A heavy day.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I blog, when I get the chance, about my everyday life as a wife and mother. However, I journal about my struggles therein. Why do I do this? Oftentimes I’m sad about my lack of accomplishments, frustration in my marriage, or discontent of my business ventures.

I do this to compartmentalize or so I tell myself. But really, I do it to avoid my family from being embarrassed. To be honest, it’s not good for my mental health. I oftentimes feel like I am a fraud or doing a disservice by telling half truths. Those who know me know that I pride myself on being fully transparent. An open book if you may. So, I feel like I am offering the good parts of me to the public, via my blog while internalizing my failures in private. While that makes sense in a generalized way, to create a blog around this conception is merely a lie.

Starting today, I will share my whole truth.

I started blogging as a way to release the day from my mind and my heart but it hasn’t helped because I was only showing the brighter parts of my life. I believe that is why I blog infrequently.

When I was younger I used to get kicked out of my room because I loved to write. Like all day.  I would journal my emotions, write poetry about my dreams, and even dabble in writing songs about my projected future. I learned that it helped me cope with everyday issues. Putting my emotions and thoughts on paper helped me make more sense of everything in the world around me. That is why I wanted to start a blog. Initially, I shied away from being so transparent because I didnt want my family to feel hurt or embarrassed by my words, thoughts, or emotions. But that is doing a disservice to me. And the blog is about me.

I have struggled with this decision because I am always aiming to make the people around me happy but I have learned that I am just sacrificing another piece of myself. At this point I feel like there aren’t that many pieces of me left. I have to fix that.

Working on myself is a daily thing and I can’t build myself up if I am always missing pieces of the ladder.

I titled this blog “weight of the day” because Cameron asked how much days until Christmas to which his father replied you cannot weigh a day. And although his question was worded improperly, I do believe that you can weigh a day. It can be a heavy day, full of tasks and to-do or the burdens of the day. Or it can be a light day, with nothing to do or even a day planned out and running smoothly.

The weight of my day, today, is heavy. There is a lot to do but no desire to do it. There is a lot that I don’t want to do but must as a wife and mother. Perhaps I will take a moment for me. Maybe I’ll get a pedicure. It’s not a fun thing for me but a necessity as my nails have grown out and the color (orange) is fading. While it may seem like a pampering moment, for me, it’s just another thing on my to-do list. Atleast I’ll have an hour where no one is asking me to do anything.

M.

Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️

Words mean something.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

Sitting here having a conversation with McRush about words and the root of them.

I posted a while back on Facebook that I do not teach my children to say I am sorry, I apologize, or any variation thereof. Some people feel like I am cold for having this approach, you know because people are oftentimes so quick to judge. I will admit that for the most part I can seem a little distant and skeptical until you get to know me. This stems mostly from a history of being hurt and betrayed, lied to and led on. I am very forgiving though because, I believe, you either genuinely do not know any better or I just took too long to know the real you. I have learned that I cannot concern myself with your ignorance (for not knowing better) or callousness (for not caring about me the way I did you).

While I am easily a crybaby, usually from holding things in, I am not a very emotional person. I am, however an open book. I hide nothing and that includes my discontent.

The purpose behind me not allowing my children to say I am sorry is actually two fold. First, they are my children and they are far from ‘sorry’. They are smart, outstanding, and humble little people who are finding their purpose in life, there is nothing to be sorry about. Second, by stating you are sorry, you are implying you regret what has happened when in all actuality, you shouldn’t regret anything that happens in your life.

Things happen TO you or FOR you. Either way it is a lesson learned, and without learning a lesson, you will continually repeat the same “mistake” in life until you do.

If #7 is running and swinging his arms and as he runs past #8 hits him, naturally he would look back and say “I’m sorry” but keep going. But at a better glance, he isn’t ‘sorry’ because he kept running. Stating that you regret something happen is stating that you wish in never happened AND will take precautionary measures to assure it does not happen again.

What makes your words mean something are the actions in which follow your statement. For this reason I teach my children the root of the word and SHOWING their concern rather than their regret.

In the aforementioned incident, what #7 should do is stop, turn around and check on #8 as well as seeing if there is anything he can do to make the situation better.

Words mean nothing if your actions do not support it. Learning the root of words will keep you from saying things that you really don’t mean as well as forcing you to take the time to analyze your actions and learn from them.

I do not believe you should regret anything in life. Regret serves no purpose except to weigh you down with guilt and possibly shame. I do not have time for either. This oftentimes can be misconstrued as heartless and unkind but cannot be further from the truth. I, in fact, am very kind and full of giving. Anyone who knows me can vouch for me. I just have no time for foolishness and antics when it comes to living my life. If you have ever seen the show Bones, I am Bones.

-Rush