Stepping back

You would never have convinced me that I would be here today. Never in a million years.
I was on the fast track to being a lawyer. I was a beast! I was attending school full-time year round and managed to juggle two jobs at the same time plus I managed to maintain a B average. I was focused and diligent. My home was immaculate due to my slight, okay overbearing OCD. I even managed to go out every now and again.

Now look at me, Married, 10 children, and successful business owner. People would think I was living the life, yet I have days of inadequacies when I fall short of feeling great. Truth is, I have those days more often than not. The days where I want to just quit.
Being a mother is something I never foresaw for myself let alone 10 children. I never would have thought I would be married. I always figured it wasn’t in the cards for me, seeing as I was going from one jerk to another.
Yet here I am.

What is the point of this blog?
This blog is for all the people who feel like I am some type of super mom because I homeschool 10 children while maintaining my home and successful business, but the truth is, I get burned out. I want to scream sometimes. And there are many days that I go without just to get it all done. But I get tired too.

For those that do not regularly follow my blog, two of my blessings are not mine biologically and that has sometimes taken a toll on my life because of the unwanted input and opinions placed on me and McRush, I swear some days I just want to change my number and block everyone I know. It’s hard enough raising children but to have the constant selfish interference can take its toll on even the strongest of moms.

After the death of my daughter and still-born experience of my son, I just want to be left alone most of the time. No one seems to get that. I am forced to put on an extrovert face when all I want to do is curl up on the couch and read a book and close myself off from the world.

Is that selfish? Probably, but I have spent all of my life being selfless to people who could care less about me. Smiling and giving. Now, I have nothing left to give to myself.

I am very grateful for each and every one of my babies, both birthed or blessed my handsome husband McRush, and my business where I get to help people live out the life they always wanted. But for right now, I think I need a vacation.


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