I have been overweight for a very long time. I was extremely thin up until about fifteen years old, I don’t really know what happened, hormones I suppose. But from there I never really thought much of myself. I tried to make friends which wasn’t that hard for me because I was always the smiling bubbly girl from next door. The popular girls usually gravitated toward me but I think it was more out of sympathy for the pretty fat girl that made everyone smile. That was fine with me for awhile until I found out that it was because I was never much of an asset just a charity.
As I grew older I would yo yo diet but my weight would always come back. Then I started having children and being lazy. I ballooned up to 282 pounds. My husband would just tell me I am beautiful anyhow which subconsciously made me even more lazy because even though I would try to lose weight ultimately I would fail because I felt like as long as he loved me the way I am thats all that mattered right? But who was I kidding? I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I felt even more. I would quickly turn from any full length mirror I thought was coming my way. I would layer up and cover any part of my body that showed. I lost interest in shopping or even taking the time to make myself look anything more than presentable. I have sideburn hairs and chin hair that I would let go their own way because I really just stopped caing about how I looked. I was absolutely miserable in my own skin. If the truth be told, I still am. I have lost a substantial amount of weight so those days of 282 pounds are long gone but I am not where I want to be, I have a good ways to go. I am proud to say that I am losing the weight naturally and correctly. The road is definately tough but I finally have reached the point that I realized I have to lose weight for myself. I want to look in the mirror and love the me that I say. This is a hard journey and I am doing all I can to stay committed to it. With children in the house there is always something sweet to snack on not to mention I have a husband who has multiple sweet teeth. Tonight Thomas bought the children a treat, a peach soda. We do not allow them to drink soda regularly. I eyed that peach soda sitting on the counter freshly chilled from the freezer like I was a lion and it was my prey but I behaved. I remembered that there was a pack of peach herbal tea in the cabinet so I boiled some water and am sipping on my tea while reading and reminding myself that lack of self control is in no way shape or form helping me to become and remain that Proverbs 31 kind of woman.