You know what day it is.

Surely I would not let this day go by without acknowledging you. The world is so different from what I thought it would be without you.

I expected to have someone to frill up and show off. By now a preteen surely testing the waters, its only fair because I did it to my mom.

Its scary, I think without pictures reminding me I think I may have forgotten what you look like. Do you know what I DO remember? How soft your skin was. I used to rub my face on yours. If I close my eyes I can still feel my cheek on your forehead.

Remember when we slept so close that we shared breath? That was cool. I would wake up at 2:55 every morning just to stare at you because, like clockwork, you would wake up at 3. I never met one so calm. I probably only seen you cry twice the whole time I knew you.

You stole my heart from the very first moment I met you. Oh, how you changed me. Even now.

I was laying in bed last night wishing I could hold you in my arms again. Smell you. Touch you.

I never question why you left. It just wasn’t meant to be. I know that now. Boy did it take me a long time to realize it though. Where I am now, I would not be here if you had not left. That’s a hard thing to accept.

You made me stronger. Wiser even.

We celebrate you every day. We whisper your name lest we forget. Thank you for choosing me. I don’t know why but I know there is one. So I am grateful.

Your sisters and brothers speak as if they all met you. Maybe they did, last life.

I just wanted you to know that I love you. My gift to the world on your birthday is to tell them about you. I wouldn’t be who I am where I am had you not come…and gone.

Today you would be 11. Wow. Happy birthday Madison. I love you more and more, like you never left earthside.

“If you ever ask God ‘why’ , if you listen you will hear him say, because you were going the wrong way.” -Maisha Rush

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