It took me years to love my husband the way that he wanted. I love him the way that he needed; encouragement, affirming, consistent, uplifting, dutiful. I would like to believe that this is what helped him become the man that he is today.
We went through hard times right in the beginning. Nothing about infidelity or lack of trust, but economical. It shifted us into survival mode. We had to become a team, fast, or everything would fail.
Our backgrounds are very different. While my mother was hands down the best mother I could have hoped for, ours was a house ruled with love but discipline. She is a no nonsense woman and always stood on the right side of things. She would give you the shirt off of her back but she always knew to have a tee shirt on. We had structure and we abided by it. Very stable and lacked nothing. My father was in the military so he was the same way.
My husband was not raised very stable and the discipline he had was of his own shaping. They oftenmes went without and he’d set at an early age that the family of his own making would not suffer the same fate. He held to that.
Our relationship started off with a meet and greet then ghost.
His mother actually introduced us. It was not long after my daughter had just passed away in her sleep and unbeknownst to us, not too long before his mother would pass away. In fact, it was because of her sickness that we reconnected. We have been inseparable since.
I am not an affectionate person. My love language is affirmation. McRush’s is touch and connection. I have been through a lot in my life so it only further solidified my resistance to affection. I have always believed that feelings are solely based on an emotion in the moment thus inconsistent. Unreliable even. Needless to say, I would often instruct my husband instead of listening, loving. He always took it in gracefully and adjusted accordingly. My love was rigid but consistent. Luckily, he never waivered. He, too, was consistent in his love and affection.
Suddenly, I was softer, expecting his touch and seeing him smile whenever I would walk into a room.
I actually fought it wondering what was wrong with me. Life has always been something to conquer but now, it has become something to enjoy. I savor moments and aim to make memories. I have never known a love like his. I almost felt like I didn’t deserve a love like his. Now, I too, yearn for his touch on my arm, to hold my hand, to cuddle.
I still battle with this some days as an inner reflection to things I have yet to accomplish. Does his love slow me down? But at the same time, I am enjoying this stroll through life with him.
JustAskMaia 