Trouble with technology

Posted on by JustAskMaia

With a large family like mine, you would think that there is no shortage of family time. And, while, for the most part, we do activities together there is a big disconnect that can bring up arguing and bickering. The feeling of not connecting or everyone really getting to know one another.

I attribute this to the overwhelming dependence of electronics. McRush and I definitely spoil our crew so its surely on us. Mostly me. When I see something I think the RushBunch would like, I’m pressed to get it. Whether its clothes, games, vacations, or electronics.

I suppose, in some way, I feel a sense of guilt for having 12 children. I always want to make sure they  feel loved and appreciated. This is more than likely from the pressures and whispers of friends, family, and even strangers, that “there is no way those children are getting enough love with that many children”.

I’m a giver. I give every part of me and that includes my pockets.

We have family night on Fridays and monthly family trips. But it doesn’t feel like enough to me. I am constantly loving on them. I talk to them one-on-one. I (probably) overshare. And yes, I buy them whatever they want. We even have one-on-one lunch dates.

The problem with this, aside from me being drained in every way, is that I fear I have created Takers. And while much of this could be a compilation of them growing up and finding themselves in addition to them being regular teenagers, they bicker A LOT. So much so that it feels, to me, like having an aversion towards one another. Though not disrespectful to myself or their father.

So, starting this month, today, McRush and I have implemented the following.

Now, while they do share time together, the dependency on their electronics has placed a bit of a strain on their relationships. This is my resolve, agreed to by McRush.  I thought I’d share in case anyone else needed it.

Things To Do
Tea party with the girls.
Play football with the boys.
Go for a walk with 2+ people
Play a family board game.
Get to know a sibling better
Play jump rope
Play hopscotch
Go skating together
Go for a bike ride with someone
Go skating outside
Play cards
Start (and finish) a chapter book with a little
Write your grandparents a letter
Volunteer for a neighbor
Teach someone something of value
Organize an area of the house
Do a chore for a sibling
Practice your signatures together
Do an art project with a little
Draw with someone
Color together
Teach someone a new dance
Create a handshake
Wash the cars together
Tell someone 5 things that you like about them
Journal with someone
Walk the Milo with someone
Have lunch with someone
Have a friendly competition
Do a chore together
Help someone reach a new goal
Create a ritual/habit together
Meditate with someone
Give out hugs and gratitude
Fix a family meal
Build something together
Share your hopes and dreams with someone
Create a new dish together
(You may create a group idea to be approved by parents)

Each of these quests should be dedicated a minimum of 15 minutes. No arguing or bickering, just calm resolve. You are required to do a minimum of three (3) per day. Failure to do so will result in the forfeiture of your electronics for 24 hours 1st offense, 48 hours the 2nd offense, 1 week your 3rd . Failure to cooperate will result in 30 days of forfeiture.
Electronics include TVs, laptops, switches, phones, iPad, and electric scooters.
-Mom & Dad

What do you think? Am I overthinking? Are my expectations too high? Let me know in the comments and feel free to share. ❤️

Black mothers hate their daughters 😒

Posted on by JustAskMaia

There is this deep-rooted question that [black] people dont ask but want to know the answer to.

Why are these mothers raising their daughters but loving their sons.

More directly, why are mothers so hard on their daughters but coddling their sons.

For a long time, I felt that. Many women attribute it to mothers being jealous of their daughters whilst being gentle on their sons and allowing them to be all over the place (both physically and emotionally).

When I was a single mother. I coddled the hell out of my boy as a single mother. So I thought I knew. I was like, yeah, we do do that. But maturing and now raising 12 children with a husband ( their father). I see this differently.

As a woman, a mom, I am made to be gentle, nurturing, loving, embracing, and encouraging. That’s what I do. But, with daughters, it’s not competition. It is being firm with my daughters so they don’t make my mistakes. I have wisdom now. But I talk to them and explain it. Some of our mothers didn’t know how to do that. Their love came out frustrated because they were scared for you. This world will eat our girls alive. I talk to my girls about every mistake I ever made, and I remind them that they will make some as well, probably repeating some of mine. But it’s okay, never feel like you can’t come to me and we will work it out. That’s how life works. But see, some of our mothers didn’t have that, so they don’t know what that looks like, and some of our mothers may still be traumatized by the stigmas placed on them because of their mistakes.

Having a husband and very present father shows me even more that I am doing it right. Because I do love on my boys hard. But their father is there to get them on the path to manhood. That’s not my job. I can teach my sons many things, but how to be his own man is not one of them. Sure, I can teach him to be the man I want…. read that again. I can give him the descriptions and attributes of what I believe a man should be, but that’s molding him into a man for a woman like me. What if that’s not the woman he wants?

I tell this story about my oldest.
I potty trained him, but I could not convince him to pee standing up (he was potty trained at 1). One day, a girlfriend of mine said her husband could watch him. I needed a sitter and usually wound up taking him to work. This man watched my son for 4 hours, and when I picked him up, he was standing and peeing. He said he only needed to show him 1x.

As a mother, it is my duty to raise my daughters and love my sons. It is my husband’s job to raise his sons and love his daughters. This is the beauty of family. It comes with balance. I never have to be told Happy fathers Day because I am a mom. Even when I was raising my boy, I was only capable of being his mom.

We have lost balance because of the bickering and anger of feeling dupes, excluded, and betrayed by a lover only to be left holding the diaper bag. It’s hard, I know. But we have to be open to playing our roles and allowing the other parent to play theirs. This is how we create well- rounded individuals to lead our future.

This is what self accountability looks like. And I’m sure someone will drag me or adamantly disagree, and that’s fine. But I’m not going to argue with you. If you disagree, share it with your own commentary.

This is my FAMILY thought for the day.
You’re welcome. ❤️