Yeah, I was shocked too when I found out because I was literally on child #9 when I realized and it was buy (misspelled intentionally to make my point) accident.
These children will work you until your soul is tired. I know mine do. My every waking moment is dedicated to my children even if not directly but in some way shape or form it is my children who impact my decisions. Work, school, my business. And the fact that I always seem to have a baby just meant that one of the first things I do in the morning is change a diaper or make a bottle, it is also the last thing I do. Its fucking exhausting. I don’t hate it, I just want some acknowledgement in the form of cash sometimes. Its quite actually the least paying job I have ever had. The benefits are trash and the boss is an asshole who doesn’t allow time off. And when I did take a quick run for my favorite sandwich at Panera Bread, I would scan the menu to see what I could get the children. They were in my head. It was ridiculous. We go shopping for them about every three months, or quarterly, and run up credit cards from The Children’s Place, Old Navy, and carnival shoe store. I mean LOTS of money. That’s just on the littles. And then there were the bigs who want Nike, and Champion, bags from Gucci. Its crazy. After shopping I have to sift through their clothes and shoes to see what is good enough to donate and what has to be trashed. All the while, I’m running around in mom clothes. Sweats, oversized shirts and jeans I probably should have thrown out ages ago, but luckily torn and tattered jeans are in.
I remember when I was younger, cause I’m still young, I used to care so much about how I looked. I would spend $600 on a pair of jeans and $75 tee shirt. I was always fly, I think. At least I felt like it. I was the girl who went to dinner and the movies alone with zero cares. Where did that girl go?
And then I realized. 💡 I am the asshole boss. I managed the money and delegate trips. Why would I treat myself like this. Honey. When I woke UP! It was a complete game changer. If I decide where the money goes, why wasn’t I paying myself? The craziest part is, this is business 101 and as a business consultant I should have known better. Why did it take 9 children for this lightbulb to go off?
Now, at the time that I realized this we were not making a lot of money. Some would even wonder how we were making it. We had a mortgage, car note, car insurance on 5 cars, utilities and the expenses of my business. We won’t even get into the $2000 a month grocery bill. But I figured that shit out real quick. We don’t get “paid” to be a mom because we choose not to get paid as a mom. But girl! You better pay yourself. You will enjoy your role as mommy so much more. This whole being- a -poor -miserable -mom -so- my- children- can -be- happy is for the birds. Cause that is not the life I signed up for. I joke all the time saying God left out some parts when He asked me to play this role because ikyfl! I’m supposed to pour into tiny people who don’t care about me until they become parents! Nah. I’m going to live my best life because that’s what the universe wants for me and I accept that shit with honor.
It all started when I went into Marshall’s to see if I could find some shoes for my second oldest. When you walk in the door of this particular Marshall, there are handbags to your immediate right. I never really noticed because you know, I was just a mom on a mission. But this day something stirred up in my spirit and was like, “sis! LOOK!” And you know my nosey ass was like “oooh Chile WHERE?!”
Honey! When I looked over and saw those bags, I swear the angels of heaven were singing 🎶 Get you a bag. Get you a bag. Get you a bag so you can be happyyyy 🎶
I mean, that may not be the words verbatim or whatever but it was something like that. And you know, you gotta obey the angels so I sure as hell did. I sent McRush ahead with the children and shopped in peace. I was being modest at first but then I remember the angels singing and was like, nah. They would want me to have the best. So I grabbed three of the best handbags I seen. I believe there were, Steve Madden, London Fog, and Gucci. These were a step up from my $1.99 bag I got from Goodwill and I was on cloud 9!
McRush was finished with the children before I finished digging through the selections. I forgot all about them and it felt SO good.
This was the beginning of a beautiful friendship (with myself).
From that day on I made sure I had extra cash to grab something I liked for ME.
It’s amazing how it started with a few handbags that turned into a few outfits, some wigs, some simple makeup. That led to going to PAID events, eating meals without sharing and saying no, going out of town on solo trips OVERNIGHT! Whew chile. New me who dis? I got to the point that I bought fancy hangers, rearranged my closet, color coordinated my clothes. All the things that made me feel good. And you know what? Not one child was harmed in the makings of the new me. In fact, it was better for them too because a happier me meant a better attitude towards them.
See. Forgetting yourself will lead to resentment. Every decision you make is out of obligation with little to no reward. I mean of course their little smiles and thank you mean something but lets be real, it ain’t much to last. And it damn sure didn’t make me feel good. Proud, yeah but in crummy sweats? Yeah, nah.
The moral of the story is, pay you girl. Pay you until it feels good. Start small. Get your favorite expensive coffee, take them shoes out of the online cart by paying for them. If you don’t deserve it I don’t know who does.
Being a parent is hard work. Why do a job that doesn’t pay you?