
But I had given her all of me. I had cried some days on my husbands chest because even though I knew I couldn’t, I wanted to heal her. He would tell me all the reasons why I couldn’t but I refused to listen. I just kept fighting. But that incident was something I could not see past atop of the insubordination she had been giving me for weeks prior.
I decided to send her to my mother. She has been there days shy of a month.
I get a call from my mom telling me that she took her to the clinic and they called CPS. (I had lost my cool and beat her butt before.)
Now, all the way in California, I am still connected to her but now in the worst way possible.
I have been crying for hours. My pregnant stomach in knots.
And all I can think about is my children.
Tiffani’s mom has lost a total of seven of her children, or all. She refused to do what cps said to do in order to get them back. I know this for sure because I have her brother placed with me as well. I never understood why she couldn’t just do what they said. I would. Now I may be faced with the opportunity.
I want to throw up. I want to die. These children are my life and I love nothing more than I love my family. I have finally found someone who felt I was worthy to be faithful to. To be honest with. To build and grow with. I am at a lost for words. My heart is so heavy.
Since I am the only one in question I will leave to be sure my babies are safe with their father. But where will I go? The shame I feel and the fear is indescribable. My husband, I know, will fight to keep this family together. But I will die if someone says they will separate my children.
What do you do when everything you have lived for and everything you have built can be stripped away in the blink of an eye?
Today started out a little to early for me. My oldest had to be to work at 7 and while some may think 7 a.m. is not early, first of all, YES IT IS! But more importantly, we are no small family so just dropping him off at work calls for me to not only rise earlier to get the RushBunch together but STAY up. In this house, once I get them up, there is no laying back down.
Getting them up means extra time needed to wash faces, brush teeth, wash, make beds, get dressed and grab a snack on the way out the door. Yes, just to drop #1 off. These tasks usually take me about an hour and that’s if I don’t do the girls’ hair.
I was literally dragging and absolutely moody. In case some of you have forgotten, I am six months pregnant. And while McRush usually helps with the ease of getting out the house, he had long been gone for work.
There are several ways I lift the weight of homeschooling without hassle. Today I am going to share with you one of them. But first, let me just state that every morning they have to write the creed and study their spelling words. That takes no effort from me at all. The purpose in the creed writing is to work on their handwriting, in the event that you were wondering. While they do this, I am making breakfast.
This is something that is an absolute life saver to me. Usually, prior to the start of the year, I print out grade appropriate worksheets for each child. In my case its head start to 12th grade. I make packet that contains anywhere from 5-10 worksheets. I do at least 20 per person, so make sure you have paper for your printer. (In the event you do not have a print, I will get to that.) I put these packets away! Packet Privileges can be earned or used as a “substitute teacher” for the day. 🤗
For days like today when I just did not feel like adulting, it was a substitute. I hand out the packets and let them work at their pace. Here is the thing though, the packet must be more like review work because, as with a substitute teacher, you are not available to “teach” so should not introduce new works you may have to explain. It should also contain learning games like word search puzzles or sodoku. With that being said, that is why I say packets can be “earned”. It can count as a free day to the children. We work on a bonus system. Following the rules of both school and home and doing at least one thing ‘above and beyond’, you can earn a packet privilege for a day.
This is one of the many ways I keep my sanity on school days when I want to call out and binge watch Netflix or even work on my business.
For those of you who do not have a printer, for the younger, elementary school children, you can find workbooks at Dollar Tree for them. Tear out all of the pages, shuffle them and staple. Voila! Packets. For parents with older children, you may have to spend more than $1 but go to Wal-Mart or Target and get the more advanced workbooks (in the books section) and do the same thing. (You can also find these in book stores like Barnes and Noble but you WILL spend at least $20 per book and you know I like my budget 🙂)
I hope this was helpful and hit the follow button for more homeschooling tips.
I have given this a lot of consideration. In fact, it has been on my mind for a couple of years now.
As you all know I am a firm advocate for homeschooling but I am especially passionate about it when it comes to education within the black community. As a mother, I know that this can be a huge step and for that reason, there is a lot of hesitation and fear in making that shift.
I had it set on my heart on being sure you have all the resources and knowledge you need in moving forward in your homeschool adventures with confidence.
Being a business owner, wife, and mother of 10 trust me when I tell you that I get it. You think of lesson plans and setups, curriculum and whether or not they are on the right path. These are all natural worries you have as a parent anyhow, so I assure you, just trust yourself.
In the coming weeks, I will create a podcast and platform filled with tips and tricks to help you homeschool your children without hassle, headache, or even having to quit your job. In addition, I will keep you updated on the over two hundred companies I know who are looking to hire representatives from home. So if you have young ones, you’ll have no worries of daycare. In the near future, I am hoping to collaborate with programs that will assist in socializing and additional educational platforms where you can “take a break” from teaching every now and again such as TechMo here in South Carolina which is a science and technology program for our children.
If you aren’t yet following me, click the follow button.
Check me out on facebook where I already post resources, tips, and trick on how I manage to homeschool 10 children in under 20 minutes a day and they are learning much better than any public school they have ever attended. #LetsGo