T I Red.

What a whirlwind of, well, everything. You know how you do research and you find yourself down a rabbit hole of thongs you didn’t know you didn’t know? Well, that’s been my life lately. 🙃

So much so that I had to put myself on a 30 days to discipline. I mean at this point I don’t know if I just don’t care or if I’m depressed. I am a very active depressed person. I learned this long ago when I didn’t know or even consider whether I was depressed. My husband told me. I am something like a control freak with o.c.d. not to mention my high anxiety. I am actually on a medication called zoloft for it although I don’t take it. 😬

In addition to homeschooling being all over the place and me not having any current clients, I have some family issues going on (outside of the RushBunch). Due to my anxiety I have always avoided conflict but somehow it always finds me. I just let everything ride because I do not have the mental capacity to handle it without vomiting or feeling light headed/passing out. I am a people pleaser because I value peace but whew. It’s a lot.

I have a cousin that recently went on a warpath bashing her dad on social media instead of talking to him. Not only was she wrong but the issues were ones she harbored from years ago. So what was the point. While I do blog and am very upfront about what I do and am going through, I would never do that. That leaves me to question, how do I handle it then? 😪

I start therapy in a couple days so hopefully I can iron it out without confronting anyone because I just can’t. I’d rather move out of the country. 😅

So, this 30 days to discipline thing I’m on, I’m a few days in but I also missed a few days. I am going to pick up where I left of but to keep myself more accountable I am going to start posting it in here. I must warn you, things get personal. It is an even more transparent view of my life as a wife, mom of 12, homeschooler, business owner, and student.

My hope is that I inspire you to do more and be more as I aim to do the same.

I always knew that I was made for more and as bad as I want it, I have to go get it. You coming with?