Without letting depression set in

This is old to me, but new to some of you.

Without letting depression set in, I often think about my baby girl who died before I could wish her happy first birthday.
Without letting depression set in, I hear the whispers of my name when you speak hurtful things about my weight.
Without letting depression set in, I remember the little girl who was touched inappropriately by a family friend.
Without letting depression set in, I cannot forget when I slept at the local gas station picking through the trash to feed my only son.
Without letting depression set in, I still feel the fear of being told I could die of ovarian cancer.
Without letting depression set in, the tears still come when I think of my stepfather dying and no one comfort my pain because he was not my “real” dad.
Without letting depression set in, I cannot forgive myself for dropping out of law school to hide from my abusive ex.
Without letting depression set in, I wonder who is my friend when so many have stabbed me in the back.
Without letting depression set in, I pretend not to notice that you treat me different because I put my family first and cannot hang out with you.
Without letting depression set in, I think of how I have to raise my brothers daughter while they act as if she does not exist.
Without letting depression set in, I remembered how you slandered my name to your friends when you felt like I should have gone another way with my decisions.
Without letting depression set in, I worry about you and the decisions YOU make.
Without letting depression set in, I still feel the words of my mother putting me down without knowing the whole story and when she did learn it, no apology was given.
Without letting depression set in, I remember it all and it hurts so bad. But with a smile on my face and a pep in my step you will never know my story.  You will never feel my pain. You may never care. But remember this, as I continue to rise to the top like the perfectly kneaded dough, I will smile. As God lifts my spirits, all of the hurt, pain, and abuse will go away. I will come out smarter. Wiser. Happier. And richer. You will still talk about me. So I will not let depression set in because nothing is worth taking my happiness.
-Rush

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