JustAskMaia

Today my sister wanted me to go to the beach with her. I hate the beach. It’s dirty and overcrowded, not to mention I have to keep an eye out for the babies of mine who think that they can swim. 🙄 But we went, and the kids enjoyed themselves. My mom and dad were in town, so it was a good family outing. The highlight of my day, though, was my best friend asked me to come over, and we haven’t hung out in forever, so I definitely was game.

It was a much needed break from everyday life. We talked for hours about our goals and fears, our ambitions, and what holds us back. We laughed and almost cried. I forgot how good it feels to just be able to talk without the constant interruptions of mom or phones ringing. I definitely need to do this more often. Not the beach, though, because eww, sand.

I have to remember to step away from the obligations of serving and show up for me.

People with a scarcity mindset do the craziest things. They oftentimes think that what they do is helping them, but in the long run its really hurting them. That’s the thing, though. They can not see beyond their now. Do you have a scarcity mindset?

Do you often buy things in overabundance telling yourself it’s just in case?

Do you save things you no longer need, but they are really unnecessary or easily accessible to purchase?

Do you hide your favorite things even from people you love?

Do you buy things you have no need for right now?

Do you find yourself spending hours doing a project that is not on your to-do list?

Do you forget to do things you were adamant that they needed to get done?

Do you procrastinate and spend way too much time doing frivolous things like watching your phone or playing games?

Do you shrug off compliments and thank yous, giving a reason instead of a thank you?

If you answered yes to at least 3 if this, then it’s likely that you have a scarcity mindset. It’s more than likely that your scarcity mindset stems from a trauma response from feeling deprived at one point in your life, more than likely, your childhood. It’s not really because you are lazy or selfish, not even that you are not dependable to fulfill even your own dreams but because you feel unworthy deep down.

People with a scarcity it’s mindset are unable to plan for their future, even though they desire to, because they can not see the future. They live in a constant reminder state that the future, for them, is not great. Again, trauma response.

As children, they more than likely lived in squalor as parents may have struggled. They were teased in school for not having what others had or even not smelling the best. Perhaps even coming from a single parent household. While none of this is their fault, and they may know it, it’s is still perpetuated in their everyday thoughts and actions. Most don’t even realize it.

It’s hard to even see that it’s happening, and they will be in denial, and it’s even harder to break. If you are like this, I want you to know that you are worthy. I want you to know that your childhood struggles are not your fault. They are no ones fault. You may have had parents who didn’t know better or even know that they deserved better. They could have been suffering from depression, illness, or disability or even worse, some type of addiction. They were worthy but couldn’t see past the life they were in. You are worthy because you are here now to change the course of your life for the better.

You are loved even if you don’t see it now. It’s likely because you blocked it out. Or you don’t think you deserve a life you saw other people have growing up. But it’s there.

You are appreciated even if you don’t hear it as often as you’d like.

The thing is, you have to know you are worthy. You have to love yourself. You have to appreciate yourself especially for how far you have come.

Releasing a scarcity mindset is not easy, but it is possible. I implore you to talk to someone, a friend, a spouse, a therapist, or even the mirror. If you don’t speak with someone, you will continue to repeat the curse. That’s what it is, a curse. You don’t have to carry it around. You can let it go. You can be happy. You deserve to be happy and not feel guilty about it.

❤️

So, I am going to try to speak to text. I am currently working on some success work for this new membership coming up on rush consulting fine. I am also trying to type up some lesson plans as well as print out some school work for Bella and Isaiah. While I am sitting on my bed trying to drink this water..I have a ton of things going on right now and I really am trying to be disciplined in blogging so here I am talking it out and of course I’m going to have to go back and put in the proper punctuations but this is what you get for right now. I do not have much to check in with. I have been extremely busy with the becoming habitual sessions that start June 1st. I am still trying to get the children to get their work done for the last bit of this school year so that I can give them exit exams. Bella wants to do dual enrollment for college and high school classes? So we are also trying to prepare for that? In addition to her business that she started, we are trying to get that up and legitimize. We are also in the process of hiring 2 new people at the firm, and we are training McRush on some more technical details so that we can. Extend our reach in the technical world. If that’s not enough, we are also slowly transitioning to minimizing a lot of stuff in the house so that we can make the. Move that we’ve been longing to make for years. We finally found a house that is definitely huge enough for us, if not more, but there is so much that we need as far as space for running additional. Portions of the business. That includes the print shop as well, so there’s a lot going on in a little bit of time. I’m trying to take it all in mama needs a vacation. I’m tired. I am in class, I am prepping class, I am learning, I am reading, I sleepy. On the plus side my children are healthy. We did get a letter stating that our insurance would be cut off because we no longer meet certain criteria or whatever the case may be, so I need to call them. And see what’s going on with that because it took us years to be convinced that we need to get insurance and not pay out of pocket, and it’s been slightly easier as the children get older especially the boys because they tend to hurt themselves more often which means we go to the emergency room more often so we. Definitely need the insurance like we didn’t think that we did, so I have to also deal with that. In addition, my brother is seeking custody of Charles, which you all know is my nephew whom I’m had since birth. But I’m perfectly fine with that. He’s older, and my brother got himself together. I haven’t a problem with that. The problem is that the courts want to give us the run around, so we can’t seem to get a proper court date to get this all situated and done. I would hope that we can get this done by the end of the year so I will no longer be known as a dozen and a cousin it will just be my dozen, and that’s fine.

Alright. Let me get back to work. Love ya 😘

I need to get life together. We took pictures, with all my children in it. Girl, ewww. And im.nit saying eww because of what I think people will say. I’m saying ew because, just NO. So today is my [new] start. I eat pretty healthy, but my exercise regime is subpar, and I have got to do better. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I still have confidence, but confidence is also knowing where you need to do better at, with love. I learned a long time ago that I can not beat myself into submission. The best way to get the results you want for yourself is to do it with grace, discipline, and love. I didn’t get where I overnight, so I surely will not snatch back overnight. Le sigh. 🥱 Realistically, I need to lose 100 pounds, but I’m going to aim for chunks if 30 at a time. As with anything in life, you have come with real goals and break those goals down into chunks. With that being said, I am aiming to lose 30 pounds by my birthday. That almost 3 months. 📅

What’s crazy is I have a whole ass gym in my house. Treadmill, Bowles, aboutachime, squat machine, DB method machine, weight bench, and more. I walk past that thing every day like I’m sexy slim. 🤣 Talk about denial. 🤪

This time, I’m for real about cutting this weight down ✂️. Not only because I want to feel better about myself but also because I know it’s good for my health.🧘🏾‍♀️

To be honest, I’m super excited. 👌🏾 So let me get off this phone and get some exercise in. 💪🏾

What are you up to this week? 👀

Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out because I was literally on child #9 when I realized and it was buy (misspelled intentionally to make my point) accident. 

These children will work you until your soul is tired. I know mine do. My every waking moment is dedicated to my children even if not directly but in some way shape or form it is my children who impact my decisions. Work, school, my business. And the fact that I always seem to have a baby just meant that one of the first things I do in the morning is change a diaper or make a bottle, it is also the last thing I do. Its fucking exhausting. I don’t hate it, I just want some acknowledgement in the form of cash sometimes. Its quite actually the least paying job I have ever had. The benefits are trash and the boss is an asshole who doesn’t allow time off. And when I did take a quick run for my favorite sandwich at Panera Bread, I would scan the menu to see what I could get the children. They were in my head. It was ridiculous. We go shopping for them about every three months, or quarterly, and run up credit cards from  The Children’s Place, Old Navy, and carnival shoe store. I mean LOTS of money. That’s just on the littles. And then there were the bigs who want Nike, and Champion, bags from Gucci. Its crazy. After shopping I have to sift through their clothes and shoes to see what is good enough to donate and what has to be trashed. All the while, I’m running around in mom clothes. Sweats, oversized shirts and jeans I probably should have thrown out ages ago, but luckily torn and tattered jeans are in. 

I remember when I was younger, cause I’m still young, I used to care so much about how I looked. I would spend $600 on a pair of jeans and $75 tee shirt. I was always fly, I think. At least I felt like it. I was the girl who went to dinner and the movies alone with zero cares. Where did that girl go?

And then I realized. 💡 I am the asshole boss. I managed the money and delegate trips. Why would I treat myself like this. Honey. When I woke UP! It was a complete game changer. If I decide where the money goes, why wasn’t I paying myself? The craziest part is, this is business 101 and as a business consultant I should have known better. Why did it take 9 children for this lightbulb to go off?

Now, at the time that I realized this we were not making a lot of money. Some would even wonder how we were making it. We had a mortgage, car note, car insurance on 5 cars, utilities and the expenses of my business. We won’t even get into the $2000 a month grocery bill. But I figured that shit out real quick. We don’t get “paid” to be a mom because we choose not to get paid as a mom. But girl! You better pay yourself. You will enjoy your role as mommy so much more. This whole being- a -poor -miserable -mom -so- my- children- can -be- happy is for the birds. Cause that is not the life I signed up for. I joke all the time saying God left out some parts when He asked me to play this role because ikyfl! I’m supposed to pour into tiny people who don’t care about me until they become parents! Nah. I’m going to live my best life because that’s what the universe wants for me and I accept that shit with honor. 

It all started when I went into Marshall’s to see if I could find some shoes for my second oldest. When you walk in the door of this particular Marshall, there are handbags to your immediate right. I never really noticed because you know, I was just a mom on a mission. But this day something stirred up in my spirit and was like, “sis! LOOK!” And you know my nosey ass was like “oooh Chile WHERE?!”  

Honey! When I looked over and saw those bags, I swear the angels of heaven were singing 🎶 Get you a bag. Get you a bag. Get you a bag so you can be happyyyy 🎶

I mean, that may not be the words verbatim or whatever but it was something like that. And you know, you gotta obey the angels so I sure as hell did. I sent McRush ahead with the children and shopped in peace. I was being modest at first but then I remember the angels singing and was like, nah. They would want me to have the best. So I grabbed three of the best handbags I seen. I believe there were, Steve Madden, London Fog, and Gucci. These were a step up from my $1.99 bag I got from Goodwill and I was on cloud 9!

McRush was finished with the children before I finished digging through the selections. I forgot all about them and it felt SO good. 

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship (with myself). 

From that day on I made sure I had extra cash to grab something I liked for ME. 

It’s amazing how it started with a few handbags that turned into a few outfits, some wigs, some simple makeup. That led to going to PAID events, eating meals without sharing and saying no, going out of town on solo trips OVERNIGHT! Whew chile. New me who dis? I got to the point that I bought fancy hangers, rearranged my closet, color coordinated my clothes. All the things that made me feel good. And you know what? Not one child was harmed in the makings of the new me. In fact, it was better for them too because a happier me meant a better attitude towards them. 

See. Forgetting yourself will lead to resentment. Every decision you make is out of obligation with little to no reward. I mean of course their little smiles and thank you mean something but lets be real, it ain’t much to last.  And it damn sure didn’t make me feel good. Proud, yeah but in crummy sweats? Yeah, nah. 

The moral of the story is, pay you girl. Pay you until it feels good. Start small. Get your favorite expensive coffee, take them shoes out of the online cart by paying for them. If you don’t deserve it I don’t know who does. 

Being a parent is hard work. Why do a job that doesn’t pay you? 

I never really considered myself a creative, but as I look around, I have to say, I’m pretty damn creative. Let’s start with how I created these crumb snatchers. I created a home. I created a loving marriage. Hell, I created the me that I am now. 🤔

Hi y’all. My name is Maia and I am a creator. 🤣

No, seriously. I am sitting here creating this mini session, Becoming Habitual, I realized just how much I really create. I mean, I had to create visuals and content, right. If I process this, I have been creating things since I started this business. Not to mention, since I homeachool under option 3, I create the children’s curriculum in a very Montessori kind of way. Y’all, I’m legit sitting here impressed by myself.

I guess I never considered myself creative because I see what other people create things outside of my knowledge and expertise, I have thought myself to be subpar at best. But sis, let me stroke my ego for a second because I am not them! It’s not that it was a comparison, I just never gave it much thought.

It’s at these times that I wonder how much we DON’T give ourselves credit for. How you manage your day-to-day speaks a lot of how wonderful you really are. Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back today. I know I did, but I won’t again.

Something clicked. I don’t know if it’s been my daily meditations or me putting in the work, probably both, but I am buzzing!

I got my MOJO back, baby, and I am booking up quickly. You know my book, Fuck Them Kids, I discuss how you cannot let your children overwhelm you in a way that affects your happiness. Yes they can be draining and suck the literal life out of you on a daily basis BUT somehow you have to find your way back to you. It can be trying sometimes and almost seem impossible to see the silver lining but I promise you that a happier more efficient you is still inside. She wants to come out.

Sometimes, I would go through these bouts of feeling unappreciated because I do so much and receive no recognition. I mean, I’m a leo ♌️, I need my ego stroked baby. 🙃 Or we are going to have some big problems. Lbvs.

I want you to consider what small thing does it take to make you feel just a little bit more loved? It’s not something someone else can do for you but what you can do for yourself. Yes, I know money makes you happy cause it damn sure makes me smile really big. ☺️ But, a small thing that always makes me feel good, it’s so little that it’s silly even, getting my eyebrows done. 🤪 it’s such a small thing, but I don’t know. It just makes me feel better about myself. If you have seen me, you know I have pretty bushy brows, so when I get them arched, I just feel taken care of. And it’s like 9 dollars. You can give me a hundred bucks and will blow that in a sneeze, but them arched eyebrows, aye, I’m cute for at least two weeks. It really is the little things.

Sometimes you are going to be outnumbered by your children, overwhelmed by tasks, and undervalued in all of your free hard work but trust me when I tell you that if you can just remember to do that small thing that’s just for you , whether it’s to make you feel pretty or loved , you deserve it and more importantly, you need it. 😉

Promise me you’ll think about it. Find that thing that will have you saying Fuck Them Kids I’m going to….. and do it. Do it without guilt and without shame. Because if no one else shows you love, you should. ❤️

I am so tired of this damn yo-yo of weight. I have been eating more AND better, plus be more active, and my damn scale is going the wrong way. What the ENTIRE fuck.

I swear once upon a time, I was fine. Lmao

I remember when I was going in the Army, I was considered overweight for my height, by 4 pounds. I was 150, and I needed to be 146 or some shit like that. I busted my ass off to lose that weight just to get to meps and still not have lost the weight. My sergeant had given me some drink that made me poop all night long. It was horrible. What’s worse is I had to share a room with a girl, and her nose hairs HAD to be burnt out by morning. I still failed. I came back home on a mission. This was my escape plan from my abusive boyfriend at the time, and I didn’t have any other options, so I thought. My stubborn ass could have just gone home to my mom.

I was running 2 miles a day, 50 push-ups, 100 situps, no carbs, no juice, no condiments for 30 days. One day, I was running, and I just passed out. I don’t know how long, but when I came to, I walked home and collapsed. I stayed in that spot for about 2 weeks, crawling to the bathroom to vomit or pee. I wasn’t eating anything, and I was exhausted from just breathing. My best friend told me I was overdoing it, but I didn’t listen.

I was staying with her as I trained to get ready for the Army. We met in college, and we had law classes together. She was the nicest person I had ever met. She was also in an abusive relationship, and one day, she decided to leave when he was out of town. I helped her move into her apartment, and she offered me refuge from my relationship. One day, she was adamant about me going to the hospital. She said that if I didn’t go by the time she got off work, she was going to drag me herself. I went to the ER. Turns out, I couldn’t lose those last stubborn pounds because I was 4 months pregnant. Talk about a damper on your plans. Sheesh. It turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me.

I still was fine, though. Lol After I had my son, I went on the run to a whole other state. The legal ramifications of this got extra tricky, but I’ll tell you about that another time.

Before having my other children, I teetered around 150. I was thick in all the right places. But now. I got on the scale the other day, and it said 🫣 280.6.

Now, when I started this diet, after having Kera, my last, I was 265. I don’t know if it’s hormones or stress or what, but my scale is going the wrong way. I bought a watch that keeps track of my steps, I have a home gym that I use, I do not eat sweets outside of fruit, and I don’t stuff my face. Hell, I have to remind myself to eat more than 1x a day, so what gives? I am literally depressed behind my weight because I don’t know what I am doing wrong. I always said that I would never get surgery, but it’s looking real tempting right now. The problem is, I think, I just don’t get enough consistent calories to burn off the weight. My body goes into panic mode and holds on to every bit of food I eat. I legit have a bowel movement maybe once every three days. But if I take a laxative, nothing, so I’m not backed up. What gives? I just want to look in the mirror and see a me I love. I mean, I do love me cause I damn sure wouldn’t want to be anyone else, but this weight… nah bruh. You got to go.

I know my two problems. I lack discipline, and I can not stop reminiscing on who I was long enough to embrace who I am and can be. Who I was, weight wise, is no longer here, but seeing who I am now makes me long for her. I miss her more than I want to meet the new me. Does that make sense? I really need to overcome that. My discipline problem is because as the primary cook in the house full of skinny people is my diet can’t look like theirs, and theirs cannot look like mine. 🙃 I hate it here. Just send me to Skinny Villa, please.

The most beautiful thing I have ever seen in this world is my children. That’s not to say I have beautiful babies, although I believe I do. It’s more because I look at them every day and realize what a beautiful thing I have done. Just for clarity, yes, I am aware that hoth my husband and I made these babies possible, but this is my blog, and I am talking about me and my feelings. Therefore, I use ‘I’ speaking from my experience.

Side note. I think it’s absurd that we have now found ourselves in a position where we need to clarify every single word that comes out of our mouths as not to offend anyone because they seem to lack logic and common sense but I digress, for now.

Through all of my fuck ups, mix ups, and mess ups I have been brought to moments where an absolute miracle chose to use me as a vessel to enter a world undeserving of their presence. There are some people who believe that bringing children into this world is selfish, and when you sit down and actually consider the argument, it’s true. But it’s a selfish that I will never regret. It is a selfish that I will always protect. I say all the time that I never wanted children, but I suppose that’s not entirely true. It’s not that I didn’t want them. It’s just that I never actually considered them. I was young and smart. Graduated high school in 1996, 2 years before my time, though if I’m being fully honest, I got it through a community college. I actually dropped out of high school. I opted to take the test to graduate out, and I passed. I went to college in Philadelphia on the fast tract to law school. I mean, I had 6-8 classes at a time, and I stayed just above the c average. Low B but a B nonetheless. I was working 2 jobs and living my life in hustle mode. I loved it. I stayed out of trouble because, let’s face it, I never really had time to get into it. I was meeting new people and really enjoying my life.

I got mixed up with some dude who meant me no good. I eventually went on the run pregnant to get away from him. Here I was, a college dropout, trying to be somebody’s mother. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. I never really paid that much attention to the way my mother gracefully raised us, so I was just lost. Ultimately, I felt like a disappointment to my mom, so I never went home for help. This led to bouts of homelessness, stripping, staying with strangers, and even having sex for money just to stay afloat. When my son was about 4, I finally went home. My bonus dad got me a car and a house, and things were starting to get back on track. I met a nice guy who said he only wanted to be friends, but I know he was lying to himself because he spent every moment he could in my presence. He didn’t want to be a dad, much less a stepdad, and that was his hiccup. But I enjoyed his company and his integrity. He never pushed for sex or anything more than time with me.

Eventually I fucked this life up too by getting tripped up in believing I should move again. See, the thing about me is I am damn near a gypsy. I can never manage to stay in one place too long. I just have to change. I kind of liked that, though, because it allowed me to explore more than my own backyard. By the age of 25, I had lived in 6 different states. That’s not including my childhood where I was not only a military brat but also how I learned my gypsy ways from my mother herself. She was my idol. I never understood how she did it all and always remained so poised and elegant. She went through some shit with my stepdad, but that’s not my story. I love him. He passed away, but man, did he really love me. ❤️

I wound up in Atlanta. I met a dumb ass guy who I got pregnant by. God, he was an ass. But he gave me my first beautiful baby girl. Madison. I swear I never had an easier baby in my life. She passed away, which ultimately led to our divorce, but I cherish every moment of her. He was REALLY an ass. In Atlanta, I found my groove. My mom used to always say that Atlanta is where black people go to get ahead and she is not lying. I landed a contract with an urgent care center immediately, which led to several other medical contracts. I was a master biller and strategist.

Leaving a lot of the story out for now, Madison’s death led me to South Carolina, where I met my husband, and we went on to have a plethora of children. I still get a lot wrong, and boy, do I have my bad days, but they are always what keep me going. Even on days when it’s really dark and hard. Although they can cause many of these days because, well, they’re kids, I always look at them and smile. Not when they’re mad at me, though, because I don’t want them to think that I’m a punk. But knowing that i created something so marvelous and perfect gives me a reason to be reminded that I am needed. And wanted. I thank God for that every day. I wake up and hug them and tell them thank you. Thank you for choosing me. They keep me grounded.