Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️

Maia is tired. Maia is overwhelmed.. Don’t be like Maia.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

Hello, my loves. Let me first start off by apologizing for my lack of blogging. It’s not that I don’t post because I have nothing to post rather it’s really the opposite. I cannot describe how full my life is. Well, I probably can but I am too full of procrastination to do better. See, the thing is, I am honestly not sure if it is because I procrastinate, which by the way I swear is generational curse, or whether it’s because I am so overwhelmed that I just do not feel like it. Maybe it’s a little of both but I cannot rid myself of the nagging feeling that I could do better.

 

While I have a ton of things to update you on, I will contain myself to talk to you about an important lesson I seem to keep learning over and over again. Don’t spread yourself thin. Although you may have the strongest heart’s desire to do so, you cannot help everyone.

 

Last night I posted a fraction of what my family went through and why we now do what we do with Rush Consulting Firm. It stated as follows:

 

“In 2012 I lost my job and my husband had already lost his. We became homeless and living in our car. Everywhere we went no one could or was willing to help us, including the church we went to. It was hard. We slept in our truck with our children (4 of them at the time). We washed at gas stations and fast food restaurants. We would get out early to labor pools just so we could pay the car note (our current HOME note) about once a week we would be able to check into a hotel to thoroughly wash and get a decent night’s sleep. No charities, No churches would help because we were a big family and they had no resources or room for us. We applied for government assistance but could not get it because we did not have an address. That is how Rush Consulting Firm was born, initially a resource and research business for the less fortunate it turned into a full time business with an array of services. Our most important goal still to this day is helping people because we have been there. We are sincere in everything we do because we believe we were not meant to struggle and if each one of us would just reach out and lend a hand, we wouldn’t. We start with us and hope everyone we help will pass it on.”

 

My intent was to post so people know that we have been where they are and teach them how to press forward and use their experience as a mountain of hope to others and while I am sure it came across to many that way, it also was taken as an offer of assistance to those whom have found themselves in our once similar position. And though I have no financial means or initial intentions what-so-ever to aid or assist anyone, only a fool would turn a blind eye to what could easily be a nightmare to my sister or brother.

 

The strings on my heart hang very low so are easily tugged. I used to hate it because people know I will do all I can to help someone, anyone. I have learned over the years not to hate the woman that God has made me to be, sensitivity and all. I over extend myself often. I put more on my shoulders than I am able to carry. I cry when I see someone in pain. I grind my teeth at injustice. Yet, I oftentimes find myself standing alone in my troubles and drowning in my fears feeling as though no one understands and I think to myself, that is probably how these people feel. I can’t help but to fantasize about helping every single person who comes across my path. But how can I? That’s easy, one person at a time; one sleepless night at a time. I cannot do it all but I will continue to try.

 

I will not sit here and tell you that is that hard because it isn’t; all it takes is a made up mind and a lot of dedication. I have that. I also will not say it is that easy because it surely is not.