I cried last night.

I recently shared a post on Facebook saying I felt like I needed to cry but nothing was wrong. I got a lot of sisterly advice to allow the release to flow. I didn’t.  Truth is, I hate crying. It makes me feel weak and helpless, furthermore tears never resolve problems in my humble opinion. I moved past it. This was about three days ago.

Well, last night I went in my bathroom while McRush slept and I sobbed. It was quiet because I know he would have come in. At first I didn’t know what I was crying about but as I allowed the tears to fall all of this anxiety and anger and frustration came pouring to the surface revealing the true heaviness of my heart. 

I cried because my business is stressful running it by myself but not financially secure enough for me to hire someone. I cried because I am overweight and cannot seem to get it under control. I cried because my children drive me crazy some days. I cried because my relationships are strained (not with McRush). I cried because I don’t get enough rest.I cried because so many people are losing their lives. I cried because, well because I just do not know what else to do.

The release was not as fullfilling as I thought it would be, it never is that’s why I don’t do it, but it did bring up some suppressions that I obviously need to take care of to be a better more happy me. Do I recommend it? Not if you’re like me and need to find wholeness in everything you do because crying isn’t it. But, if you need to find the source of your sadness, sure. For me, it just gave me a list of things that I need to add to my to do list. Thanks, me, for being a crybaby.

-Rush 

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