Discourage trumped by determination

If ever I have been near my breaking point it has been this week. There is so much going on and I am exhausted. This going to bed at four a m just to turn around and get back up is ridiculous.

I need help. I am such a perfectionist though that I am afraid to ask for help. I believed I would be so consumed with worrying about whether or not the person is doing their job correctly that I wouldn’t get anything done anyhow which would not only defeat the purpose but I will have lost time and money just to stress. Nah, I’d rather keep the stress to a minimal (HA) and just do it myself.

What is wrong with me? I don’t want to yet I continue to pile tasks on my plate as if I were free at any moment in my life. Shoot, I am even working in my dreams. I need a vacation…. who wants to watch the RushBunch?

Sometimes I think  I am the only one rooting for myself. As far as my family, This is the everyday me. I do not know what they were to think of me as some cool calm and relaxed chic who gets her hair and nails done on a weekly basis and went shopping without looking at price tags. That used to be me. Spending $300 on a pair of jeans because I wanted them. Now I see a pair of jeans for $9.99 and I am pitching a fit. Who is this woman I have become, hording every dollar to save and penny pinching to live. I can argue all day with myself about whether or not I should do things the way that I am currently but in the end, I make the decision that it is best and continue on. See, I know that in the end, because I have goals, things will be different. I save and pinch the way I do because in five years, as I stay on track, I will be traveling the world with my babies. so, yeah, money is tight right now, but that is by choice not necessity but I will appreciate it so much more later. I just hope that in the meantime I do not force myself to maintain this habit and then I’m just some old rich lady with millions of dollars in the bank but living in a shack with 76 cats eating out of cans.

Ya’ll pray for me.



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