Why this is my last Pregnancy.

Some people always dreamed of having a large family. Some people do not want children at all. Me and McRush, we never really opted either way. We were a happily married couple who really just went with the flow of things. Although, there were times where we tried several different birth control options; we got pregnant on every one. NuvaRing(2), IUD (2), the patch (2), the pill, etc. It just seemed like the Gods were laughing at our every attempt to not conceive. So we quit trying. Many people have asked why I don’t get a tubal ligation or McRush a vasectomy, which is rude to say the least but… We have never been a fan of permanently altering our bodies, what will be will be. The only thing that has ever worked for us is going strictly off my cycle and the moon cycle (yes it works) HOWEVER, this particular method takes discipline to resist urges, discipline, clearly, we do not always have. So here we are sitting in the hospital after having to go an emergency cesarean with pregnancy number 10.

This experience has prompted me to rethink methods of birth control. Still absolutely not a fan of body alterations and obviously being two very fertile beings meant to single-handedly replenish the earth of melanated children (that is a joke), the aforementioned medical procedures are starting to look like our only options.

Having suffered losing a child to SIDS (that is a story for another day) and miscarrying another, the loss is not something I want to continue with, especially something as precious as a child.

Here is the rundown of my latest pregnancy hiccup.

I went to a scheduled doctors appointment to get checked. I was 39 weeks and 5 days along, and as any mom could tell you, this is one of those uncomfortable visits where a doctor has to place her fingers inside of you and see if you are dilated. I was two centimeters but for me, that is nothing because I can hold that position for a month. So, we checked out and went about our day. While at Walmart, I stopped to go to the restroom and as I squatted over the toilet, yes, I squat, I saw what looked like mustard but much more brown. I called McRush into the restroom and explained and showed him, yeah, we are THAT couple. I called the office a spoke to a nurse who told me not to worry but just be watchful. Leary, we continued on with our errands. About an hour later, the nurse calls back and said the doctor wants me to go in. We head to the hospital arriving just before six in the evening and they hook me up to the monitors. Turns out what I thought were Braxton hicks all this time were actually contractions and with every contraction #10 heartbeat would take a nose dive. We had an awesome nurse, actually two, one was Maria P. and the other I do not remember but when I find out I will update this post. These ladies were not having it. after 4 contraction/rate drops, they wanted to get him out. They moved very quickly to make it happen. By 6:32 #10 was welcomed into the world, not by me though because I was KNOCKED out.  In addition to being under anesthesia, I’d had an allergic reaction so was dosed with Benadryl.

I didn’t know where my baby was or whether or not he was alive. No one was saying anything and I was too drugged up to ask.

At four thirty in the morning, I was rolled down to the NICU where #10 was being held filled with tubes and laid out almost completely naked. This was the first time I had seen him and I couldn’t even hold him. It broke my heart into pieces and I knew then that I would not be going through this again.

He is having respiratory issues because of the meconium he ingested. That is what I was leaking in Walmart because I had ruptured and didn’t even know it.

He is doing better. He is off oxygen and off of his feeding tube. I may still have to be discharged without him but I have a few people out there cashing in favors through prayer so I am hopeful that at the very max, I can pick him up one day after I am released.

I have had a c-section before, but it was because #5 pushed his cord out with his hand so the aftermath was I still was able to hold him and leave with him. As a homeschooling mom whom already has detachment issues because of the loss of two of my aforementioned children, leaving my side is not something I am comfortable with when it comes to my babies. So this is hard for me. I have been keeping busy with work while in the hospital despite the pleas from friends, loved ones, and strangers alike, to take it easy.

I appreciate all of the love and well wishes from everyone and I will keep you posted.



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