Well that WAS a bumpy ride.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I was looking back on some old blogs and decided to look back at my very first blog. March 2, 2016. 😬

Its exciting to keep a log, or in my case a journal, to be able to actually see how far you’ve come because sometimes it feels like we’re not moving at all. 🤗

Let’s take a look. *I changed and/or edited nothing. Look past the poor writing* 🤭

Today I have decided to take charge of the direction in my life. I thought I had already done that but I was only fooling myself. Looking back at all the things I have set out to do there was no true purpose, no goal, no passion. An idea would pop into my head and I would run with it. I have approximately 17 websites I have purchased, dozens of cards I have ordered, and countless social media pages I have sat for hours setting up. None of which I use, half of them I do not remember. There was no true direction I had no true desire to diligently work any of the ventures I’d embarked on. I am 36 years old still toying with life. I should be much further than I am right now. Of course, I have no problems where I am right now, a wife, mother, entrepreneur; as we have already clearly established. But I want more. I know, who doesn’t want more? I don’t mean more money, not that I would turn it down, I mean more purpose. I want more reason to say I am who I am. Although you can google me, I think that’s cool. But really, no one wants to live without a purpose. How does one find their meaning to life? What do I have to  do to know my calling? Of all my ideas and endeavors which one is meant for me?

I used to want to be a juvenile defense lawyer working predominately pro bono cases. I thought that was where my heart lied. When I was 15 I was sent to a detention center for stealing. I was appointed some fresh out of college guy who never asked me if I was guilty (which I was but that’s not the point). I met with him once and he didn’t even ask me my name. he walked up to the table I was sitting at along with other first time children. I was a nervous wreck, I could’ve peed on myself right there. My palms were sweating and I could feel my heart beating through my throat. He stood over me and said ”you are going to plea guilty and they will give you one year”. My eyes widened as tears inadvertently streamed down my cheeks. I felt sick to my stomach. He asked if I understood. I said no. ”with all the evidence they have against you, you could be looking at 15 years, its best this way, trust me.” I said okay knowing there was no evidence because there was no evidence (story for another day). I was just a frightened little girl who hung with the wrong crowd on the wrong day. I went back to the hall where 25 other young ladies stayed awaiting their fate and I cried. One of the guards came over to check on me. I told her what the man said and she explained to me that they all come in and say that, it makes their case load lighter and frees up some of their time. I remember being outraged. How could you have me throw my life away like that? From that day until the very moment I am writing this I have read and continue to read hundreds of law books, studying case law for fun. I vowed to sincerely help the children who are victimized by the system by making them plea out; even innocent ones I found out. I believed from that day it was my calling, my destiny to help children fight for their freedom.

I went to school for paralegal studies, I figured I would take that route because so many others who aspired to be a lawyer were majoring in English, I hated English, as some of my writing skills may reflect but I am working on it. But as I furthered on in school life happened and I dropped out vowing to return. I took on three jobs and became a single mother. Returning didn’t happen for ten years. I returned and hit a stumbling block, the school I had attended in preparation to transfer to a university, no one accepted the credits. Feeling defeated I quit. I tried at it again online but that was unrealistic for me.

I found myself working to support my family trying my hand at many things but finding myself bored no matter how prosperous my ventures had become. Now I am a housewife raising nine children and a husband still trying to find my purpose in this crazy world.

Fasten your seatbelts, the road may get bumpy.

-Rush

And boy has it been bumpy. I no longer have the two children we fostered. They have been reunited with their parents. I’m still a housewife but more spoiled. 🥰 we have had 4 more children (birthed). I homeschool them all (minus those who graduated). Started a consulting firm, made 6 figures, hired staff, and traveled for business AND leisure. Been on Business Talk Radio, a few podcasts, the news, a handful of shows, and the paper. I’ve been nominated for a few awards (no wins 🤷🏾‍♀️). Helped hundreds of small business owners scale, entrepreneurs start, and corporations stabilize.  Sold the contracts to “retire” and now starting it back up again! I have lost over 120 pounds and took control of my heath.  We’ve bought a house later that year as well.

Life went from seeming like a mess with no direction to soaring with the stars. I love it here! ❤️

A heavy day.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

I blog, when I get the chance, about my everyday life as a wife and mother. However, I journal about my struggles therein. Why do I do this? Oftentimes I’m sad about my lack of accomplishments, frustration in my marriage, or discontent of my business ventures.

I do this to compartmentalize or so I tell myself. But really, I do it to avoid my family from being embarrassed. To be honest, it’s not good for my mental health. I oftentimes feel like I am a fraud or doing a disservice by telling half truths. Those who know me know that I pride myself on being fully transparent. An open book if you may. So, I feel like I am offering the good parts of me to the public, via my blog while internalizing my failures in private. While that makes sense in a generalized way, to create a blog around this conception is merely a lie.

Starting today, I will share my whole truth.

I started blogging as a way to release the day from my mind and my heart but it hasn’t helped because I was only showing the brighter parts of my life. I believe that is why I blog infrequently.

When I was younger I used to get kicked out of my room because I loved to write. Like all day.  I would journal my emotions, write poetry about my dreams, and even dabble in writing songs about my projected future. I learned that it helped me cope with everyday issues. Putting my emotions and thoughts on paper helped me make more sense of everything in the world around me. That is why I wanted to start a blog. Initially, I shied away from being so transparent because I didnt want my family to feel hurt or embarrassed by my words, thoughts, or emotions. But that is doing a disservice to me. And the blog is about me.

I have struggled with this decision because I am always aiming to make the people around me happy but I have learned that I am just sacrificing another piece of myself. At this point I feel like there aren’t that many pieces of me left. I have to fix that.

Working on myself is a daily thing and I can’t build myself up if I am always missing pieces of the ladder.

I titled this blog “weight of the day” because Cameron asked how much days until Christmas to which his father replied you cannot weigh a day. And although his question was worded improperly, I do believe that you can weigh a day. It can be a heavy day, full of tasks and to-do or the burdens of the day. Or it can be a light day, with nothing to do or even a day planned out and running smoothly.

The weight of my day, today, is heavy. There is a lot to do but no desire to do it. There is a lot that I don’t want to do but must as a wife and mother. Perhaps I will take a moment for me. Maybe I’ll get a pedicure. It’s not a fun thing for me but a necessity as my nails have grown out and the color (orange) is fading. While it may seem like a pampering moment, for me, it’s just another thing on my to-do list. Atleast I’ll have an hour where no one is asking me to do anything.

M.