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So I didn’t blog yesterday because I damn near slept all day. 😬

Okay, not really all day because one of my besties had a boss brunch, so I did get up for that, but we also had bottomless mimosas, so there’s that. When I got home, I grabbed Kera and laid down for a nap. I woke up once, and it was back to sleep for me. Perhaps they had melatonin in them. 🤔 Im tryna tell yall it was the best Sunday EVER!

I never know what I want to do on my birthday, wait, yes I do, it’s just never in the cards. For starters, I had a job interview today, yes, chile, a job interview because RCF isn’t bringing in enough for my liking, and I need some supplemental income cause I got big goals.

We were supposed to go to the little bitro just McRush and I but me being mister nice guy decided to bring the kids along so we went somewhere more economical, a buffet. Then we went to lowes for a part, and here I am back home, blogging. Ahhhh. The humdrum of parenting. 🙃

I don’t mind these days because I know better days are coming. We have a house in mind and business expansion, and that’s what I am focused on, not big spender birthday dinners.

I know I keep saying it, but foreal, I’m going back to school. I start in the fall. I am also putting the children in school, so it’s a lot going on come the fall, but I am ready. I truly believe that I thrive netter in organized chaos. So keep me in prayer because here goes nothing.

Hey. Let’s talk about why you don’t reach your goals.
You are setting them wrong. Most of the time, you set an outcome as a goal. When you do this, you get flustered when you don’t reach it. You get upset because what you’re doing isn’t getting to the goal. You get lost in not knowing what to do to reach the goal.
The problem is not the goal. The problem is not you. The problem is not the work or loss of motivation. The problem is you are going about it wrong.

If you set a goal to lose weight, then what? You have to figure out what to eat, when to eat, count calories, what exercises to do, when to do them, and how often
And all of this is true. You will need to do all of this anyway. But that’s the thing. When you do all of this with losing weight as the goal, you will get discouraged the moment you miss an exercise, eat the wrong thing, and the scale didn’t go down. And that is the problem. See, the reason you get so easily discouraged is because you did not see the result you wanted by the end of the day; lose weight.
Losing weight was never the goal. Losing weight is the result of the goal.
It’s all in the why. WHY do you want to lose weight. That’s the key.  I want to feel better about myself. I want to be able to play with my children without being out of breath. I want to walk up the stairs without my knee hurting. Those are the goals. These are what you call smart goals. Specific measurable attainable realistic timely.
Doing your goals this way will help keep you motivated BECAUSE your discipline is not stressed because of lack of it. Every day that you work out, you will feel better about yourself, goal #1 accomplished. This will create the urge to repeat the process until you see the result: weight loss. This ideology can be applied to anything you want to do, plus it simplifies the steps so it’s less guess work and more action.

I had this epiphany about myself today. I thought I’d share in case it brings you as much clarity as it brought me. 😉

Today my sister wanted me to go to the beach with her. I hate the beach. It’s dirty and overcrowded, not to mention I have to keep an eye out for the babies of mine who think that they can swim. 🙄 But we went, and the kids enjoyed themselves. My mom and dad were in town, so it was a good family outing. The highlight of my day, though, was my best friend asked me to come over, and we haven’t hung out in forever, so I definitely was game.

It was a much needed break from everyday life. We talked for hours about our goals and fears, our ambitions, and what holds us back. We laughed and almost cried. I forgot how good it feels to just be able to talk without the constant interruptions of mom or phones ringing. I definitely need to do this more often. Not the beach, though, because eww, sand.

I have to remember to step away from the obligations of serving and show up for me.

People with a scarcity mindset do the craziest things. They oftentimes think that what they do is helping them, but in the long run its really hurting them. That’s the thing, though. They can not see beyond their now. Do you have a scarcity mindset?

Do you often buy things in overabundance telling yourself it’s just in case?

Do you save things you no longer need, but they are really unnecessary or easily accessible to purchase?

Do you hide your favorite things even from people you love?

Do you buy things you have no need for right now?

Do you find yourself spending hours doing a project that is not on your to-do list?

Do you forget to do things you were adamant that they needed to get done?

Do you procrastinate and spend way too much time doing frivolous things like watching your phone or playing games?

Do you shrug off compliments and thank yous, giving a reason instead of a thank you?

If you answered yes to at least 3 if this, then it’s likely that you have a scarcity mindset. It’s more than likely that your scarcity mindset stems from a trauma response from feeling deprived at one point in your life, more than likely, your childhood. It’s not really because you are lazy or selfish, not even that you are not dependable to fulfill even your own dreams but because you feel unworthy deep down.

People with a scarcity it’s mindset are unable to plan for their future, even though they desire to, because they can not see the future. They live in a constant reminder state that the future, for them, is not great. Again, trauma response.

As children, they more than likely lived in squalor as parents may have struggled. They were teased in school for not having what others had or even not smelling the best. Perhaps even coming from a single parent household. While none of this is their fault, and they may know it, it’s is still perpetuated in their everyday thoughts and actions. Most don’t even realize it.

It’s hard to even see that it’s happening, and they will be in denial, and it’s even harder to break. If you are like this, I want you to know that you are worthy. I want you to know that your childhood struggles are not your fault. They are no ones fault. You may have had parents who didn’t know better or even know that they deserved better. They could have been suffering from depression, illness, or disability or even worse, some type of addiction. They were worthy but couldn’t see past the life they were in. You are worthy because you are here now to change the course of your life for the better.

You are loved even if you don’t see it now. It’s likely because you blocked it out. Or you don’t think you deserve a life you saw other people have growing up. But it’s there.

You are appreciated even if you don’t hear it as often as you’d like.

The thing is, you have to know you are worthy. You have to love yourself. You have to appreciate yourself especially for how far you have come.

Releasing a scarcity mindset is not easy, but it is possible. I implore you to talk to someone, a friend, a spouse, a therapist, or even the mirror. If you don’t speak with someone, you will continue to repeat the curse. That’s what it is, a curse. You don’t have to carry it around. You can let it go. You can be happy. You deserve to be happy and not feel guilty about it.

❤️

So, I am going to try to speak to text. I am currently working on some success work for this new membership coming up on rush consulting fine. I am also trying to type up some lesson plans as well as print out some school work for Bella and Isaiah. While I am sitting on my bed trying to drink this water..I have a ton of things going on right now and I really am trying to be disciplined in blogging so here I am talking it out and of course I’m going to have to go back and put in the proper punctuations but this is what you get for right now. I do not have much to check in with. I have been extremely busy with the becoming habitual sessions that start June 1st. I am still trying to get the children to get their work done for the last bit of this school year so that I can give them exit exams. Bella wants to do dual enrollment for college and high school classes? So we are also trying to prepare for that? In addition to her business that she started, we are trying to get that up and legitimize. We are also in the process of hiring 2 new people at the firm, and we are training McRush on some more technical details so that we can. Extend our reach in the technical world. If that’s not enough, we are also slowly transitioning to minimizing a lot of stuff in the house so that we can make the. Move that we’ve been longing to make for years. We finally found a house that is definitely huge enough for us, if not more, but there is so much that we need as far as space for running additional. Portions of the business. That includes the print shop as well, so there’s a lot going on in a little bit of time. I’m trying to take it all in mama needs a vacation. I’m tired. I am in class, I am prepping class, I am learning, I am reading, I sleepy. On the plus side my children are healthy. We did get a letter stating that our insurance would be cut off because we no longer meet certain criteria or whatever the case may be, so I need to call them. And see what’s going on with that because it took us years to be convinced that we need to get insurance and not pay out of pocket, and it’s been slightly easier as the children get older especially the boys because they tend to hurt themselves more often which means we go to the emergency room more often so we. Definitely need the insurance like we didn’t think that we did, so I have to also deal with that. In addition, my brother is seeking custody of Charles, which you all know is my nephew whom I’m had since birth. But I’m perfectly fine with that. He’s older, and my brother got himself together. I haven’t a problem with that. The problem is that the courts want to give us the run around, so we can’t seem to get a proper court date to get this all situated and done. I would hope that we can get this done by the end of the year so I will no longer be known as a dozen and a cousin it will just be my dozen, and that’s fine.

Alright. Let me get back to work. Love ya 😘

I need to get life together. We took pictures, with all my children in it. Girl, ewww. And im.nit saying eww because of what I think people will say. I’m saying ew because, just NO. So today is my [new] start. I eat pretty healthy, but my exercise regime is subpar, and I have got to do better. 🤦🏾‍♀️

I still have confidence, but confidence is also knowing where you need to do better at, with love. I learned a long time ago that I can not beat myself into submission. The best way to get the results you want for yourself is to do it with grace, discipline, and love. I didn’t get where I overnight, so I surely will not snatch back overnight. Le sigh. 🥱 Realistically, I need to lose 100 pounds, but I’m going to aim for chunks if 30 at a time. As with anything in life, you have come with real goals and break those goals down into chunks. With that being said, I am aiming to lose 30 pounds by my birthday. That almost 3 months. 📅

What’s crazy is I have a whole ass gym in my house. Treadmill, Bowles, aboutachime, squat machine, DB method machine, weight bench, and more. I walk past that thing every day like I’m sexy slim. 🤣 Talk about denial. 🤪

This time, I’m for real about cutting this weight down ✂️. Not only because I want to feel better about myself but also because I know it’s good for my health.🧘🏾‍♀️

To be honest, I’m super excited. 👌🏾 So let me get off this phone and get some exercise in. 💪🏾

What are you up to this week? 👀

Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out because I was literally on child #9 when I realized and it was buy (misspelled intentionally to make my point) accident. 

These children will work you until your soul is tired. I know mine do. My every waking moment is dedicated to my children even if not directly but in some way shape or form it is my children who impact my decisions. Work, school, my business. And the fact that I always seem to have a baby just meant that one of the first things I do in the morning is change a diaper or make a bottle, it is also the last thing I do. Its fucking exhausting. I don’t hate it, I just want some acknowledgement in the form of cash sometimes. Its quite actually the least paying job I have ever had. The benefits are trash and the boss is an asshole who doesn’t allow time off. And when I did take a quick run for my favorite sandwich at Panera Bread, I would scan the menu to see what I could get the children. They were in my head. It was ridiculous. We go shopping for them about every three months, or quarterly, and run up credit cards from  The Children’s Place, Old Navy, and carnival shoe store. I mean LOTS of money. That’s just on the littles. And then there were the bigs who want Nike, and Champion, bags from Gucci. Its crazy. After shopping I have to sift through their clothes and shoes to see what is good enough to donate and what has to be trashed. All the while, I’m running around in mom clothes. Sweats, oversized shirts and jeans I probably should have thrown out ages ago, but luckily torn and tattered jeans are in. 

I remember when I was younger, cause I’m still young, I used to care so much about how I looked. I would spend $600 on a pair of jeans and $75 tee shirt. I was always fly, I think. At least I felt like it. I was the girl who went to dinner and the movies alone with zero cares. Where did that girl go?

And then I realized. 💡 I am the asshole boss. I managed the money and delegate trips. Why would I treat myself like this. Honey. When I woke UP! It was a complete game changer. If I decide where the money goes, why wasn’t I paying myself? The craziest part is, this is business 101 and as a business consultant I should have known better. Why did it take 9 children for this lightbulb to go off?

Now, at the time that I realized this we were not making a lot of money. Some would even wonder how we were making it. We had a mortgage, car note, car insurance on 5 cars, utilities and the expenses of my business. We won’t even get into the $2000 a month grocery bill. But I figured that shit out real quick. We don’t get “paid” to be a mom because we choose not to get paid as a mom. But girl! You better pay yourself. You will enjoy your role as mommy so much more. This whole being- a -poor -miserable -mom -so- my- children- can -be- happy is for the birds. Cause that is not the life I signed up for. I joke all the time saying God left out some parts when He asked me to play this role because ikyfl! I’m supposed to pour into tiny people who don’t care about me until they become parents! Nah. I’m going to live my best life because that’s what the universe wants for me and I accept that shit with honor. 

It all started when I went into Marshall’s to see if I could find some shoes for my second oldest. When you walk in the door of this particular Marshall, there are handbags to your immediate right. I never really noticed because you know, I was just a mom on a mission. But this day something stirred up in my spirit and was like, “sis! LOOK!” And you know my nosey ass was like “oooh Chile WHERE?!”  

Honey! When I looked over and saw those bags, I swear the angels of heaven were singing 🎶 Get you a bag. Get you a bag. Get you a bag so you can be happyyyy 🎶

I mean, that may not be the words verbatim or whatever but it was something like that. And you know, you gotta obey the angels so I sure as hell did. I sent McRush ahead with the children and shopped in peace. I was being modest at first but then I remember the angels singing and was like, nah. They would want me to have the best. So I grabbed three of the best handbags I seen. I believe there were, Steve Madden, London Fog, and Gucci. These were a step up from my $1.99 bag I got from Goodwill and I was on cloud 9!

McRush was finished with the children before I finished digging through the selections. I forgot all about them and it felt SO good. 

This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship (with myself). 

From that day on I made sure I had extra cash to grab something I liked for ME. 

It’s amazing how it started with a few handbags that turned into a few outfits, some wigs, some simple makeup. That led to going to PAID events, eating meals without sharing and saying no, going out of town on solo trips OVERNIGHT! Whew chile. New me who dis? I got to the point that I bought fancy hangers, rearranged my closet, color coordinated my clothes. All the things that made me feel good. And you know what? Not one child was harmed in the makings of the new me. In fact, it was better for them too because a happier me meant a better attitude towards them. 

See. Forgetting yourself will lead to resentment. Every decision you make is out of obligation with little to no reward. I mean of course their little smiles and thank you mean something but lets be real, it ain’t much to last.  And it damn sure didn’t make me feel good. Proud, yeah but in crummy sweats? Yeah, nah. 

The moral of the story is, pay you girl. Pay you until it feels good. Start small. Get your favorite expensive coffee, take them shoes out of the online cart by paying for them. If you don’t deserve it I don’t know who does. 

Being a parent is hard work. Why do a job that doesn’t pay you? 

I never really considered myself a creative, but as I look around, I have to say, I’m pretty damn creative. Let’s start with how I created these crumb snatchers. I created a home. I created a loving marriage. Hell, I created the me that I am now. 🤔

Hi y’all. My name is Maia and I am a creator. 🤣

No, seriously. I am sitting here creating this mini session, Becoming Habitual, I realized just how much I really create. I mean, I had to create visuals and content, right. If I process this, I have been creating things since I started this business. Not to mention, since I homeachool under option 3, I create the children’s curriculum in a very Montessori kind of way. Y’all, I’m legit sitting here impressed by myself.

I guess I never considered myself creative because I see what other people create things outside of my knowledge and expertise, I have thought myself to be subpar at best. But sis, let me stroke my ego for a second because I am not them! It’s not that it was a comparison, I just never gave it much thought.

It’s at these times that I wonder how much we DON’T give ourselves credit for. How you manage your day-to-day speaks a lot of how wonderful you really are. Don’t forget to pat yourself on the back today. I know I did, but I won’t again.

Something clicked. I don’t know if it’s been my daily meditations or me putting in the work, probably both, but I am buzzing!

I got my MOJO back, baby, and I am booking up quickly. You know my book, Fuck Them Kids, I discuss how you cannot let your children overwhelm you in a way that affects your happiness. Yes they can be draining and suck the literal life out of you on a daily basis BUT somehow you have to find your way back to you. It can be trying sometimes and almost seem impossible to see the silver lining but I promise you that a happier more efficient you is still inside. She wants to come out.

Sometimes, I would go through these bouts of feeling unappreciated because I do so much and receive no recognition. I mean, I’m a leo ♌️, I need my ego stroked baby. 🙃 Or we are going to have some big problems. Lbvs.

I want you to consider what small thing does it take to make you feel just a little bit more loved? It’s not something someone else can do for you but what you can do for yourself. Yes, I know money makes you happy cause it damn sure makes me smile really big. ☺️ But, a small thing that always makes me feel good, it’s so little that it’s silly even, getting my eyebrows done. 🤪 it’s such a small thing, but I don’t know. It just makes me feel better about myself. If you have seen me, you know I have pretty bushy brows, so when I get them arched, I just feel taken care of. And it’s like 9 dollars. You can give me a hundred bucks and will blow that in a sneeze, but them arched eyebrows, aye, I’m cute for at least two weeks. It really is the little things.

Sometimes you are going to be outnumbered by your children, overwhelmed by tasks, and undervalued in all of your free hard work but trust me when I tell you that if you can just remember to do that small thing that’s just for you , whether it’s to make you feel pretty or loved , you deserve it and more importantly, you need it. 😉

Promise me you’ll think about it. Find that thing that will have you saying Fuck Them Kids I’m going to….. and do it. Do it without guilt and without shame. Because if no one else shows you love, you should. ❤️