Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️

My transparency because I am so tired of holding it in.

Posted on by JustAskMaia

As most of you know, in late 2011 my husband lost his job. It was just weeks after I lost mine. With no income and unemployment barely paying bills, we became homeless.

We were homeless for about six months. We lived in our car and McRush picked up odd and end jobs to pay for a night or so in a hotel. We caught a break in a neighborhood that we would rather not be in but it was better than out Durango. We moved in the apartment May 31. On June 16, we received a phone call from my sister in law whom I had never met. She said my brother got locked up and she couldn’t care for their baby and waned to know if I could come get her TODAY. I said yes, she said she would call me back in a few but never did. The next day we were walking into church, yes church, we used to do that, and she called again, I told her we would be right there after service assuming she was not serious again. After church I called her and she still wanted us to come. We went home, changed clothes, and headed to Florida.

We got my niece with a few outfits and a walker. Before we jumped back on 95 to head home we stopped at the store to get diapers, bottles, and milk for her.  she was just three months older than our youngest. We tried desperately to get something in writing stating we could care for her but they never obliged and they wouldn’t come to get her either so we took them to court. They were on drugs and in the streets and frankly a child was just not in their plans. She is 5 now.

This put a slight strain on the relationship I had with my mother because she felt like she should get my niece because she was her grandmother. I felt like it was my duty to grant my brother his wish to keep his child. This ‘beef’ eventually died off, at least for me it did.

Jump to 2015.

For whatever reason, my brother and his wife decided, despite the fact that they have absolutely NO connection with my niece (whom I call my daughter), they were going to have another child. This time they had him in South Carolina. Immediately upon giving birth, child protective services was called in and they lost custody. The child was given to my husband and I upon discharge. Again, my mother felt she should have this child because she is the grandmother and at this point, I was pregnant myself and she thought I had too many children as it is.

Now backing up just a little, we let my niece stay with my mom for awhile (1 year) and when we wanted her to come home she was livid. so keep in mind that added fuel to this new issue which was happening almost simultaneously.

So we now have custody of my nephew. My mom said some very harsh things to me and about me. Most of them were not true and were spewed out of anger. I maintained my respect for her and let her say what she wanted because I am a coward. I have always been a coward. I have let people use and abuse me mentally, physically, and most of all emotionally. I have always been the punching bag and I  never strike back. It has taken me all my life to realize I do not deserve this and that the only way to move forward with peace happiness and harmony is to cut ties. It hurts like hell but for once in my life I have to be truly happy.

In my line of work, I have to motivate people on a constant and consistent basis. I tweet empowerment often, but what people do not know is those tweets are really for me. They keep my going and they keep me in good spirits.

It is time for me to give back to me.

My mother is not the only one. Just know this. I am getting to old to continue to endure pain pointlessly. I implore you to do the same.

-Rush